Ayahuasca: My Journies of Discovery

Ceremony 35

2010-06-02T21:31:00.000-07:00

Ceremony 35

The Majesticness of the Endlessness of his endings.

Arrival, the arranging, the considerations of privacy, no less than four alters, Santo Daime and Umbanda, tapestries, a piano, instruments from Brazil to India, Peru to Hawaii, curandero and Daime songs, stillness that makes clocks so drunk that they knit with their hands a cocoon who radiates a purring silver light over all, group timelessness, spaceship Earth, the continuous smile on her face, a prayer-wish-blessing for my father’s lost little boy inside, going around and around in circles...

We started off near 9:30 PM; what seemed like two hours showed itself soon to be 5:00 AM, with the sun arriving, a single bird singing one note over and over, perched in a tree very close to the house.

Blessed Grandmother, blessed souls, blessed evening, and blessed lovers of the unions within. Last night was so ‘right’ is so many ways, in that I found myself harvesting what I’ve invested so diligently within, we indeed do ‘Reap what we sow.’ And our ‘seeds’ are truly central within our bodies, they are not metaphorical.

The rather quick onset and a brief purge: it was explained to me how it was that I became directed to not tell all those close to my heart concerning this event tonight, the Great Spirit still has its mysteries concerning ‘timing’, though the message was clear that part of the purge were energies associated/inherited/shared from a previous relationship, which I would later be instructed further on...

After the purge, returning to my circle-space, allot of drumming, the finger-harp, a double-flute, an American Indian song, the coolness of a bamboo flute, a ceramic drum I’ve never seen before, traditional yage-icaros, emotion fulfilled Daime songs, curious Umbanda hymns, holy improvisations of musical sharing, each to their holy-own and this ritual of divinity within.

Grand Bear-Spirit

I was lead by Bear-spirit to deposit the bear-tooth that I had brought along into my water glass. Bear-spirit spoke to me as I then took a drink; at first I thought it communicated that I was drinking its blood, though it quickly defined itself as being something very unexpected, it said, ‘You are having [the one] of all the drinks I’ve ever taken from the fresh rivers of Earth.’ I then experienced the brief consummation of these ‘drinks’ within me, its divinity as a spirit being of God/Creation, i.e., its bear-spirit-ness/being. I kept the tooth in my water cup throughout the evening.

AEUX, T., and a *footnote to my Peru-ceremonies

At one point a portion of my consciousness visited the planet AEUX and stood with a herd of unicorns there...

I was later told that what I had gone through with T. was a reoccurring aspect that has divided us before, again and again throughout our incarnations. That now (this life-era) was ‘the time’ of healing with this collective condition of ‘We.’ (This was not the actual phrase/a sense of the wisdom imparted...) That we had been brought together to have these aspects of ourselves consciously revealed to one another/presented in this lifetime to heal in the light of The Separation-fire. (etc.)

* With the re-surfacing of my connection with T., this is a good place to insert the note that I have yet to find while re-reading ceremonies 26 through 29 (I may still find it in ceremonies 30 or 31 via the original hand-written journals.) This ‘note’ is concerning a message from Grandmother Yage that I received; she told me, “You will loose her.” When I first heard this message I first deemed it imagined or a passing thought, though as the spirit-connect deepened, I realized that it was a genuine message from her, though for whatever reason (not wishing to ‘spoil’ the setting with such open-ended, dubious news (?), particularly not knowing really where the context was coming from, other incongruence’s I had already experienced involving Grandmother and ‘sayings’ put to the future) I did not record it in my online-journal entry. I imagined/interpreted it as a message about the far-distant future, something that might happen via an auto accident, an illness, etc.* (*Assuming that a domestic level event/aspect would never separate us spatially.) I was determined to accept this and yet, live whatever portion was allotted to us with the fullest of Light, Dedication and Love... I never ‘dreamed’ that Grandmother was referring to no less than two and a half months later via mid-January when our soul-union ‘changed’ while visiting in the states...

Obsidian Oval & Crystal Tower

From time to time, I took smoking Palo Santo and Sage around, clearing the space as others were doing throughout the night.

Communion with the onyx egg that I had brought was profound; I sensed that within it lay the birth of all that is unknown (that it was playing as a sort of piece-connected-to-the-whole/a kind of transmitter-receiver to that origin-place or phenomenon.) I also discovered myself as playing the role of ‘holder’ via the tripod shape my hand involuntarily took while holding it towards the group, though close to my body. I could feel it absorbing, possessing a kind of ‘vacuum.’ (It is most commonly used in the shamanic context to take in/neutralize negative energies.) I received a message/sense that these energies were going back to the Unmanifested, the quietness of God-space.

I worked a little with the crystal tower I had brought with me and smudged myself in its company as well.

Eyes of Jesus and Hands of God

The re-manifestation (first attributed to my Peru ceremonies) of the ‘Eyes of Jesus’ (putting these in) and the ‘Hands of God.’ Placing these hands upon myself... Deep remembrance of the self-joy-discovery of ‘original-child-body’ via my Peru-ceremonies, re-connection with this state of beingness/realization, soft self-confidence, not deterministic, quiet no-words-nobleness, sensing the character-ness of galactic-dignity-rightness towards how to be with this human-body-incarnation...

Spirit Drum and the Eternal Endlessness of God’s Endings

Several times throughout the evening I sensed a spirit playing the drum through me, my left arm did not seem ‘as my own,’ an amazing duo here... A visual sense of a kind of transparent skeletal overlay being/hovering under/around my skin-surface.

At one point I stepped lightly around the room, clearing with my feathers and Palo Santo. I sensed a spirit sitting in a chair and was innerly (devotedly) driven to kneel to it and smudge it... A somewhat vague communication began; at first I didn’t know what it was and was adding ‘name’ to it (at one moment I thought it might be my Great Grandmother Eakin.)

Soon it was clearer that it was a sort of emissary of Death or Death itself (?) It invited me to sit down within it and I did. (Previously I had experienced, prior to getting up to smudge around the room, the manifestation of the brief embodiment of the ‘Warden of Hades’ role, also first introduced via a Peruvian ceremony.)

Simultaneous to my sitting ‘within it’ there was a piano piece being inspirationally played by one of the ceremony participants; the timing and mood-lessons imparted were incredibly precise. The consciousnesses of Death and I merged, I could feel its beingness, its personal mood/emotional tones... Soon this connection dropped a few levels deeper and I experienced what it signaled as being the Eternal Endlessness of God’s Endings, then the sense of all livings and dying(s) on this planet, the vast array of experiences, etc. This experience lasted 3-4 minutes.

A God-tear

Deeper into the evening, as I was sitting, sensing the openings and Grandmother’s lessons being whispered in my ears, from above I sensed God; suddenly I was told that God’s Blood Tear was about to drop/descend upon me. I could feel its darkness, i.e., its mass and liquidness hanging above... Suddenly it dropped, sinking into me; I kneeled over and touched my forehead to the ground and simply stayed there... I cannot put into words exactly the sense of this, only that it brought alignment to trust deeper the Holy Plan that surrounds us all, that every event is a Holy Scene, intricately held together by fledgling and ancient celestial feathers as well... Vastly humbling, a reminder of my most profound connectiveness to all. This event lasted about 2-4 minutes.

The person leading/holding ceremony-space asked if any of us had any requests for others/anyone in our lives; I sent out a wish that my father find the ‘little boy’ inside himself who is lost and going around and around in circles (my intuition/empathetic perception). For a moment I connected into his deep sadness and lonesomeness...

Mary and Jesus

All throughout the ceremony I was periodically pulling out energies and healing myself, understanding/sensing the quagmire that I had been immersed in for the past six months, perceiving that it is a sort of ‘driving-force’ who either creates or creates through destruction. Sent out a few light-spheres into the room...

At one point I raised my arms to the sky and sent upwards to Jesus, to his Metropolis, all the accumulated light/energy within me via my left arm raised (being a sort of conduit), while I experienced a subtle ‘giving back’ through my right arm; mild convulsions ran through my head and neck/shoulders.

A brief encounter with the Virgin Mary’s hand* within my own, putting lavender oil over its golden eye-spot and sending energies throughout the room from ‘it.’ Energy weaving/play... *Via the Peruvian ceremony-account references...

A deep connect to my joy, further healing via the pursuit of happiness from outside relationships...

Several messages from Grandmother that I was experiencing the power of ‘the Axis’ that I had created via a holding of the ‘God-charge’ within (2nd chakra energies). She instructed me to not watch movies that tug at the heart strings; this was in response to a movie-trailer I had seen the day prior and was curious as to whether true-to-life movies would count as ‘teaching me something-movies?’* *While in Peru I had been instructed to not watch ‘entertainment,’ to only see movies that taught me something.

There was also a deep message from Grandmother to cease any exposure to conspiracy theories (a reaffirming since I do not invest into these areas)*, negative future predictions, etc. *Something I’ve been adhering to for many years.

Read More, As-Is and The Unknown’s Kingdom

One very amazing revelation came through which said to “Read more.” That by reading more that this would transmute the 2nd chakra energies into finer ones/perhaps more manageable scenarios (?)

Although I went into ceremony with ‘the wish of showing direction,’ mainly I received very subtle messages pointing to trust, trust in the mysterious process of having no-name, no-anything to define some point of direction into the Unknown... A deep connectiveness to being As-Is, a beautiful sense of outward inner-gifting-of self manifestation to the world. A re-alignment and reminder about fairness and honesty, to keep all debts to others in the forward-consciousness. Insights into the Ok-ness of being present to the Unknown’s Kingdom.

Family, Space and Love

At another place in the night, one through which there was music and singing of hymns pretty much non-stop, I experienced twice the vacuum stillness of Space between us all, as though we were all sitting in the quietness of the Unmanifested, surrounded by the dressings of Time and Mortal-classrooms... A connection with the phrase ‘mature love.’

I lay down and possibly dozed off for 15-20 minutes to find myself experiencing cold-spots throughout my back and a slight irritable mood washing over me, all this while I was tucked within a sub-zero-degree sleeping bag. I sorta ‘awoke’ to the sound of something being roughly cut on a board in the kitchen, this turned out to be a couple melons, a watermelon and cantaloupe.*

The reaffirming that I had made the right choice to remove all my writings from Ezine Articles. Sending Light and Love outwards. Placing ‘out there’ my love to special friends, gratitude, etc. *We ate the melons ¾ of the way through the evening and also drank a variety of hot herbal teas...

The stillness of being, the omnipresence of reaping what one has sown; being the architect, the builder and home owner of ‘I Am.’

A deep reminder concerning my family connections with Father and Mother, to give out more healing gestures, attention, cards/notes, etc. The sensation of a Holy Assignment connected to them, a sense of Right and Left endearment or creation-medicines is regards to them.

Ceremony 34

2009-11-29T18:21:00.000-08:00

November 22, 2009

With Honey Dripping Lips Sucking on Sugarcane

God, assist me in remembering all of this glory-blessed night… I ended my session of ceremonies here in full trust of the Medicine and Luco, as my heart had planned it, not letting the body’s remembering of C.33’s difficult toll be a factor in how I take whatever amount Luco decides to pour me. Tonight’s dose was slightly less than a half cup. Aya would tell me that from here on out she wants me to have a quarter cup as my ‘working dose.’

In the beginning hour of the ceremony (its effects lasting up until 3:30 or 4:00AM when I surprisingly simply blinked off and woke up like a light being switched on at 6-6:30AM) Aya had been telling me that my ‘house was clean’ though I sensed large dark forces passing through me, perhaps from another plane, i.e., before my physical body came into being or was I about to embark again on purging a collective ‘mass’ of material, as in C.33, from an Ancestral pool of ‘subtle energy bodies’ who were all previously sharing the same two issues needing purging, having more to move out tonight?

Nonetheless, soon an awesome series of short purges would arrive, intermixed with incredible finale details touched upon me; throughout Yage would tell me that these were ‘finishing touches’ or ‘farewell gifts,’ also that I was clean (in the final stages) so far as my son coming into the world. Too, on this night I would be at the final preparation point for being ready to merge with Isis’s spirit completely as I received the final stages of an ‘outline’ of sorts involving Holy Service.

Earth Egg

Waiting late in the day to record this, some events may be out of sequence a little… The purges I will simply list as they occurred, pretty much at the same lot of time, i.e., towards the middle of ceremony. I traveled to the restroom 2-3 times, a beautiful and incredible purge of an evil seed/egg of the Earth, the first time that I was called to ‘give birth’ to an evil egg, sending it back to the elements from which it was laid in me, an immensely feminine event.

Onyx Candles

The other purges; one involved the emerging of a World Kingdom of Evil, I felt its building growing, enticing itself, taking over the entire horizon of my consciousness, rising to me like a black, ancient carnivore sun; as it flowed towards me, soon I was on my knees in the Holy Beggar position, kissing the C.H. floor and purging it deeply…

The massive purge of Worry: The old woman meanderer, the pinning away old lady in the corner, something evil…

Another was some kind of Psychic Scab somewhere in my torso (?) A second was a huge evil Black Spider Queen and what I vaguely recall were some of her children. A third was an Old Woman, very dirty, large, unkempt and mean, connected to dirty diapers and possibly abuse.

Again, was I purging for ‘Them?’ I ask this since I received the impression later that my whole family lineage was watching my progress throughout the night; I was told by my deceased Grandmothers that as I grow, they also grow… I believe I had a series of 6-10 short, very intense purges, all deep, gagging heaves (no material). Humorously I’ve been dubbed ‘el dragoon’ by Luco and Jeff.

Soon the medicine found something hiding in the shadows of my mind, some sort of alienish creature, flattened like a withering, bony stingray against the inside of my skull, and I purged this.

ME-birth

I found myself having what I vaguely recall was a spirit-heart attack; soon I experienced in the midst of the other purging sequences a vast eruption inside it; I remember that something had been inserted in my heart (?) Suddenly there was a burst and ‘ME’ was born, as I reached my arms to the sky in celebration and quest for expressing it…

At the beginning of ceremony I was instructed/intuitively drawn to massage my heart/chest area so to concentrate more on my heart…

Cross City

At one point I found myself at Jesus’ Metropolis, a teeming city of giant buildings made of cross-shaped architecture, these were huge crosses, some skyscraper sized, enormous!, all cross-multitudes reaching as far as my peripheral could embrace, having as their ‘skin’ transparent panels of different gemstone colors, glass like, filled will all kinds of varied intensities of light, some glowing with Beyond Nuclear Energy, white hot light, subtle and soft, firelight moods, etc.

Here it was only Jesus living; he approached and kissed me on the lips, endowing me with The Hands of Christ (the ability/function of these are for being able to redeem others of their sins, (a channeling-device?). Pressing then his chest to mine I could see his Christ-heart, guarded by some sort of reef of long thorns, these penetrated what I was told was a false heart inside me… Laying on my mat, total surrender, deep watching of the heart shriveling, dying… I recall that I was anticipating a birth of another, though soon understood that my real heart was beside the shadow-copy of itself, the fake one, witnessing the dissolution.

I was then told that his city was a kind of Power Station in the Galaxy, that Christ suffered to keep it running, yet in a different ‘way’ than ever an Earth Reference could relate to and that there were other beings whose cities were made of different symbols, other Power Stations throughout the Galaxy.

Housecleaning

I found myself journeying to my friend Janet’s house in CA and psychically/energetically clearing it entirely of dark energies, after I was approached by the Holy Spider (though I do not feel that this was ‘her’ title) and was told that she spun crystalline webs; she endowed me through the top of my head with the power to spread this crystalline purifying web… A spider web symbol appeared on the top of my skull and I was told that if I wished that I could someday get it tattooed there (!)

I also visited an old girlfriend’s home (Lee) and then my mother’s, who may have been the first clearing… Later in bed I would tap into a much greater ‘link’ and clear all the houses of every woman that I had ever been with on Earth, an enormously powerful event!

God Glasses and a Caterpillar Cloak

In the Ceremony House I received a pair of what were called, ‘God Spectacles,’ large round mirror-glasses (kept on the top of my head). I placed these on as the Kingdom of Evil approached me, mirroring it back to itself. Later, while in bed I would receive a ‘Cloak of the Caterpillar’ for camouflaging while in the desert.

Queen Gaia

An enormous event took place in the C.H. mid ceremony: I was approached by some kind of Grand Queen of Gaia (Springtime?) I believe it was also a kind of final ‘chapter’ in the Eternal Forgiveness power realm…

She (it was Ayahuasca! and not Spring) endowed me with a pair of gloves that flowed endlessly with ultra-fresh running water; later I would be instructed (I was told to keep them in a sachet around my neck) to make a satchel out of a sea sponge with a golden zipper sown on with silk thread…

The gloves were beyond beautiful! Glimmering with possibly diamonds, though this may have been the sparkling waters. I was told that I would have the ability to make any water into Holy Water…

Holy of Holy-full God-God Egg

I journeyed into deep Space and was shown ‘one of trillions,’ a God-egg that God was incubating! It was wrapped in fine wool threads/strands, glowing slightly (luminous from the inside), pearl like, the personification of silence, stillness, of being nurtured by God’s connective vast Womb! It had a vaginal shaped opening in the partial cocoon, I could vaguely make out a sort of infant/larvae inside, like that of a butterfly larvae, it glowed with a kind of reddish light from its vaginal shape-area…

Yellow skin, Opal Eyes

Soon, while speaking to Jeff as the purge settled, I envisioned the God-child, then an entire scene opened up; the child was born with bright yellow skin, it then opens its eyelids and possesses opal eyes. It has been given an entire planet as a birthday gift and the planet moves and births phenomenon as the child thinks it… When the child claps his hands, the planet blinks off and on, this is his Love-beacon to his Father-God…

Honey Soul

While still in conversation with Jeff, I had an intuition about his friend H. in LA. That he (H.) is one of four guardians who are at each N., S., East and West quadrant of the Earth, that H’s aspect (on a Galactic level) is Guidance (though while recording this I sensed a vagueness about this aspect; yet, one of the things I told Jeff was that, “H. knows what to do with you.” [‘Guidance’ is the closest I came to matching the spirit of this line.]

Soon I envisioned H. surrounded by huge moths with transparent wings, his (H.) mouth oozing with honey and sucking on a piece of sugarcane… The moths being attracted to his light…

Another observation from Yage for Jeff (being given to me to tell him) was that, “All the chatter is just the Universe flowing through you.” A second intuition (an add-on from the boat-ceremony vision I had of Jeff) was that he belonged to a Celestial Clan of Star Gazers and that they are sending out beacons (form/kind?) to him.

Submersion Beads and Elves

A new healing modality was revealed to me tonight, that of working with glass beads and using them in healing-baths… I may have been filled with these glass beads prior to the new healing modality revelation/instruction…

Later, on my way back from the market, I would envision an apparatus for a milk dripping healing modality…

Tonight, while laying in bed, I traveled, finding myself on the seas or observing it from being in the air (?) The waters were filled with elves sailing in upside down umbrellas, hundreds of them. They told me that Mary Poppins is their Elf Queen and that they’ve no King…

Suddenly, while still in the Elven realm (and on the bed,) my forefinger involuntarily went to the back of my head with a very specific ‘point’ in mind, going to the top of my spinal cord and penetrating deep therein at the base of the neck, hurting a little, as an electrical surge rocked my spine: An elf told me that my spine was being woven/enclosed in Elven Chainmail… [Now it seems that I have a sore in that spot that I’ve been told looks like a cigarette burn; I didn't know about it earlier since it doesn’t hurt.]

Now You Know

Late in the morning a power (?) arrived into my hands, I believe this was at the peak of an astral orgasm, where suddenly (with my hands over my eyes, transferring this energy therein) my eyes were switched, i.e., my Left for my Right and visa versa: I slowly opened them and intuited that the opposition of my hemispheres was no longer an issue, Right eye for Right hemisphere and Left for Left… After this Isis would say, “Now you see like me.” Secondly, with the acquisition of the new level of Divine Servitude, she’d also comment, “Now you know.”

Note: There was a point in this night where my lover came to me with vaginas in her palms and soles of her feet; my kissing of these, their, i.e., the hands’ sudden hard pressing down upon my face, my eyes were inside the vaginas!, like un-laid eggs developing in a bird; this may be when the right and left eye-switch occurred (?)

Bear

I purged Disappointment tonight, tapping so deep into acceptance and tolerance… Yage would have me stand up twice in divine recognition of the father qualities of Dignity and Self Assurance: Yes, I would gain this conscious aspect tonight (SA).

My long deceased dog ‘Bear’ visited me as an ancient spirit/soul lover of mine! Telling me that she was happy and sent affections to me.

Mid ceremony I went to take a shower, laid down awhile and then answered a call to come back to the C.H., to stay for nearly an hour more until Yage called me to bed… Getting in bed Yage would tell me that Isis was waiting for me and that she’d let us be together instead, though later Yage would show up for a brief lovemaking ‘spell.’

Young Bull of Hades

Prior to getting into bed I was prompted to go into the full Holy Beggar pose and kiss the Earth… Soon, as my lips were still held to the concrete floor, I found that I was kissing God’s body in some way, possibly his forehead (?) Soon my forehead went towards his; I journeyed to Hades where I was given the Sword of Hades and told that I was now a sort of beginner-warden/keeper-watcher of Hades…

I envisioned myself kneeling and possessing bright white bull horns going straight out of my head. The Moose totem came to me and I may have possessed it briefly (The subject-spirit of the Deer totem also visited).

While in Hades I found myself standing in front of a deceased old friend of mine, Mr. Tennyson (my long ago ‘adopted grandfather‘), he was crying, I took him into my arms and walked him slowly up the stairs, out of Hades and into the fresh Springtime air: I recall seeing his ‘kitten eyes’ opening in the clear light. The sword was a large, two handed one, blazing red hot, though no flames… Twice this night I would get inside the Black Egg.

Note: After receiving the Sword of Hades, sitting upright on my heels and beholding this majestic duty and honor rising in me like an eternal dawn!

Love Notes

Tonight my lover and I would make the deepest, most profound love to date, as I opened my eyes to hundreds of pink rose petals being poured into me. Listening to the Cocteau Twins… Having climaxes in one another’s entire vein-system (or it may have only been in mine) as the whole body surged and lit with this glowing cosmic amber honey!

I experienced Isis drinking from my crown chakra tonight; I could psychically sense the ripples being created by her lapping/sipping.

With the event of an astral-sexual climax (electronic), I envisioned the manifestation of a crystal palace as a result taking place on another plane of existence…

I’d be told this evening by Yage, that no matter the personal content of these blog entries, that all people had this potential and to disclose it, since its revelation will speak to their potential.

Experiencing Luco as Grande Dad, the Father on Earth: A voice would tell me that he was one of my spiritual fathers.

Early on in the ceremony I was told that man’s obsession with ‘perfect abs’ was a fear of pregnancy, that it was a psychic shield of sorts… That it was something his soul had to journey into and out of, since in old age he’d loose this shield by default and find himself pregnant with his deeds, that Death plays out one’s deeds and that it is these actions that determine the next incarnation…

While in ceremony, towards the end of the purge, the idea that my deeds were Holy Material dawned deeper and deeper into me! I was told 3-4 times to remember that my deeds after leaving Peru would be the material that Yage would work with upon my return, that I was now a pure place of origin (not her exact words), i.e., it felt as though I were standing from a type of ‘zero point.’ The sense of this revelation’s furtherance was so heart deepening!

I manifested as the Green Cobra briefly, an awesome incarnation! Feeling its massive snake-ness surrounding my head and its body in mine…

Isis would manifest tonight with a python around her neck… Also she manifested as dressed in black with red hearts! We manifested as two Galactically huge (about the size of Earth’s moon) crystal bumblebees kissing in Space!

I experienced the Galactic Vagina and was told that it was the Most Almighty Flirt; I also deeply sensed that Space was the surface entrance to this vagina and that all the stars and planets were its beads of sweat and enticed dew drops.

The Holy White Haired Horn Blower and Atlantis

The most dear and awesome unfolding took place in bed… I envisioned Isis as the Holy White Haired Horn Blower. The vision was that of an elderly woman’s head being on the body of a young woman (between 17 and 20) and possessing big, electric static-flowing white hair, holding a kind of horn, possibly that of a buffalo or cow. This is where the Mermaid lower half of the body showed up, i.e., that this white haired being had a Mermaid’s lower half.

Soon this developed into a full blown astral travel together as we went deep, miles and miles underwater to visit the location of our original One Throne…

I envisioned our Holy Skeleton, our first body, i.e., a sort of fish-body skeleton (and the fins) lower half transitioning into a round vertebrae on a human pelvis (though this transition area between human and aquatic was vague,) possessing a regular human torso, arms and two human heads… (Could this have also been a second incarnation from the Galactic Skeleton composition?) I was told ‘we’ were born in Atlantis and that Atlantis did not blow up, that “The sun took it back.”

The underwater surroundings of the throne were murky, seemingly abandoned, archaic, there were tall rectilinear structures somewhat ‘rooted’ to the ocean floor that all curved towards a center, where our throne sat: It was here that we sat together, though I believe as two separate mermaids (?) (Possibly the split of the God-seed produced our two bodies as separate species-expressions specific to the incarnation context of the time?] This journey was awesome!

Note: I shape changed while on the throne, for fun; I, laughing afterward at my being a puffed out porcupine with strawberries stuck at the ends of its quills! Isis may have also changed, though I do not recall into what…

There was also a point in the Atlantis introduction that I witnessed seeing a part of the city above water and to the left, gleaming golden yellow temples and a tropical sense.

The Reds

Soon an extraordinary event occurred! My first UFO encounter. A little spaceship appeared and took me far out into Space to a larger replica of their smaller transport. The Mother ship was about the size of a medium-planet, say Venus…

Once inside, they showed themselves as reddish, transparent beings, with large heads and between four and five feet tall… The way they hosted being-visitors was by undoing themselves and allowing the visitor to step inside them, then they’d walk around with you inside. There were many other beings here inside these extraterrestrials, visiting, staying, both? I was told that they called themselves, ‘The Reds.’ I opened my eyes and found myself back in bed.

Soon their ship showed up again, they asked if I wanted to go once more; I experienced a little resistance from my body and then laughed, thinking, “When ever do I get this opportunity, geez?!” So I said, ‘Yes’ and soon found myself at the interior of Neptune where there was only three things, Lakes of bright yellow Sulfur, low hills of pine trees and pine cones on the ground: I vaguely recall one of the Reds exclaiming, ‘Isn’t it beautiful!?’ I agreed and soon was back in bed, being presented with a third journey offer, which I accepted.

We went to the Eye of Jupiter: There I witnessed a Galactic Clipper Ship (Cosmically huge!!), a living being riding the 450+ year old storm of Jupiter’s eye. There were none on board, only us visitors. Its sails were similar to satellite panels, huge in breadth/height, possibly the size of the USA each! I was told that this living ship was some kind of transmitter, that it sent out into Space the energies/signals produced by the Eye’s Storm…

Returning back to bed I was wondering about the reality of this, since it was so science-fiction-spectacular: Suddenly one of the Red’s manifested and stuck its tongue in my eye, going all the way to my pineal gland (third eye), where it proceeded to stimulate it very similar to a woman’s clitoris! This rocked my body for several minutes, sending never before sensed peculiar energies flowing around…

The Spirit of Night was briefly with me on the outside of my bed and I kissing her fabric. I would cuddle with Isis: Tonight I gained further depth of my true incarnation of an arch-angel. Taking my wing and extending it out over her...

Note: Possibly connected with the first time I visited with The Reds: There was a scene in a semi-dark room or grotto, where it showed a huge feminine sort of sarcophagus (three or four times human size) positioned flush against a wall; it looked to be semi-living, i.e., half alien created and half organic… Suddenly it split open and a female being stepped out, she was transparent and contained within her all the fruits and vegetables found in the traditional Horn of Plenty; this image sunk so, so deep into the awe of my heart! One of the most exquisite impressions of the evening!

My Friend

While laying down I made a connection for my love of my friend in CA. Her spirit came to me and then an entity showed itself, a major demon: I took the Winged Gloves from my crown chakra, made the Virgin Mary sign for awhile and then proceeded to gently dissolve it, turning it to ash… Prior to the gloves I placed the hands of Christ on its shoulders; vaguely I recall that this may have been the only treatment presented to it. (It showed up inside the mosquito net with me.)

After this exorcism of the major demon in her, I sat for a long time with my legs crossed and in the prayer-hand position, radiating love and gratefulness towards that ‘space’ where it once sat…

Child-I

At the beginning of ceremony an incredible event occurred where I located a child entity in me: It said that it felt, ‘Like shit, etc.’ There was suddenly a small crisis-sensation pulsing through me, I could feel the sense of death on the edge, self-destruction, etc. I took it into my heart, it said that it still felt this way; I sent it many beautiful gifts, love, affection, etc. Eventually it said, “I can feel me.” It settled in; its health was also connected to my mandate that my actions would be my spiritual building blocks, food for it, etc. Possibly I was purging for it? Previously, the child-entity/spirit asked, “How do I know that you’re sincere and not lying?” I answered, “By my actions.” [The fruit of my actions will feed the spirits (and) attract those in me.]

Notes

Tonight I purged Impatience.

Manifesting as the Arch-angel consciousness!

Sending loving care to my body, especially my stomach and intestines… Talking to them, massaging and being told that material was moving down, from the stomach into my bowels…

Sensing how my body becomes the sole possession of the Medicine’s Divine Will…

On this night, laying in bed, I had the wish that a friend of mine find his soul mate and sent this desire outwards, like a healing sphere: Soon I received a further development from this ‘message.’ I envisioned it traveling to ‘her’ (his soul mate) and plunging into her chest… Once there I felt that I could intuit the word ‘Ayahuasca’ and lead her to this place in Peru where we are studying as apprentices. We shall see… Recalling the scene where I sensed that my friend will become a father and our talk in the C.H. about this.

The time in bed where I held my two hands in specific poses (To research these later in Indian literature.) Meeting the Holy Naughty Mistress and her lessons concerning sexual expression…

The Giant Python swallowing me in the C.H. My body feeling like a giant phallus inside a vagina as the python constricted from time to time with me inside.

The sensation of feeling pure; that Yage is taking us out of the dream and making us real. Reminded of my God-smarts…

There was a point in the ceremony where Yage indicated to me that I may have unknowingly played a joke on myself in how I interpreted her saying to me, “You may proceed with the medicine as you see fit.” in regards to working with others, etc. Also, there was a good hint that she was in on the joke too: She said that next time would be for real (?) This revelation showed me how much of a babe I still am in regards to working with the Medicine. There were also dimensional sensations coming from the zone, working with my intuition concerning the subject of working with the medicine and others… Beautiful blessings!

Towards the end of the purge (in the C.H.) I was letting out spirit-hounds/dogs of evil through belching… Later in the night: Being warned that the ‘spiritual school’ I once belonged to was/is a “Hornet’s Nest” and to stay away from it on all levels of interaction. After my shower I was endowed by the Fairies with a parasite-spirit-insect that feeds on these ’Hornets.’

On the night of the next day, after the big celebration of it being the last day of our three-month program, I sent a message to Luco who was asleep in the C.H. late at night, that I cared for him, though didn’t know whether to come and get him to come inside where it was less damp since it had started to rain very hard… Within seconds of sending this intent, he entered the house, going upstairs to bed! Love reaches without stretching anything out of place!

Dignity, Strength, Reliability (Father totem celebrations)

The attempt at taking pictures of my two Grandmothers’ spirit orbs (after their request that I do so) and getting messages that some orbs are too weak to show up on film, that as they develop finer and finer vibrations they can be detected… Meghan took many successful pictures of these in the C.H. and at the village graveyard on All Saints Eve.

Journeying to the crystal chandelier in God’s chateau: Hanging at the top of it, bedazzled by the crystal prisms, salivating on myself, so drunk in love!

God, the dream weaver of his own dreams, i.e., “I dreamed me.”

At the end of the three month session Luco told me what my two shamanic earth-totems were; The Jaguar and The Sky.

Ceremony 33

2009-11-28T17:35:00.000-08:00

November 20, 2009

Glory Be To God on High!

To live with myself for an eternity, reconciled and basking in plains of warmly lit snow, Springtime walking with my hand in hers, Night kissing me all over and Summer lounging around my feet as my slippers; this night would develop into the Holiest of purges to date, so far as my being able to interact with the spirit dimension of beings and pull the conscious God-seed resources from myself to smile my way through such demonic realms, a kingdom of contained black interwoven flame-granite and haunted houses as real as you and I, that would eventually contain a little glass of water with a flower in it in every dark spot, each of its previous hiding places… After this night a crane now resides at the bottom of my stomach who has wings of metallic rainbow colors, protecting, watching, cleaning me and itself, radiating God’s palette again and again…

I am the gentle boy of Ayahuasca, the Keeper of the Temple of Fourth Facing Forgiveness, Ledge-lover at the edge of the Hades-Netherworld’s unfathomable girth and sightless horizon, carrier of the Virgin Mary’s Golden Eye, my lighthouse in my left palm reaching out, a mile down into this hell-chasm, and with waves of my Holy spotlight, I am feasting Love, Faith, Hope and Forgiveness upon its solidified clouds of yearning for God’s redemption… Thank you God for this task’s kingdom come! Kissing the ground as you call me to do so…

Son of Suns

Luco poured me a half cup of the newly brewed medicine; surprisingly it went down as smooth as warm milk. Prior to the ceremony I asked (for my friend in CA) for clarification about her plans/guidance in building a spiritual community… [I appreciate you my friend, as you read this, know that my friendship resonates forever. And Isis; as always, before memory was divided into yesterday and today, before love was a word, I to thee and thee to I.]

Beginning a voice told me that I would be purging for my son who is to incarnate to this Earth in my lifetime… My senses opened and dedicated at the introduction of the purge, this evacuation-ritual in service and love for him…

Prior to my purge, Ayahuasca would say that tonight would be Part 3 to last night; I smiled, deeply resonating with her voice and care, while my interpretation of a ‘third night of the similar’ and of her unconditional love would be thoroughly tested…

Also, the remembering of that foreknowledge from the previous ceremony thirty-two that I would walk in the Valley of Death to look for some-thing for some-one, this only came to me far after the event was actualized/lived.

Calling all Cars

Physically this was the longest purge of my life thus far, lasting about four hours of non-stop gigantic guttural heaves and strained, on the edge convulsions from every cell in my body, from Root Chakra to Crown and intermingling them in between, a king’s crown brought under, soaked and tangled in a wildly dancing oak tree who has an underground Galactic itch it cannot scratch!

These purges began in the Ceremony House where, after about 10-15 minutes into the four hours, Luco would tell me to go and take a shower; it was after the shower, while laying in bed that the depth opened up and the medicine began to reveal what I was told was the last remaining dark area (this ‘area’ unknowingly held a plural connotation) in me*… All throughout the night I would (and the medicine) remind myself that this was so that my son would not inherit these evil-seeds that had been carried forward in my Family Tree(s) for an undisclosed period of time…

[*In the past Ayahuasca told me that I was finished with “big purges.” Tonight seemed to prove this contradictory, yet after much soul searching I feel that I was purging while connected to my soul-child (a son, possibly a daughter or both?) So, it could be that these areas arose only in the context to my wishing to bring a child into this dimension-body and that those layers had to be accessed to achieve what Yage has told me several times would be the arrival of a Prince in the Medicine (or Princess).

The wish to purge this material ‘for him’ superimposed over myself changed me, and certainly drove this night into a fury of busyness on part of The Medicine so to clean house before my departure back to the states. This is not to say that these purges were not for me too, they were and ultimately, as I said above, this was the Holiest night with the spirit dimension thus far in my shamanic work and prompted a huge change in my being-abilities to serve Love and Forgiveness to this dimension’s aches and healing.]

Also, revealed early into this time period, was one purge-subject that had occurred in this lifetime of my physical body and spirit that too could carry over to my son if not purged/redeemed, not necessarily having to do with ‘inheritances,’ per se… This would be revealed as a sexual abuse regime involving me as a child of between 4 and 6 years old and carried out by a long ago two step sisters…

The visions and Hades dialog was so very visceral, soul wrenching, as the medicine took me again and again to the bathroom, to first get on my knees, perform the Empty Bowl and Beggar pose and kiss the ground prior to the purging into the toilet...

Huge ‘things’ would be released tonight, buried, living, being-bones, haunted houses, death traps, a Mad Grandmother, writhing sorrow and true-to-life atmospheric/elemental Spookiness, cobwebs and dirty houses, old baby diapers, filth and the haunted spirit-structures of my step-sisters, a murder, corpses/ghosts, etc… Kingdoms (mansions/architectures) of evil, freight-train-sized demons, unnameable creatures, evil hooked-in lung-fairies, dinosaur-like black soot skeletons, etc.

There were times (at the early stages) that I used some of my shamanic elements to help clear the initial dark results issuing out of me, particularly Dragon’s Breath and the calling in of my Galactic Guardian Totem, the white angel winged grizzly bear, then the jaguar, green cobra, hawk, tiger, owl and octopus.

Early on I had my Turtle head next to me as well, as it swam in my stomach in the first stages to add calm and company to the oncoming storm… I also took the baby dragon out of my left pocket and sat it on my shoulder: The Red Dragon spirit appeared briefly, once, so to post guard as something was nearby.

Many times tonight I felt that I may have to call Luco, though as difficult as these death-elements were to pass through, my bright presence and celebration of my God-joy shone through the entire experience, as my consciousness was standing on the middle of a seesaw of two vastly distinct dimensions; one was an ongoing channel of my conscious-building and the sending out of my joy and strength, my resolve, my dignity and fatherhood potential to the world; I am the Father of the World! Fair, contemplative immediately without prerequisites, burning analytical thought and the occupation to make connections in the fire of my immediate Forgiveness; no one is ugly! I am being born again and again as I write this…

This celebration half surged alongside the Medicine’s wrestling with what amounted to my stomach being a haunted house of specters of the most high evil… To begin, the first manifestation was a voice that told me that my step-sisters had sexually abused me, ‘upside down and sideways,’ the pictures and sensations of death-arrival-grief were gigantic, yet, my blazing gold presence stood steady, looking out, as though through a Glass Darkly, a flame in a soot covered lamp glass.

Heart to Heart

After purging for several hours, the purge also moved into an interior dimension, into a sort of spirit-world-purge, where dead things would be presented to me to transmute into live breathing, heart to heart connected venues, seeds sprouting from death-feces… Down and down this dance peeled itself, spiraling around and around, peeling a poisonous fruit until it hit its center, the seeds, my two step sisters’ burial mounds, their haunted tombs deep beneath the earth…

It was here that I would take them, skeletons and all, stroke them, pull them under my angel wings as the Hades circuit surged on, quivered under dispassionate struggling, while too, I was going to the bathroom to purge hatred, scary, demons, long evil trains of writhing dragons and giant demented, anonymous skeletons.

Soon there were flowers at their grave sites, their tombstones glistened with polish and cleanliness; suddenly a Spirit Crane landed on my back and let out a pile of substance, I was directed to consume this and did, soon a voice said, “The crane is now living at the bottom of your stomach to protect you from what enters there (or tries to enter).”

I then saw the crane fly up upon one of the tombstones and spread its broad metallic, gently flowing rainbow wings, embracing my two sisters, as they stood smiling: Soon the power of the Gorilla Spirit would enter me (at least three times this night) as I would beat on my chest to proclaim my position as resolute to be a Right Man… There were also times when the Inner Little Boy in me would prompt me to call up this spirit (the gorilla) and manifest it; it was an awesome incantation of such deep resonance!

Soon the Buffalo Spirit showed up and I saw my sisters riding buffalo bareback: I said, “Ride my sisters, be free.” There was a time in the night (at least 3-4) where Mermaids showed up in my stomach, taking orbs of pain and evil and dissolving them, this helped immensely and I thanked them…

I believe though this event had arrived as a resolution-stage, that, as the next purge-subject introduced itself, there was a crossover and continuance at some point where both purges were moving side by side, an incredible twin-river to experience, being the boat in between their roaring rapids while being held there ‘centrally held in place’ by their opposite streams of direction!

The tensions of the purge were immense, so deep and far reaching, primordial sounds and other worldly explosions of ferocious resistance as the Hound Masters of Hell were being drug out of me: I saw a city of evil rise up (organically having just sprouted and grown into a big city) and purged it, purging a city, a Kingdom of Evil! Throughout the night I’d take four showers, as the ghosts kept coming…

Venus Fly-trap

Tonight, about midway through the purge, as I lay in bed, I had thoughts to call Isis to me, for company: Suddenly Yage would say/suggest that at this point in the purge that I was a ‘Death-trap’ a ‘Venus Flytrap’ and to not call anyone into ‘this.’ I steadied my inner state (holding my space) and waited, riding the purge deeper and deeper…

From an inner looking point of view, my angelic consciousness separated from this ‘body terrain’ and could indeed discern something laying in wait; purging these creatures was immensely exhausting, my body’s throat and sides were sore for a few days after this night…

‘These’ that I sensed were waiting had no specific thoughts/targets ‘in mind,’ simply, that the closest feeling I have right now is that they were being perceived also by The Medicine, i.e., feeling the light of the medicine’s hot lamp beaming, asking God’s final question before the Cosmic Eviction Notice and Boot, “Are you Loving Me?”

There was a definite conscious connection with my conscience in sensing where the purge-mind was, while it worked and writhed under the Grand Rule of the plant spirits… I am a child of God and my nurses are these Gaia-spirits!

Angelic Compass

The next subject was an incredible revelation: As I lay in bed trying to rest from the step-sister purge, I began to get pictures of bones buried in soil, screams, deep guttural cries, shame, rage, fitful cosmic enslavement in petrified anger pounding, an awesome sensation of grief and utterly confusing… A voice said, “A murder by suffocation in cellophane.” Soon this image, the Time-video of the event, showed itself, a man suffocating a young girl in cellophane, this young girl had been me at another lifetime; my angelic awareness awoke, as I stared at this Celestial Portrait of immense, unfathomable rage…

A Family To Breathe Into

Soon it would be revealed that a whole family had/where stuck in a derelict haunted house of hell over this event of murder (the family of the murderer); I purged an Evil Grandmother, mad family members, possibly the criminally insane and I purged my death-body as well (an intuition now).

I entered the House, witnessed the filth, the dirty bodies of these ghosts; these people were awesomely saturated with evil preoccupation, chewing the cud of this past deed for possibly what amounted to an eternity-consciousness of experiencing…

I dove deep into their catacombs, pulling them out and embracing their bones, kissing them, caressing, pouring love, tenderness and the waters of my Galactic Heart Patience into them…

The struggle to transform their resistance and disbelief in my love and care was Cosmic! There was at least once where all of this took itself to Outer Space for a part of the transmutation… [Throughout the night I would also pull things from my fingertips and head, wires and claws, shrapnel.]

I gathered the family together to cuddle against me as I covered them with my left wing… There was also a point late in the morning (this was an All-nighter, all the way up to going to the river at 6-7AM) where I did a kind of angelic clearing of my ‘central axis’ with the tips of my wings: I also used the Ruby Ray and God Ray to sooth and move energies and material in my stomach/intestines…

At one point I experienced the aspect of the Rose Ray; at first my thoughts went to the feeling that I was doing this, though I soon intuited that T. (Isis) was with me performing a procedure, she would do this at least 2-3 times… She would also eventually lay with me, beneath my wing…

The Man

Prior to the family laying next to me, I was given the man who had killed me, he was depicted as a piece of feces: I kissed ‘him,’ planted seeds inside him and these grew, I held him tight as the shape soon turned into a beautiful, healthy, clean young man: He was reluctant at first, I invited him to me, I offered (and he took) a piece of my heart to eat, I also gave him all my aspects of dignity, strength, resolve, etc.

I Forgive

The purge continued as more and more misc. tag-along evil entities and creatures surfaced: As I lay in bed, waiting for the next round of exits, suddenly, as I was deep down in the pulse of my existence, the phrase rose up, “I forgive you.”

Suddenly all dissolved; the Haunted House showed itself as brand new, its basement being beset floor to ceiling with white tiles and all the house’s secret spaces were clean, even a secret room under the stairs contained a fresh glass of water with a flower in it… These small glasses were positioned throughout the house…

During this rising sun of ‘I Forgive You,’ there was a voice constantly reminding me (very over and over again) to not wonder if it is really over and if ‘all’ is really clean, to “Revel in your forgiveness, Revel in your forgiveness.”

So, with this, I laid in my bed for long moments, sunk deep, a blank-love girth resonating awe and wonder at the immeasurableness of Forgiveness’s ability to hold IT ALL and breath gold dust into rotten bones, imbuing them with millions of tiny smiley faces…

Looking at the light of my headlamp, while this Holy State of Being sunk into every fiber of my being: Every cell of me is forgiveness!

Bless Hell

I found myself having journeyed to the subterranean shelf overlooking Hell… As I lay on this vast dark slab of rock I saw the awesome expanse of Hades miles below: I manifested the Blazing Eye of the Virgin Mary, waving it out over this endless cavern, forgiving it all, a Galactic event!

God’s Eagle

Soon I was back (my presence in the body laying in bed) and looking at the family gathered together again smiling, looking at me expectantly from the spirit dimension. I went into a long dialog as to what I would/wanted to build for them in their dimension, i.e., tree houses, beautiful mazes where you never get lost, a mansion with healthy, gracious servants, waterfalls of rainbow water, so gentle that you could safely place a baby beneath it, soft green grass, pools of fish, gardens, etc. Blessing them with a magnitude of forgiveness unknown in me until now…

Suddenly a voice said, “You are the omni-directional object of forgiveness.” And a shape like a tall pyramid showed up and my consciousness embodied this: Soon would arrive, welding itself to my chest, The Breastplate of God’s Eagle, while starfish would attach themselves front and back, side to side and top to bottom to my skull so to ‘protect my mind.’

God poured, filling me with Tiger’s Eye (the semi-precious stone); then an odd gemstone formed, a ruby fused to an opal, I believe this represented ‘Gentleness’ (possibly Patience), though I cannot pinpoint it for sure… I believe this took place in my head as the third gem to be seated there (?)

A voice told me to serve the Prison system, that I was being vested with the power to hear confessions and to absolve others of their sins… Earlier in the night, in the midst of the purging, I would be told that I was now a Benedictine Monk…

God reminded me of my angelic divinity several times throughout the night… In this eve I used my God Hands, the Black Egg, the Eyes of Christ, the Green Cobra and Bear Totem (eyes?).

No One is Ugly

Suddenly in the midst of these offerings to me, a most Holy event occurred, my hand involuntarily went to my eye, and one by one removed a sort of Etheric lens or cataract from both; I was then told, “No one is ugly” and there was born in me an awesome capacity to see and feel so deeply behold the layers of physical/flesh expression, to make out the jewel inside the chunk of coal and the lotus seed in the swamp beneath all expressions of appearance…

Another symbol would present itself, a four leaf clover; this would be imprinted on my World Mind… I do not recall the aspect/definition connected to it, though sense it was ‘Acceptance.’

Black Love

Tonight an amazing object descended upon me; I was told that I was being endowed with ‘Black Love’ and was to be the Keeper of this ‘tool.’ It was in the shape of a long rectangular upright box having two pyramidal terminations, like a Tibetan double-terminated crystal… I sensed that it was hallow, ether filled, so, so light, ultra thin panels of black glass-ish material. I was instructed that this would allow me to access the deepest of subtle levels… I believe this was connected to receiving confessions and absolving sins so far as intuiting a person’s ‘layers.’

Note: A note about being filled with Black Rubies; either a carry over from C.32 or being a repeat procedure in this night’s events (?)

Holy Envelope

Soon, I found my left hand involuntarily opening up my etheric body, like a long flap of a rectangular-ish flesh-envelope; once open, the family I had liberated crawled inside me: I was told that they were now in Holy Hibernation within me…

I was told to name my healing occupation, ‘Temple of the Christ Heart.’

Appreciation of others, no looking back, no self reflections, all peering heart knowing…

There was a section of my brain that showed itself as problematic, somewhat stale and just ‘hanging on.’ I asked God to take it and he did: I also experienced my tongue frying in a pan; an astral purge of karma (?)

I was wrapped all over with Red Coral rings for protection, though do not recall the context, simply an occurrence/vestment…

Mother-Son

This night I would have severe purges at the beginning, one in relation to companionship with the exchange of Dependence for Independence (this is what the purge transformed/switched in me, a very deep and haunting event, to have this mother-son template slowly pulled out from underneath me, to be left standing naked and considerably alone, perched on myself and whistling an old sense of a song, though not anything discernable enough to calm just then.) This aspect of dependence was shown as a corruption of ‘That we are all one.’

So Beneath You

Another miraculous change tonight was that my consciousness deepened in its ability to Fall in Love with what was/is ‘beneath the skin,’ i.e., the inner maiden beneath all body shapes, conditions and psychological expressions… I experienced this while looking into my own body and it was here that my love for Isis (T.) took an incredible, transformative turn and deepened into a slow, Holy service of growth, carefulness and Galactic patience! The can be no fascination in this kind of service…

Share The Love

Another awesome message and stern correcting/adjustment from Yage was that I needed to share my new love of Isis to/with my family: Yage revealed the dangerous rift that needs to be sown together early on: She requested that I write my father a letter (I intuited that it was to be a separate letter, instead of a family-address.) I will also write him and my mother a letter, addressing it to my whole family.

My love is clearer now: I also made an incredible conscious connection to what my Heart wants as if it were a separate planet in my conscious-cosmos!

Deep into the most awesome purge to date one thing shone through, the Most High and Grand Acknowledgment that my most precious possession is my Love, my Heart and my giving this outwards to the world! It was one of the most magnificent bursts of service-revelations! (This may have been prior to the Christ Heart temple manifestation.)

Prince To Be

I recall my Spirit-son (the one to be born on Earth) thanking me for this gesture of purging: I was also told that it would help all of my family since this material had been passed down through my family ‘Trees.’ (Yage did not use the word ‘trees,’ though I sense that this material was a shared karma between both families… No literal specifics about this came through The Zone.

Leave People Alone, Be Yourself First

At around 3:30-4:00PM later in the purge-daytime, I was experiencing messages that there was something dead in my stomach and getting glimpses of Hades aesthetics flashing through my mind’s eye; also something was seemingly trying to feed on my Sex Chakra: Ayahuasca spoke to me, saying, ‘Go to the river.’

On my way I dry heaved a little at the banks of the river and then went for three long submerges; Aya told me that the evils were washing away, that I am a child, innocent, etc.

Soon I went to lay down in the sun in front of the Main House, massaging and breathing from my stomach, facing the sun direct (Plus a full kneeling and kissing the ground on my way back to the Main House from the river).

While the masses of tensions were releasing a voice came to me and said, “Revel in your forgiveness.” Also it would later tell me as I massaged deep into my small intestines to, “Leave people alone.” to “Be Yourself.”

I could feel my happiness and the residue of aggravations leaving: It feels like an additional re-birth today! That I am a gentle man, no thirst, Love is not thirsty, Love is endearing and asks the deepest of questions with its eyes wide open upon itself before making Love.

Notes

The chimes of the undisclosed!

The Holy aspect of Appreciation.

Using Snowflake-medicine to sooth my stomach.

The awesome holy endurance; multitudes of kneeling, supplications to God’s Holy Matrix-kingdom of Earth-ethereal existence at its holiest.

Playing Bob Marley while/during several of the purges via the Ipod: The song ‘I like it like this’ and feeling that Mother Ayahuasca was singing this through his music, i.e., delivering ‘her message’ through his byway… Finally the exuding electricity coming from my fingers took out the Ipod!

I forgive you because it makes me happy.

Throughout this experience tonight I would manifest the Virgin Mary sign and call up the Green Cobra and Tiger protection-gestures.

I was told to no longer touch insects, to leave them alone…

I may have purged some of L’s (my friend in CA) material too this night. Through one part of the evening I professed my love and Holy acceptance of her… A profound event between myself and this God-sister!

It seems that the premonition from C.32 that I would walk in the Valley of Death during the next ceremony was right.

At one point in the C.H. I was strongly called to take a shower and sensed that the ceremony was over: I went to leave and Luco asked me to stay; about 15-20 minutes into the beginning of my purge he called out my name, saying, “Michael, shower.” I exited…

I was told by Yage that I had cleared out all material, that there were no more dark corners, etc. (Though as in relation to what ‘now?’)

Reveling in my Forgiveness, washing my body tonight with God’s Bar of Soap: I love you You.

The moment of looking at my bare body, sensing its depth, its majestic and quiet longing to be with me: making the companion-connection to it…

As I wrote in my journal ‘this,’ I could also feel an energetic release occurring as it flowed out of me and onto the page of God’s Divine Matrix.

‘My heart!, My heart!’ I called out, whispering, soft-desperately yearning to Me, ‘This is all I have, my heart, my heart, this is it!’

Tonight a spirit came to me, manifesting as a double-headed wolf; I explained to the Little Boy in me (or The Man who I was liberating) that this is a good being…

Ceremony 32

2009-11-27T19:41:00.000-08:00

November 19, 2009

Suckling at God’s ankle nectar.

God, allow the strength to flow through the paving of this pen’s most Holy and High patience with the flesh perusal of your manifest blessings so to record my final birth and resting place at your multi-fold chest-palette…

This ceremony was dedicated solely to T.: Luco poured me a half cup. Upon drinking, the signal that the Sanango was going to be very potent rung deep… Within 20 minutes I was saturated with the astral door’s welcome… I was told that I would receive a walking stick and a top hat this evening; also, that tonight would be Part 2 from last night’s time in the Love-rite with Yage.

Golden Skeleton Perfume

Diving deep, the catacombs of Love burst open, swallowing my endearments whole, lighting my resolute joy, hailing me, celebrating that, as I was tempted by the flesh via ‘Yage-apprenticeship circumstances’ several weeks ago, I succeeded in going beyond this temptation, as Yage commented, “Like you always do.” Tonight I sent ten healing spheres to Jamie, Jeff and Luco, giving out thanks to my father, mother, step-mother and step-brother, Luco, Aya, et all.

I was told that these shamanic transformations (the purge, revelations, shamanic/wisdom acquisitions, etc.) were effecting my entire family generation (manifest and un-manifest); visions and ‘communications’ from my Grandmothers (Grandma Sue and Eakin) came to me, wordless, though emotionally rich with ‘meaning,’ depth of pride, joy, celebration and dance…

A repeat/reminder/continuation of its use (?) i.e., receiving God’s Bar of Soap, for healing… The intuition/message was that I could invest any bar of soap to become this modality of shamanic cleanse… I was told to keep this in my right pocket…

Lover Doubt

I went to the restroom 2-3 times; purging ‘Doubt’ was one of the main Purge-themes tonight; my crystal clear presence staring out at the floor of my body enduring beautifully… Soon I would experience deep heaves and vomiting, allot of belching and producing a little material from my stomach… Yage told me that I was purging for T., that, although she (Yage) told me I was finished with vomiting and big purges, she did not say that I’d not purge for others that I bring into the Ceremony to heal… She reminded me, “This is why I told you to be careful of who you bring to the Ceremony to heal.”

Allot of rinsing out of my mouth with water… As I finished one bout of vomiting I said, “I love you T.” After the second I said, “I still love you T.” The deep connection to purging this material for her was vastly calm, Holy patient and so, so softly a great graciousness to do this for her; my heart dove deep into this ritual of conscious suffering for another!

Yage would come to me and reveal herself, embodying me fully, an immense event! She told me that she was the thunder, the clouds, all, all… I sensed that she was expressing her ultimate rule of the body-sheath of Earth, i.e., those aspects she has in this Earth Realm through the Body of the Medicine… I vaguely recall how she manifested this to me (and it’s awkward to try and write it out in words). Yage tonight: Lightning bolts, electric hair, a giant alien-ish body, dark, a reptilian goddess and a throne somewhere nearby too… She told me that we were merged for eternity and that my blood was her blood.

Galactically careful with Choice

I found myself standing in another dimension with Celestial children, teenagers, etc., standing around me; they told me that they depended on me, that they lived by my Holy acquisition of Choice… The intuition to be careful, so Galactically careful with Choice was bottomless-ly immense, the depth!, more ancient than Age, the possession of this role of Chooser… This episode was linked (I believe) to my call and decision to move to T. as soon as possible…

The Shipibo designs were immense, my vision sensitive, the Sanango was fire dancing through me!

At one point, I believe it was God who poured Black Rubies into me, filling me…

Soon the Walking Stick revealed itself as an actual giant insect-walking stick and the Top Hat was presented as a Black Crane who had willingly shape-changed to form this… I was not told what these were for.

My smile broadened throughout the night, especially at the news of Part 2 from Yage…

Luco was without a Chicapa tonight, so the Ceremony was oftentimes deeply-boldly silent as his gentle voice moved around the room…

[While writing this in my journal, the lantern glass just fell off and broke, a beautiful icon to be at this desk! The un-contained flame writing this account!]

Night Knight

Suddenly I found myself face to face with Night, she had come to love me all over! I remember so! Her body was long, a giant lion-like torso; its underside was covered with hanging bats, thousands! While upon her back was a burning white or transparent cape/field of fire: I do not recall getting a full picture of her…

I was told that her speech/mind operated in the aspect of Whispers, that all whispers contained her essence… She loved me deeply, off and on throughout the night… As I write I recall that she manifested as a fox at one point; too, that when my mind was distracted momentarily she shied away, becoming ‘turned off,’ I begged and moaned myself for her to return, she said, “I will, but on my terms, my way...”

Note: That Night communicates in whispers… Her mind is made up of all the whispers of the world, the quietnesses… That she is ultimately connected to being quiet… I sense that Night endowed me with something though do not recall what specifically (?) Drinking her blood may have inoculated me from… (?)

Oh, and the return, the ecstatic embrace and I her lollipop! I was filled with her essence and she served me her blood to drink to soothe me after the initial purges/vomiting (I was still in the C.H. at this stage). Throughout this exhausting night she’d request that I rise up and kiss the fabric of her dress, surrendering multi-fold (while in my bed).

I believe that moss also may have played a part in her body’s décor. (?)

Also, throughout the night I’d put in and take out several times (3-4) the Eyes of Christ while dark energies tried to penetrate my field, both from T.’s partner and others…

At one point Yage asked me to get inside the Holy Black Egg and said that Night was one who could also be in there with me, so I lay in the egg with Night as Sanango flowed through my astral circuits, looking, whispering, etc.

Night’s majesty was so soft, gentle, the essence of old, yet glimmeringly fresh, ripe, quiet, unbound and so giving! I believe it was Night who would also join me later in bed and ask me to open my mouth as she poured from her sex the waters of The Holy Swamp, filling me to overflowing, as its contents swam and wiggled throughout my inside cosmic fields, running out, gurgling over my cheeks and jaws…

Note: I was inoculated by a spirit this night; this may have been the result of Night’s swamp pouring into me (?)

Holy Page Turning

The transition from the C.H. to the Main House is vague; I recall Yage demanding that I come to her, and though she had mentioned several times the subject of my taking a shower, changed her mind, waiting till deep into the night for this (between 2:30 and 3:30).

Throughout the evening many of the spirits would have me get into prayer-act, the Holy Beggar Position (kneeling and my hands in the position of an empty bowl sitting on my lap.) Repeat?, being titled, ‘The Holy Beggar.’

I pulled several ‘contaminate strings’ out of me this night (3), turning them into smiles and sending them on their way with Love and Forgiveness-Fulfillment blessings.

While sending the spheres of healing to those drinking this night, Yage asked me to send, “Tens of thousands” to her and I did this with the brief activation of my Second Chakra waves via my solar plexus ‘pulses.’

Several times through the night my left hand would posses the guardianship-claw-pose of the Tiger or Jaguar while my right hand’s fingers took on the curled, double-fang-position of the Cobra (The Black Cobra).

Early on I called in the Black Falcon, Bear Totem, Hawk, Owl and Octopus in my stomach to assist me, to settle in and be my watchers… Night would stay near me throughout, visiting me lovingly 3-4 times…

Green Welcome

Soon something very amazing occurred, a voice told me that my spine would be a/the Green Cobra; I could feel it moving from my root chakra upwards, rolling, surging its thick massiveness upwards… Soon it made it to the back of my head and bit the inside of my throat! It possessed my vision field, hovering around my head, fanning its oval headdress… It (a voice) told me that I would have Green Cobra Eyes permanently, that these did not come out (some kind of astral lens?)

Red Welcome

On this night I’d receive a pet, a baby Red Dragon that I vaguely recall being asked to keep in my left pocket, opposite to God’s Bar of Soap. I would also be plugged into a vast conduit, entering the side (horizontally) of my esophagus… This surging reverse vacuum revealed itself as being the inception of a furtherance of Dragon Breath through my throat and mouth [No longer exclusive to the nostrils.] (I believe this was specified as Red Dragon Breath.) I experienced the sharp sounds of hissing and growls, hot breath and fire gargles!

Elves and a Giant

I would experience showing up in a forest, laying on the floor of it, being attended to by elves, they were taking out my intestines, wringing then, tearing and splicing them back together, squeezing out the contents: Very busy, soft and visually-visceral-amazing! This went on for some time, possibly up to five minutes.

At one place tonight my head felt so worrisome that the Headless Giant (a tree spirit) would briefly possess me to bring calm: The galactic Bear Totem Guardian would also lay its big paws on me… The manifestation of the Black Falcon was awesome, as usual, so magnificently assured!

Completely Clean

Soon I would visit the Main House, still thoroughly deep in the astral realm… Here is where Yage would take further hold, changing her mind about the shower timing and send me to lay down, plus, to first search out for my Ipod… Soon I was laying down, being soothed by Night and Yage. My experiences in my room/bed were immense, so, these accounts may not be in total order…

As I lay much would be presented to me prior to the night’s and my life’s most awesome revelation to date… A category of ‘final revelation.’

Prior to the final revelation; here is where T. also showed up, deep, deep sensual dances!

God Gifts

God presented me with his Green Gardeners Gloves with smiley faces… I do not recall their specifics…

Another physical operation/implant of sorts was the acquisition of God’s Ear: This was on my left side, where it was revealed to me that I’d be able to transform others suffering by listening to their stories, confessions, etc. [This rings so true to a fundamental thread of soul-intuition habit throughout my life.]

I received God’s Hands, a deeper level of Healing Touch and vehicle for the deliverance of messages from him to others: On this night God would have me ‘triple promise’ to Yage and him that I’d deliver his message to a crippled man in the village; the content I received was, “I know your secrets.” [I did this today, after walking back from the Internet Café; I stepped to the doorway and found the man laying down on the floor asleep along with another man asleep in a chair nearer the door… I said, ‘Olah,’ though they did not wake… God told me, “Deliver it now.” I held out my right hand and sent the message to the crippled man: God thanked me and I went on my way.]

I recall experiencing, while receiving God’s Hands, the embodiment of God’s actual hand as my right hand laying/held upon my left wrist…

I would also receive the Hands of King James, though no specifics as to what these were ‘about.’

Teeth beneath the Moon

Soon, it was revealed to me that I would be endowed with an ability that I’ve never heard of, i.e., the craft of ‘Ethereal Tattooing,’ tattooing the astral body for empowerment, healing and protection: Soon I found my two forefingers involuntarily going slightly behind my eyes and pressing hard against my skull-socket bones… I was being endowed with the ability to intuit/inner-vision a person’s individual design, to first draw it on paper, then possibly in Henna upon their body (?) The method of application was vague… After this an awesome visit occurred; suddenly a Tyrannosaurus Rex came on the scene; I was told that it would be the/my Guardian of this Sacred Craft… Holy Hot Flashy Seductive Whispers!

The Fossil Collector

Doubt continued to purge through deep yawns and 2-3 visits to the bathroom in the Main House… Soon I would be reveling in the birth of Courage and ‘I Will.’ I devoted myself wholeheartedly again tonight (deeper though) to getting to T. as soon as possible and promised the Spirits, Plant teachers, Yage and God that I would put this into actuality…

A vast field of action-potential opened up as I suddenly experienced my heart connecting with my Presence of Action and Lifestyle; now in full power of knowing what my heart wants and not those worries of the Fossil Collector Mind.

Son of God

A voice came to me; I received Jesus into my heart, a bright vast golden honey light pouring like a solar blast into me… Soon afterward the voice said that I was being presented the highest Galactic Honor, that of being a Son of God. (This took place while I was in bed.) [It may have been that I received the God-tokens/abilities after this honor was bestowed.] So Grateful, so Happy.

While at the Son of God phase, Jesus would tell me that he was never crucified, that it was an impersonator who was, and that impersonation was a sin…

As a Son of God: Laying, opening, blazing with fumed fire, a voice told me that I was now part of the Clan of the White Skinned… The sense was that this literally meant pure white skin, having nothing to do with race, being far beyond Earthbound semblances of Galactic realities… There were no details as to its ‘meaning’ or ‘function’ that I recall…

Osiris-Isis rising

T., her presence in me, the all-atmosphere, my connection to her, etc., was thick in the air. The subject of Osiris suddenly opened in me; I experienced myself as Osiris incarnate and knew (was told from a Galactic distance) that ‘I am Osiris:’ The subject of Osiris with an erection leapt-flashed into my consciousness as the Great and Awesome procreation of Death… This is my sense of it now, i.e., in words…

Isis (T.) showed up in front of me; a kind of Galactic-electronic clap occurred and a voice said, “Osiris and Isis are wed.” or “You are wed, Osiris and Isis.” This was immense, beyond describing here, an electronic field of wonder and mortal-bone-evaporation-good-awe! Throughout the night my central nervous system took a beating, my head quivered, tensed and deeply surged with electricity!

Holy Web-knight

Soon, a Holy Tarantula would show up and bite me: The location is vague, though I believe it was on the inside of my pelvis, i.e., at the pubic bone. I was asked to go into the Holy Beggar position afterward…

And, so lovingly between us (a divine prompting of my space of excitement and slight slumber) Night would constantly show up requesting that I kiss her dress-fabric…

Angel

As I lay, baking in the bestowing of the Son of God realm, my courage surged, all doubt disappeared: I believe it was while I was in my room tonight that I also burst out again in the Graveyard as a rainbow entity (?)

Further into this realm-state something peeled away from my eyes, a vast, so, so calm revelation began to descend upon me, of an angelic lineage, a huge whiteness of feathers seemed to hover above me as a voice revealed ever so gently that I was Arch-angel Michael incarnate… My eyes flicked and focused in a way that I’ve never experienced before, this dawned is such slow, patient burning stages!

At one point as I lay surrendered to the inflow of Galactic stories, visits and bestowals, I offered my flesh-body to a pack of Spirit Tigers/Lions to eat; as they devoured it, I would regenerate more spirit-flesh till they were all satisfied…

Soon vestments came, an ethereal tattoo of the Bible opened to its King James-section showed up on my back, i.e., at the topmost portion: A voice told me that I could have a tattoo of it there and to incorporate the preexisting triangle.

I experienced the Eyes of God as a kind of permanent lens… My two-handed long/broad sword showed up as I left the Earth and appeared, embodying a Galactic pair of arms holding the sword upwards, beaming with lightning, cosmic fire, while the blade was ‘woven/interwoven’ into/inside some sort of geometric sign, a kind of pentagram, though much more complex: I would later describe (intuitively in a letter to T.) the sword as, “The Sword of Seraphim Math” and while not really ‘knowing’ what this means…

I was told that I had no sheath for this sword, that it had wings and was perched on my shoulder vertically.

God spoke and presented me with a pair of heavyweight, winged gloves, saying that these were for the exorcism of the Largest of Demons… I was to store (and did) these in my crown chakra.

Soon an immense event descended on me, the landing and integration into my head of the Double-Headed Eagle of God… No details of its context issued… Majestic surrender and gripping, utter obedience to no words…

I traveled deep into Galactic Space and witnessed God’s beauty standing, most Giant of giants, so, so tall, never ending God-head disappearing clarity of where the rest of him was, into the canopy of Galactic Space… Upon this so, so unfathomable size of him were angels, pure white angels, side by side, top to bottom, like a totem of white moths covering a giant two-truncated tree…

These angels had their wings slightly out, overlapping one another’s, so, no underneath-space of God’s surface could be perceived, he was covered with a textile of woven angels all the way around and as far as my eyes could see. Soon the epiphany came to join them; it was here that I suckled upon God as they all were feeding on his omnipresent nectar-body…

Note: At the beginning (angelic-birth-revelation), the sensation of slowly unfolding my vast wings: Bursting out softly. (Write more about the state of after-hatching while laying on the mat via the C.H.) The cat not entirely registering my new presence-field initially… The going back for the jaguar skull later in the morning.

Two Galaxies of We

Isis (T.) was so near, staying with me throughout the night; my enfolding her into my Galactically broad breast of white feathers and her angelic presence manifesting suddenly as a great white Snow Owl: It was here that her magnificence was so great that I astrally passed out, envisioning it in my consciousness’s eyes, a passed out angel!, sprawled out at this great majestic heart feast, her.

A Point

Soon my consciousness would visit Deep Space: There I took on the body of a vertical Galaxy as Isis approached me as one of her own, we merged: I believe it was here that I was told that I’d experience the final opening of my third eye…

As all began to dissolve, my whole history going backwards, from adulthood, teens, child, fetus, idea, to a point in Space and The Point slowly opened, like two eyelids to reveal a drowsy galaxy inside…

Halt Hand Door

It was here that I received the story of the Angel’s fall from God’s Grace: That in God’s House there is a room that is off limits explicitly to all, though it has no locks… The door is made as a large hand in the gesture of ‘Halt!’ or ‘Stop.’ It was Lucifer who opened this door and went in, falling…

Burn it all

God came to me, giving me a choice, I answered, “Burn it all., Burn it all.” Suddenly my head went into an ecstatic deep convulsing, as I witnessed all of my human incarnation history, its psychic importance, weight, reasoning, hooks, etc., disappearing in the flipping lightning speed of God’s flame…

Burning it all: Afterward I exchanged my human mind for World Mind. God said that my mind was officially ‘blown.’ I experienced the Birth to Follow His Will, my heart, directions…

Also, I performed a deep and final Galactic cleanse of my Second Chakra (and possibly root chakra too) using my right and left index fingers pressed deep into my pubic/pelvis area, though it was the right forefinger that produced the Ruby Ray that was pouring its energy in, leeching out all else.

I knelt to the Holy White Vagina and received its milk in my cupped palms; drinking this, there suddenly appeared in my Mermaid Underwater Region a growing city, it looked to be a metropolis of ‘rounded at the top’ cylinders, slightly funnel shaped/elongated, like a sand-drip-castle, though smooth…

I reached out this night to T. in the U.S. and with my newly acquired Heavyweight Winged Gloves removed a demon-baby/child attached to her back. I also blocked and sent away dark-psychic investments from one of her acquaintances and from at least one of this night’s Main House guests…

The demon had the Hades aesthetic; it is amazingly consistent! I additionally did a healing for her partner, moving energies from his heart to his head and visa versa. I sent him cosmically deep well-wishes 3-4 times this night.

There was a point after the Burn it All process that my presence experienced the mind trying to read the writing in the ashes… Several times the Tiger and Cobra came out to send the fixation along its way and to dissolve it. Soon I found myself asking for it to rain and experienced the shower turning the legible ashen-pages to black slush.

Jaguar Medicine

I would go out to the Ceremony House afterward while still deep into my Angelic revelation: I found my cat and took him in the C.H. with me, laying down on a mat at the forefront of the Mesa (no one else was in the C.H.) where I had sit my jaguar skull for a blessing/energizing by Luco. This night it was confirmed that this skull was ‘for me,’ to never paint or wash it and that I could glue its teeth in.

On this night I was not allowed to touch it: It spoke to me concerning how close it wanted me to place my head in its vicinity, it also directed me to place crystals around it and to hold one to my forehead… It bestowed upon me its Jaguar Medicine, though did not specify what this was for.

As I placed the crystal to my forehead a sort of Galactic investment took place and I received the message that I was now able to heal with crystals… I briefly received a vision of a pair of gloves with crystals as the fingers, though no instruction or sense that these were being presented to me.

I was dove deeper and deeper into my angelic consciousness solidification, as the Jaguar instructed me to keep holding the quartz crystal prism/rock (a natural obelisk shape) in my hand.

It was then Celestially revealed to me that it was the Sacred Crystal Phallus of Osiris and that I was its keeper; vaguely I recall that it may be used as a shamanic tool though do not recall any specifics being revealed.

My cat suddenly sensed something in the C.H. and took off quickly to hide: It was truly scared! I walked around and found some kind of malevolent creature crouching near one of the Ceremony house posts and shooed it away with what I recall was a Flaming Heart with its tongue sticking out or one of the blazing golden Eyes of the Virgin Mary on my palm… The cat suddenly ran towards its exit point, standing and looking out at its departure.

Throughout the night I was prompted to burn my yawning purges with the Blazing Hearts with their tongues sticking out, embedded/manifesting in each of my palms.

Bleeding to Life for Love

At one point in the night (possibly after the Son of God endowment) I experienced a somewhat perplexing emotion, as I began to psychically bleed out from my crown chakra all of my body’s ‘blood:’ A voice told me that I was being leeched and my blood replaced. Here is where the inoculation-phase may have entered in (?) The context of this bloodletting was that it was a sort of crying-blood-celebration of my love and dedication to Isis (T.).

Experiences/Notes

I would also use my diamond hands to assist in the calming of my stomach.

Was told that tonight was the final cleanse of my bowels; (psychically, energetically, this night only?)

Informed that riches would come to me, that I was the fore bringer of God’s kingdom on Earth: That I was forever finished with this incarnation-series, or incarnation-wheel, process, etc.

I experienced reciting the Lord’s Prayer, though a slightly different version. Also a kind of clicking/humming began to an Icaro, though feel too that it was most likely being momentarily born from my Ipod’s muse, i.e., a shaman that I listen to the most.

Yage would not visit me sexually tonight; this night was exclusively ‘dedicated’ to Night and Isis.

The perception that all ‘templates’ (my particular human-habit programs) had been burned.

The Galactic intro./birth of Courage; the complete eradication of Doubt.

The Holy Promise that I will come to Isis.

I was told that Yage would love me like ‘this’ throughout all my ceremonies from now on… Making the choice to stay in the Medicine as an incarnate Arch-angel…

The snuggling with Isis: Her treatments of me all over… The deep Galactic Insatiable surrender: Eternal that-play.

Isis’s particular relating to me as my Angelic transformations smoldered and solidified…

The new ‘Intros’ that have come to me while addressing my friends in letters, particularly when writing their Holy-perceived-names.

Meeting with God’s Ruby Ray, mine to his: Being invested with the ability of the God Ray, though no specifics about this…

Today is already yesterday.

If you think Nothing is right, wait till you meet Something!

From C.31: A phrase came to me, “I could: With God’s Permission.” I intuited/was told that this was a Holy phrase, Most Holy and to share and guard its use in me.

Integration of the Side Winder Serpent in my left arm and another ‘totem’ to my right (?)

Tonight, while I was in the Holy Beggar pose, flowers were put in my bowl and they grew! Beautiful…

Telling Luco that I loved him and Jeff that I will miss him and that he is deep in my heart at the beginning ceremony hour.

Sensing/being ‘poetically’ caught in God’s barbed-wire fence like a haphazard, near sighted, love-drunk lover. (Something that occurred to me coming back from the market the next day.)

The note about the consumption of the sexual seed.

The astral lovemaking was the most intense yet via Isis! Envisioning her as a plump filled satiated love-mosquito/fairy-insect-like being… So otherworldly gorgeously endearing!

During the Arch-angel section: God mentioning that I am among his favorites…

While in the jaws of a Jaguar or Snake, being consumed, then inside its body, digested, pooped out and I AM. (Possibly a C.31 overlay-event recording itself here.)

Early on, while in the early stages of being in my bed after Ceremony, I experienced myself as a griffin-fledgling.

Repeat; to link with a previous ceremony? There was an aspect that introduced itself (possibly the cell-bars-mask?) that was said to protect me from all Oriental black magic,
specifically oriental…

I pronounced T.’s new name throughout the night/morning… Conjuring, yearning…

God told me that bodybuilders have no psychological problems connected to their thirst/obsession with big muscles, that they are just trying to look like him.

During this night there was a foreshadowing that I may be walking in the Valley of Death next ceremony so to acquire information about someone (?) The Boots of Woven Wheat also came to my consciousness since these were endowed to me for walking in this valley…

Was told to work off my debts first and that money was coming.

Experiencing Isis as my Holy Golden Skeleton next to me.

Vision of mass healing of others…

Shortly after the Arch-angel revelation I was told that I was “Completely Clean” (interpretation?) Later in the night, also after the Final Revelation, Yage said, “You may go on with the medicine as you see fit.”

Feeling my heart-field/chest expanding: Throwing out my old metal rib cages.

Dancing to Bob Marley and being told that he was the Goddess of Love incarnate… The sense to purchase all of Depeche Mode’s works. A vague feeling that was also given to me concerning Bob Marley’s status was that there are many ‘goddesses’ of love, like a clan or guild, i.e., that he was one of many, though an equally strong sense was that he was ‘It.’ (?)

A message to a visitor named ‘Jamie’ from Yage was that the marijuana spirit is not malevolent or dangerous, that it is only as ‘dangerous’ as the person is, that it is a sort of magnet, attracting to the surface what is already there, to be healed, seen, revealed to the Healing Arts. My sense from Yage’s conversations was that it could be used as a Shamanic Looking Glass, i.e., in conjunction to a Master Plant Teacher like her. (?)

Being at the Steps of Yage’s Throne!!

It is possible that Night was a great sized fox (all along), depicted as I earlier noted…

Sanango’s roots descending into me. My saying, ‘I love you Sanango.’

The deep connection that my consciousness has been many ‘coats of flesh,’ i.e., human, aquatic, alien, etc.

Briefly witnessing the ‘Feasting Ritual’ on a spider’s web/ mandala via the bathroom corner… I was very deep into the medicine and sensed/saw that I was experiencing a Holy dimension of its ‘catch/web,’ and could sense/see another design ‘inside’ the usual everyday one.

The request that I surround myself with crystals, so far as my daily lifestyle and home relics/décor.

Kissing the concrete floor in the C.H., kitchen and Dining Room.

The hand sign of the Virgin Mary: Two vertical hands, one positioned on top of the other, out and in turned top three fingers, i.e., slightly bent forwards. The top palm is facing out, while the bottom palm is facing in, showing its backside, and its fingers are close together, straight, with the middle finger touching the bottom middle of the top palm…

Breaking bread with God at the Dining Room table.

Playing the Cocteau Twins* tonight during our love-rituals;
most, most beautiful incantations this music!! *(Blue Bell Knoll)

The intuition that I’d be using the Medicine to facilitate astral immersion, building, etc.

While in the C.H. as the angelic consciousness was emerging, experiencing panes of Celestial ‘glass’ lowering around me as a sort of Protective Incubation Chamber!

Feeling that I am ever-hatching, though I am outside the egg… Quiet Deliverance.

Just found a perfect picture of Arch-angel Michael; I’ve never seen this and can hardly believe that it has my Galactic Guardian Totem on it, ummmm!

Ceremony 31

2009-11-26T14:26:00.000-08:00

November 17, 2009

Two suns French kissing

God, give me the strength and integrity to remember and record this visitor Bliss.

Unrooted Seeds

The evening started with a very focused aim to heal T.’s son A. and additionally (if it was permitted) her daughter; both who are having family difficulties… Luco poured me a half cup and within 5-10 minutes I felt the astral door fall open (No hinges tonight!) I soon moved to my mat: Yage instructed me to put in the Bear Totem Emerald Eyes… I do not recall hailing any other totems this night.

Yage told me at this beginning that tonight would consummate the final healing of my Second Chakra (sex chakra). I was also told that I’d meet the Dwarfs!

Soon I would find myself deep in Yage’s arms, so close! The breezes coming through the C.H. (ceremony house) screens were her breath… She would give me this night a garment called, “Mail of Eyes”, i.e., a kind of chainmail, though presumably with eyes instead of hollow, metallic links: I vaguely recall seeing it… I do remember its tiny details, the close ‘weaving’ of the links, that they were very small eyes, about the size of a human eye’s pupil…

She told me that there was no where to store it since I would have it on me forever; she continued to tell me that tonight consummated our union forever/eternally… The lushness and grace of her generosity and passion for me was sinking so deeply, softly molten beams of warm light showing through a now semi-transparent leaf, me…

At the early part of ceremony I sent healing spheres to Jamie, a visitor drinking the medicine with us; I also recall sending them to T.’s children, A. specifically: Yage would soon have me taking numerous trips to the restroom (3-4). On the third trip I was told that I was purging an evil seed that had been planted in her son and that I’d feel hundreds times better once this was out; the fourth trip was the final where a second seed, either from the son or the daughter was purged…

Throughout this experience I would be closely guarded by Yage to either ‘rinse my mouth out’ or ‘only swallow a sip…’ Tonight, it, the way I took in water, seemed slightly more crucial than usual…

Add-note to The Chainmail of Eyes: Yage would also tell me early on that I am protected forever by the ‘Chainmail of Eyes’ and her status inside me… Several times in the throes of the oncoming saturation of/by the Entity of Love, Yage would advise me to, ‘Hold my Space, center, breath, etc.’ While in ceremony there may have been a further unpacking of the gem-construction materials, throwing me into a series of inner-head convulsions and body contortions!

A granite-kiss-steaming Rainbow Lover

Yage also ran me through several promises that I had not fulfilled yet, one was a few messages to Taylor (that I delivered today, along with this ceremony’s notes for her too.) While the second was the agreement to go to the graveyard here in the village (Jenaro Herrera) and place a kiss on each tombstone…

Suddenly she (Yage) said emphatically, “You do not have to wait till tomorrow, you can go there now!” This perplexed a section of my physical proximity consciousness for a brief second, then I found myself bursting forth in the graveyard as an ultra-bright Love Rainbow radiating throughout this realm…

The contrast was awesome, the dark browns and somber earth-tones, the stillness/ruminating energies in and around this spontaneous rainbow consciousness birth in the graveyard of my I AM: For a brief time my ecstasy expressed its limitless love and desire, as I perceived making love to skeletons! The inner bliss and divinity of this ritual was other worldly, not belonging to any category of human thought/expression, it was as if I were some kind of tuning fork of God being rung out in this graveyard needing Love unabashed, unhinged and licking its prison door like a disappearing lollipop!

I also gave thanks to Ayahuasca, Luco, Meghan and all my friends and forgave those who have hurt me, several times throughout Ceremony and in the M.H. Yage had me triple-promise to go back through all of my Ceremony Records via the Blog-postings and to “Remember your gifts.” I made this three kiss promise-pact…

Notes: I am the web the Spider of Love has weaved with its silk!

The Blazing Heart of Love medicine was said to be stored in my fingertips: I experienced these upon all ten.

I had the metaphor-experience of myself as the Worm of Love in Adam and Eve’s apple.

Angel of angels

Suddenly I sensed the presence of something ‘too awesome’ arriving; taking the Black Egg out of my left eyebrow, I lay inside it as this beingness landed on the Ceremony House roof, a great Prehistoric/Alien flying being who seemed to possess geometric qualities as well (crystalline and flesh?), the/an Angel of angels, so wrought with other world mystery that Yage seemed to intuit to me to find psychic/soul shelter!

Clinging to the C.H. roof, it was looking around for something and I sensed that it was not finding it; I radiated towards it vast waves of Love and surrender… Soon it left (Certainly on its own time schedule, and not a flinch of an indication that it noticed me). As I write, its image reminds me most of a dragon, yet many worlds above the mythical fire breathing reptile I am accustom to; this was a sort of being who might sit on nests of new planet-eggs! [Too, I have never read any ancient literature concerning the inner being of traditional dragons either.]

The Mother of Mary’s milk

After it (the Angel of angels) left (I do not recall the transition ‘space’) I lay resonating with the healing wishes towards T.’s children; I believe it was shortly after the purging of the two evil seeds (which were ‘Teasing’ and possibly ‘Yelling’) that an immense event unfolded, so immense that I would be delivered upon its wave for the next six hours!

Suddenly Yage began pouring streams and streams of her milk onto me; the bliss of this bath is/was beyond words… I lay surrounded, soaked, bathing, being lapped up by the milk! Love poured and poured, beyond human bliss!

A cosmic-level of sensation opened up, all limits fell away, no barriers, no mind, only the consciousness upside down umbrella-I collecting her love rain; she would set a time later, after ceremony, saying that this night we would make love as never before (something to this magnitude)…

A Pile of Gold Teeth

The ceremony rolled and rolled… I visited a Galactic Knowledge Guild or Center where they showed me their flag-icon, which was a pile of gold teeth; I was told that this symbol came about since knowledge belongs to no one, that it is all from God, that we experience it, though it is not permanent, nor ever finished, that here Nothing is all, no more words, no more arguments, debates and competition:
The gold pile of teeth symbolizing the human’s surrender and vast Holy service to the celebration of God’s unspeakable origin, from whence Knowledge derives (My sense of it in my words here, now.)

Love’s clear patina

Soon the tempo of Love stepped up from Yage’s love and effervescent milk to an ascent and full blown embodiment of Love itself; Yage spoke to me so directly, very close-to-the-ear, saying, “You are the final landing place of Love.” She said this several times as Love literally landed on me, an invisible etheric being, although later I would experience making vast love with the Goddess of Love, the originator of my Headdress of the Goddess of Love!

More than clarity

I went to the water station to fill my bottle prior to going inside the Main House and was told that it was the Blood of the Virgin Mary; the voice also instructed me that I could tell others about this ‘transformed liquid’ though did not have to: I scanned the area and sensed it was not the appropriate time…

I drew the Reiki sign (the same from C.30) 3-4 times tonight in the air: At one point I experienced its submersion into my sex/pelvis and neutral/silent integration…

Voodoo

Towards the end of my stay in the C.H. my astral body lifted out, turned backwards and ran into a collective mass of Voodoo, which was hovering around behind me; an awesome astral surprise to say the least. As it hovered near me, my body took on an involuntary stance of Holy Communion, while some other spirit shone through my eyes, some-thing that I sensed was a being radiating the Most Holy Feminine, possibly the Virgin Mary or a Saint (?) My left hand took on the posture of holding the index and middle finger up, side by side, while the other three were brought together to form a sort of tripod-pinch, while my right hand held up its palm as if to indicate a halt or Stop-sign… I stayed in this pose for 1-2 minutes as this haunting presence passed away.

Dr. Love,
‘Come to me, I am ready.’

On this night I heard Luco singing at least one Icaro that I’ve never heard before; I sensed that there may have been the birth of another icaro (new) this night (?)

Yage mentioned that a shower after ceremony was in order; soon I found myself deeply intoxicated as The Final Landing Place of Love, walking through the Main House’s hallway, my head wobbling like a giant heart faintly attached onto my shoulders… (The image of an automobile weeble-wobble came to my mind.)

While in ceremony I experienced having access to a refrigerator full of beating hearts! Also the proclamation that, “Tonight, tonight I am Dr. Love.” Yage’s milk flow lasted at least 30-60 minutes in the C.H., thoroughly drowning me, immersing me fully in the white oxygenated Love-milk womb; I was ripe, so ripe for her picking…

As I entered the house I was ablaze with wet drunken love-nectar dripping, rolling me around in its mouth and sex, the height of bliss that reigned upon my body as if I were a phallic throne was limitless! It burned and burned all night, keeping me on an Astral Chakra Climax Peak, a roller coaster stalled on the tallest dive point for 4-5 hours!

Three quarters of this night’s experience would happen in the Main House, between my lengthy stay in my bed and the Dining Room…

As I lay in the C.H., I heard Yage say, “Come to me, I am ready.” I rose up, put on my shoes, located my headlamp and went to take a shower… I vaguely recall the psychic residue draining off of me from the healing performed on the children of T. and washed myself with the soap T. had gifted me, prior to her last days in Peru…

Note: I was ripe, so ripe this night, envisioning myself as a pharaoh-nic potential to turn this small village into a teeming Metropolis of fertility rites and children of God’s eternal bathing! This was far beyond the Greeks!

The Love was so immense that at one point Yage asked me to kiss the porcelain’s coaster and I did: I had entered such ecstasy, that not even Death and Decay stood a chance at not fostering children by me!

The Holy Pelvis

After the shower, experiencing myself covered in Shipibo, crystalline see-through-ish matrixes/designs, I found myself standing at the entrance to my mosquito net covered bed… As I stripped down, I experienced myself as the Holy Sacrament, an offering to an Angel or Deity, the original Fountain of Youth… As I entered, I took along my headlamp and Ipod, being asked to ‘tune it’ to Ravi Shankar…

As I lay down, huge waves of erotic milks, hot running honeys, blazing showers of Love fell through me, like some kind of Cosmic Wind; I have never experienced such depths of bliss and ecstasy in my life… Not all my/the sexual experiences combined could consummate this; it was taking place in an Astral Bed with a Being so seductive and gregariously able to share that my mind utterly disappeared in the vast liquid wetness of this slippery visceral garden, pulsing with a host of lovers soon to visit me, and the Holy Pelvis open to the symphony of Blazing tongued Hearts!

Once I lay down… The sequence of these events is near impossible to order 100% exact, yet the ‘food’ is here to eat! As I lay, Yage descended upon me, asking me to open my mouth, that she was going to pour into me her milk; I did this as my body shimmered, stepping higher and higher into a refinement of ecstasy and crescendo which kept the blackboard of my mind erased as the soft rubbing of the eraser drowned me in its meaning’s dust!

On and on she made love to me, asking me to open my mouth so that she could orgasm therein… Liquid, prehistoric quantities of sexual manna surging through my Astral body, lighting all, limits dissolving the already dissolved, doubling back on itself, licking caressing, diving into my wide eyed smile of sexy-hotnesses! [The Human Body references had disappeared, I was something else, an entity driven to the edge of a Galactic climax and kept there to reveal what lay beneath enduring such Godly-foreplay!]

Suddenly a Tree-spirit showed up and descended upon my sex, making deep, ultra-self absorbed love to me and making it a point to not disclose its identity… (?)

One amazing aspect of this 3-4 hour experience in bed is that while this lovemaking was constant I was also leaving my body and traveling to heal my family and friends!

Smile operation

Laying there I performed (these procedures also intuitively flowing through me) several psychic/energetic operations on myself… One was a nervous-system adjustment in my right arm, another was during a very hot and erotic session with one of the four seasons, I believe it was ‘Summer,’ where as my wet finger probed and rolled around in my unabashed love-mouth, my forefinger went, like a small blunt spear to each end of my lower mandible, i.e., where it is hinged to the skull and pressed hard there, releasing some very old blockages; soon it would move to the back of my neck/base of skull and ‘psychically’ seal up an old physical wound, where as a child I had hit the back of my head on a piano-point/corner. I was told that I had always (since that event) had an energetic leak there, effecting my ability to smile… Soon into the night, I would experience the Birth of my Galactic Smile!

A Hollow Crystal Taxi

At one point I got into a sort of Egyptian mummy pose and could feel a crystalline structure (having edges, like a glass, see-through coffin, though shaped more like a crystal) surrounding me… Suddenly (I had previously willed this travel along with possibly some interpretation by Yage.(?)) I found myself traveling to Ohio, where I eventually got out in a rural area. The exact reason for my presence there would be vague, I recall simply ‘being there’ as a presence in the dark. Soon I was back in bed, though I sensed a part of myself was still there (Ohio) as if my consciousness was connected to my astral footprints and fingerprints!

Blossoming Crossroad
The cotton monsoon

Suddenly I found myself face to face with the Spirit of Winter, she was coming to kiss me seductively; nearing me I could feel the coolness of her breath, her vast hibernating belly of quietness, her ever-virginity pulsating, rubbing over me, plunging into my electric field: I believe it was with her that I experienced such a surge of electronic ecstasy that my body went into a spontaneous back bend as whatever was taking place in my head quivered and shook on the verge of a nuclear blinking out of ‘I.’

Winter asked me to be her poet, to write of her essence, favor, etc. I dedicated myself to her… Throughout these visits there were also immense foreplay bouts, far beyond anything the usual flesh could ever handle, this was an astral love making ritual of a sort I could never have dreamed!

During Winter’s visit, I recall activating my snowflake hands/medicine, showering snow upwards, zoning it outwards, total surrender to her mastery over me and my conscious possession of the male logos, the Galactic pulse, staff of wonder and celebration of the propagation of the Eternal Worship of the Holy Feminine, the Galactic Vagina, God’s girl friends…

Hot Oil Filled Body of Balloons

The next season to visit was Summer, so hot, a desert of focusing on the fact that the only ‘water’ available was ‘on’ and all about the sexual portals; vast, far reaching solar winds passing through me… Soon I’d start looking for my bottle of water, i.e., the Blood of the Virgin Mary; Yage laughed to herself, saying that I was in it now… I laughed at the irony of forgetting my water while entering a molten fire pit of raining a thousand sweet-spot hurricane eyes! I did not leave the bed’s enclosure, the link was finite, drawn ‘As-is’ on the contract of the One and Only moment!

My breathing changed, inhaling desert heat, passing hot air mostly through my mouth and then the nostrils later, as my body was a virtual vat of shimmering sexual stew, steaming; I sensed a sort of astral mist being produced by her vicinity to me, by me, through my sexual center/organ (I could discern this astral mist leaving me, i.e., wafting above my pelvis.) The immense foreplay going on inside my mouth and the waterfalls from her pelvis, showering, filling me… Each rite-session with a season lasted about 20-30 minutes.

There was one point in the evening when I experienced my pelvis as a lagoon, a basin where fairies were diving into and bathing, swimming, chatting, etc.

Mouthfuls of Sprouting Wet Bulbs

Soon Spring would arrive, laying her vastly voluptuous body upon me, sending the ecstasy deeper as her erotic-juice weight bared into me (I was her Forever-couch!), I, an astral-tactile, my body disappeared so far as human reference points. All sexual definition collapsed, the left brain sizzling away in the pan of love, evaporation, condensing, lubricating the gears of an utterly Galactic Rite…

I could sense Spring’s immense presence of birth-giving, her Eternal basket of eggs, her belly swollen with expectant birth, never ceasing an eternal temple of pregnancy! She pressed into me; I arrived at envisioning the Cosmic Vagina above me, as my body became a sort of slippery whole phallus for its play… Cosmic saliva, fields of wetness, yet no yearning, all was satisfaction, yet the Roller Coaster stayed in place, the climax held, as Yage would intervene from time to time to tell me that I was about to climax, though held this news’s reconciliation at bay throughout the entire time, until…

Eternal Christmas

There was a vision (via an astral travel-arrival) of the surface of another planet (Not sure, though I believe this was before the birth of Aeux…) I was told something like, “Your love has created these towers of molten glass.” I saw 50-80 story (possibly vastly taller and broader than Earth-buildings since I could not entirely relate to the scale because I was perceiving it from a distance) cylinders towering, below were tiny cell-like beings working, extracting the glass and blowing Christmas Balls so to decorate what seemed to be a constant land of Christmas (The sense here was that these were indeed, dwarfs and not elves.) I was told that they were ‘my dwarfs,’ very similar to the birth of the Mermaid legion in my ‘head’ via a previous ceremony… I could see their village nestled in snow covered rolling hills with the decorated Christmas trees growing near the towers.

All along, the lovemaking and flow of the Cosmic Feminine was non-stop; I’d arrive back in my body as the scene simply wept with glittery sauces of love!

Steps to Love standing, Flying Still

I found myself connected to my Stepmother and performed two procedures on her using my own body as a ‘container’ for her astral spirit: the first was a head procedure, it was related to her history of head-aches, though I do not recall the context/theme… I do know that there were connections, like large electrical wires dangling, being reconnected and fused… In the second healing I took my right hand and held it over her heart; suddenly a vacuum occurred and I could sense that it was sucking out a vast quantity of skeletons and debris… This ceased and I returned to being in bed.

White Luminous One!

A great White Moth descended upon me, its wings were at least 12-14 feet across and its voluptuous white torso-body being 4-5 times larger than my own… Its feminine sex-entrance hovering over my pelvis, a shinny advertisement of ease with ecstasy-perusals, foreplay, pollinating… There is a sense that the sexual mist issuing out astral-ly from my Second Chakra may have provided some of my lovers with a kind of fertility-status (?)

Smiling miles of strewn out Love-surrender! There was a moment when Yage told me, “Here it comes.” Speaking of the relief of this 3-4 hour peak in my astral sex… Though she still held me longer and longer, as my body wrestled with pure hot air!

There was a place towards the end of this session that T. showed up; we flirted cosmically, though there was no actual sexual act… The immensity of this visit was Galactic! And in its potency of potential as well...

Twin Crucifixions and The Smiling Christ

Suddenly I was transported to another dimension where I saw myself nailed to a cross and T. to its other side, i.e., one cross and two fronts… I was told that the original symbol of the crucifixion was A Smiling Christ on the Cross, that it was a symbol of Divine Union…

Soon this cross began spinning at an enormous rate and then, a nuclear bomb of bomb’s force exploded into a Galactic spray/a huge, ever reaching, thinner than thin flat plane of rainbowed light/energy… Its look was that of Saturn’s rings, though in vivid rainbow colors…

After this, I returned to my body in bed; T. would crawl over me in astral form, dropping pink rose petals into me; I was initiated into the Priestesshood of the Pink Rose… Soon a Flaming White Lotus appeared in my large/small intestines and the sense that there could be a tattoo there came to me; there may have also been a pink lotus as well involved here (?) Additionally, there may have been a guild/hood associated with the lotus (?) The merging with T. was beyond Galactic, her smile radiating through me like a billion trillion caret diamond! Soothingly we rocked in a sort of airy lucrative foreplay, pink rose petals drifting down into me from everywhere! Whispers of promises so deep! I recall sensing that all of my being was simply a collection of Holy Promises to come true! Fields, flowers, trees, animals, beyond, far surpassing the Garden of Eden… The cross may have been the consummate-session/scene of our foreplay to union (?)

One Cage and One Doll

I found myself visiting T. in the manifestation of the Flaming Tongued Hearts surrounding me; she was pictured in a tall metal cage, i.e., the damaged masculine’s ‘Bird in a Cage.’ I held up my hands of flaming hearts and sent waves of having found her as my Twin Flame, my Creation-body Twin, saying, “Be free, walk my Love.” As I held my hands in place and focused with Love and Offering the cage began to dissolve…

Coming back to the bed, I envisioned another friend of mine (V.M.) and asked Yage if she was a God-sister, she replied ‘Yes,’ though this felt a little vague until the tempo picked up and Anne was added to the list; then a voice said (although the first friend and I never had a sexual union), “All of the women you’ve ever made love to are your God-sisters.” A vision of them all grouped around me in another dimension lit up in my consciousness…

It was in this period of time that I visited Taylor (an apprentice here) sitting in another astral dimension ‘meditating’ (a first kind of visit with an apprentice.) I was there to deliver the message that she was not alone... I also received messages concerning her mother and father being her sister and brother, her mother’s birthing of her (Taylor’s) cosmic children as an honoring to Taylor (these cosmic children which are her brothers and sisters in the third dimension on this Earth). And that Taylor was Venus and to focus on her chest, her motherhood energies, health in that area, etc.

I soon found myself with L. (my friend in CA), expressing my love for her: I was looking through her body and saw a broken doll… I said to her, “I will fix your broken doll.” I was given the message that she had been making love so much to her ‘broken doll,’ some sort of trying to subconsciously-medicate its broken status (?)

I also received visions of multiple lovers taking place in this physical, third dimension, though later a sensation of propriety and conscious timing held this far out as an appropriate flesh-manifestation, yet the sense may have been an astral one, having no context of body-expression in the third dimension (?)

AEUX
You are the planets you’re wondering about.

Returning to the non-stop love-crescendo, I lay and lay in a field of no exhaustion, my astral breath, a cloud of ever-ready masculine prowling… Deep, deep ripeness was in the air, as I smiled, my whole body smiled, my pelvis a virtual blank galaxy swirling with architectural plans for love without separation!

The moment was upon me as my thighs squeezed and my body went into various frozen contortions… Soon the eruption to take place, the pathway to it, opened up in Galactic Space where suddenly I saw an ocean wrapping around a planet, I, sensing all the teeming life on it: I was given the cosmic confirmation that I had given birth to a planet, i.e., [facilitated it with Ayahuasca and all the other lovers?] The planet’s name came out of my consciousness sounding like ‘Axis’, though spelled ’AEUX.’ Note: Throughout these events never did my physical body respond with a climax in the physical world…

Father of My Father

I suddenly found myself in Hell; surrounding me was a three dimensional field of Flaming Hearts with their tongues sticking out, contouring the shape of my body… My initial impulse (prior to this journey) may have been to heal my father, though right now I resonate closer to that I had him in my consciousness; I consciously connected to his field of sadness, his immense missing of his father (who died when my father was 18.)

In Hell I witnessed my Father’s Father rooted to the dry ground as a tree crying streams of tears: I said to him, as I placed my hands straight out in front of me, each having a Blazing Heart with a tongue sticking out, “I am here to liberate you.”

With a sort of magnetic energy, I emanated this pulsing field towards ‘him’ and as the tree lifted from the Basin of Hell, I soared it (the tree) out into Space…

Soon I could see it approaching my planet… Once in its atmosphere, I set it down in the ocean as a sort of first ‘island.’ The tree’s canopy leafed out into a great vastness (300-400 yards across) and this would be my planet’s Tree of Life!

Rigid Milk

(I believe this took place while I was in bed.) The sudden transport/vision of sitting down at a table (Yage’s presence was near) in another dimension; its chairs were tall, very upright black cats (somewhat cartoonish/animated looking… In their center-midst was a bowl of frozen milk (or semen). The cats began lapping this up and it began to flow inside my pelvis (astrally). I sensed this was the final stage of my Second Chakra healing/birth… (Realistic black kittens (and not those of the chairs,) ‘teenage’ sized, were the ones taking part in the defrosting.) Note: Also the chairs may have transformed into the kittens (?)

Galactic Sexy Tigress

Afterward I had the sudden and so-immediate sense that I could go and have a drink of water and to find my cat to cuddle, to take a shower, get dressed and spend time with all this. It was near 3AM as I stepped out of the mosquito net and into this ‘other world.’

I went to the shower and experienced myself as the Galactic Sexy Tigress, something that I also experienced in the shower prior the entrance to the Yage-love-rite… I could sense the feline energy teasing through me, the subtle witness of her emanations behind the shadows of my body’s cells, all walking to the gesture of her swaying tail!

Quotes from the Galactic Sexy Tigress embodiment came to me: “A flea’s ejaculation is cosmically vast.” “Your eyes are God’s gonads.” So much fun with her sauciness and wry smiles!

Manifesting as the tigress while lovemaking… Being sexually approached by the Gemstone Spirit: Brownish gold, similar to tiger’s eye, though not, rhinestone?

Sunshine

After the shower I went and dressed, going outside to look for my cat, I was astounded to find that he, similar to T.’s being in a cage, had been trapped inside the tool shed…

Freeing him, I took to cleaning his bowls, pouring him fresh water and giving him food… As I exited the Main House several times tonight I experienced being surrounded by the field of Flaming Hearts with tongues sticking out… I was still deep in the Medicine of Love’s landing!

I took to the hammock and lay with my cat; soon to be transferring some of the energies flowing through me into him. His body arched, his purring went volumes higher and he began vigorously taking care of himself, then being distracted by large waves of positive energy flowing through his spine and limbs, his chest pouring out vibrations of exotic body/spirit ecstasy, his hair standing up along the distance of his spine, etc. I witnessed his spiritual birth/awakening! And his name (I’ve nicknamed him ‘Chubs’ up until tonight) came to me, it is ‘Sunshine.’

Two Suns French Kissing

Soon, while in the hammock (and possibly when I went to bed later) I experienced the embodiment of two suns Galactically French Kissing; the heat of this loving scoured me, my breath changed, similar to being made love to by Summer, though deeper, more vertically passionate flowing through the middle division line of me. I suddenly experienced the birth of my central nervous system upon my Titanium skeleton from these Suns’ union!

Notes

My embodiment of being Love’s meteorite.

I was given the message that I am to work with healing prostitutes: This may have also been a repeat message/reminder or a stray line from a previous ceremony (?)

While in the C.H., touching the Earth/floor with bare hands and sending love pulses into the Earth.

That miracles would occur through me.

It was during this ceremony that I acquired/was given the Eyes of Christ and told that they were to be stored between my eyes.

My experiencing of Holy Abandonment as a sort of Galactic consciousness sliding…

Tonight I received a pair of long (white with red hearts) gloves: A voice told me that these were for assisting in difficult births, seemingly both in the third dimension and astral; these were the contexts shown/sensed.

The sudden deep, deep connection with my Step-brother; my sensing him as my Cosmic Brother… The vast feeling of appreciating him and wishing to honor his constitution and position in this Holy Matrix… Vowing to ask him to be my best friend (I have done this). Connecting with him through the present-image of my right arm, touching it, sending him my deep resonance with this revelation’s landing… (While in the hammock.)

The extraordinary love invested in ‘Sunshine’ while in the hammock. The Ipod perception, its cord being the orgasm ‘material,’ the plug a phallus and its ear buds were the gonads!

It was in the hammock that I felt so deeply masculine-ripe to transform the village into a teaming metropolis: It is also here where I left my body and visited all the females of the village as a symbol-reminder of their duty to serve the Cosmic Feminine, God’s immortality, etc.

I was a honey-well for the Holy Kingdom of Spirit!

Being reminded several times throughout the evening as I drank from my water bottle that I filled via the Ceremony Room, that I was drinking the Blood of the Virgin Mary…

Apologizing to the chicken under the sink…

The evil ‘seeds’ were planted by a father/masculine figure…

Step-brother connection: Best Friend.

I vaguely recall being poured into with vast quantities of diamonds.

God came to me and said that certain forms of sexuality on Earth were Holy Abandonment gone wrong: that mankind was created to tend to the Cosmic Feminine, to acknowledge and propagate her manifestation on Earth… And that all other forms of sexual expression had the potential to be in the service of hailing ‘Her’ other than its opposite…

At one point I recall Yage asking me to ball up in a ball, a kind of fetal position, though do not recall the context (?)
[I may have entered her womb (this resonates today).]

Listening to L.’s Ipod music at the end of the night as I drifted off to sleep: I also brought T.’s emerald and diamond into the bed with me.

Ceremony 30

2009-11-25T11:07:00.000-08:00

November 16, 2009

My heart beating is the
sound of your footsteps.

An intimate beginning since there were only six of us making the ceremony circle tonight. Luco poured my medicine… ‘Salute’ and this very peculiar evening was set in motion. Grandmother Ayahuasca would tell me before ceremony that tonight a new level would be reached; also, last week she mentioned that these ‘last five ceremonies’ would begin a series of experiences where I would be ‘stronger’, i.e., more in possession of my full ‘power’. [What these words ‘mean’ in the context of an ongoing evolution with Yage, I cannot fathom: There was a change in tonight’s unfolding, though I am not certain as to whether or not I was more ‘strong’… These aspects are still incubating as the ceremony’s afterglow is sifting through me.]

At the beginning I experienced myself as a large jade-cut-gemstone and that all the trips to the bathroom were Yage’s deeds of cleaning this ‘gem’. This ‘washing’ was the general theme of these purges.

I would visit the bathroom 3-4 times tonight, commenting that a checkered flag on its wall would be great!

Prior to ceremony I drew a symbol of Reiki on my left palm, taking this into ceremony to experiment with. Early into the ceremony I would be asked to draw it three times in the air using both my hands; nothing else happened, that I could perceive as a distinct result connected its sketching.

At the start of ceremony Yage would tell me that I was protected via being her son/lover, in her home, etc. A vague recollection of specifics… I sensed that in this vision-reception that I was sitting down in a chain/throne of some kind and with each hand upon a staff, holding steady some station in another dimension…

Yage would visit my Daily-deeds, showing me the flower she’d weave into me!

Vaguely I recall being asked to send twenty healing-spheres to the newcomer who was scheduled to partake in these last five ceremonies of the Lodge’s season.

At the beginning I could feel a kind of ‘mass’, seemingly indigenous to my mind, sitting/positioned between myself and access to the surrender to/of the electronic realm. This eventually subsided though its character-echoes stayed around and would surface in a tactile way from time to time, with/having no particular attitude or inner-dialog…

At this early stage, my chest was filled with pearls… Grandmother Ayahuasca began unpacking the pallets of gems in my head (that the Ten Holy Skeletons had placed there during a previous ceremony) this ceremony night and said something to the effect of, “What did you think these materials were for?” Hinting that they were for building something, though this was not shown.

The medicine was slowly working tonight; about 20-30 minutes into ceremony Luco asked us if we wished more, I was the only one who said, “Yes, pakito mas.” He suggested (though I would not get the translation till lunchtime the next day) that I wait ‘ten minutes’, which was the right timing. The medicine made a strange trail-design into me tonight, opening the door slowly, yet all the way… I liked this subtle, gentle meandering for a change, the soft dialog, the spaciousness for breath and prior-contemplation, easing into the zone.

Totem Calling

The first things that I was called to do was put in the Bear Totem’s emerald eyes and to ‘keep them in,’ secondly I had the intuition to call upon the Black Falcon… Soon its beautifully dense (like an ultra agile body of quicksilver) majesty would descend as a second visitor would surprise me; a great sized, black Egyptian Ibis positioned itself next to the Falcon, both were perched inside me, side by side. The enormous beak of the Ibis was so regal, there!, outstanding as it sat itself, softly, so still and confident in me!

I spent most of the initial ‘preparation time’ on my mat, laying and sitting up. Early into this I experienced myself as a crystal-clear-shape of some kind where my consciousness was positioned, staring through it, into some of Life’s icons, possibly utilitarian spaces, a house or room of some kind? (As I write this, I wonder if I accessed my old crystal ball that is now in Holland with a friend?)

A voice reminded me that I was a Holy Servant of God and asked/requested that I do whatever I can to help T. with her life, i.e., to do whatever it takes to make her happy, etc. The deepness of the surrender to this commitment was immense, cosmic-handiwork manifest on Earth, transcending mind-barriers, all thought-yields, all mortal stop-signs, diving, skimming across the lake of my true ability to be as much as I am without fault, doubt, regret or second guessing afterwards or before…

Subtle messages concerning the healing of a friend in ceremony (that introduced itself in C.29 with the arrival of the Obsidian Dagger) commenced, dropping messages from time to time, investing me in preparation for it…

Note: A message in this ceremony that ‘fire’ is God’s seasoning.

It was near mid-ceremony that Yage told me that she had a message for my friend in CA who mentioned that I may be hiding myself behind ‘cryptic writing’… Yage said to tell her that I had no self to hide, that her (Yage’s) little kitten has nothing to hide and that the cryptic way of writing was simply my individual tone of purr… I smiled and opened deeply my heart to Yage’s love tonight, vast, glowing, cosmically right and humbling, so softly strong! Yage would also confirm who were not my God-sisters, that I had wondered about at one point in ceremony, and cautioned me to be on the lookout for distractions via others personal lives trying to ‘hook’ into my field…

Black Blazing Lotuses and Diamonds

A voice came to me and spoke of Thor’s or Zeus’s thunder bolt; suddenly descending from above a zig-zag-object came into my sternum, (The thunderbolt of Thor, Zeus or either having one to give?) apparently stationing itself next to the Obsidian and Ruby daggers; I do not recall the instruction concerning it, only that the voice quickly added that I was to receive the Helmet/headdress of Thor, this alighted on my head, sitting on top as a Blazing Black Lotus, a symbol that perplexed me at the time as being related to Thor (?) Soon afterward another voice (possibly masculine) spoke of the vestment of the Black Diamond; Yage mentioned that it might be a bit difficult and that I ought to lay down (Previously I had been asked to sit up and to radiate the blazing Black Lotus in ‘dignity and strength.’)

To add to the descent of the flaming black lotus: There was a point where I was prompted to spread the Falcon’s wings broad; suddenly (in relation to the prep of J’s healing) all the currently living bird-types of the world descended and perched on the wings… At that point I did not know what their function/participation would be; holding this posture of hanging these wings out for about a minute, I laid back down…

Vaguely I recall that Yage would add that the black birds were not included in this gathering of ‘All.’ (?)

Once horizontal, I sensed the Black Diamond’s mass being electronically invested in me, not its weight, instead, its beingness, function and spirit of meaning, though I would not be told what it signified exactly… In this timeframe I was told that I was now a member of Thor’s Guild, that my history in working with metals had attracted this ‘result,’ invitation/initiation…

The medicine-time was peaking as Mid-ceremony somewhat stalled, pausing between passing Time-floors… Yage would tune in and tell me as these stages came and left, that I would be healing J. tonight, at “the right time” and that there were no worries, all was perfectly scheduled and that it could wait till next ceremony (though it would not…)

While still laying down, I experienced myself as the Holy Black Mirror, i.e., most ultimately having nothing to loose, being the presence surrounding nothing so that Nothing can exist…

Notes: The thunderbolt may have been an investment towards J’s healing?

Someplace around the Black Lotus manifestation I received a pair of glasses (That I’d later be told to store behind my left ear.) for ‘Seeing behind Jail Cells.’ I kept these on throughout the healing of J. [This is most likely also directly connected to the mask pictured as a jail cell’s door…]

Black Whisperer

Soon after the installment of the Black Diamond next to the Red Ruby, which rocked my body with electrical jolts, shaking, spasms and deep moans as its storm passed, suddenly from behind my head (as I was laying down) a Black Cobra arrived; I was told that this was no ‘regular totem,’ that it was a ‘visitor,’ specifically here to assist with J’s healing. Involuntarily I took it into my cupped hands and inhaled it through my nostrils, into my body… The new ‘level’ Yage spoke of was upon me…

As I sat up I experienced firstly my left arm turning into a great Black Cobra, then my right, while next were my legs, all appendages having cobra heads as well… Soon after I would envision having an erect cobra between my legs, though this did not manifest in body… Suddenly the measure of this embodiment dove a depth that I’ve never experienced before: I experienced my brain stationed next to the Cobra’s, a dual ruling on one throne!

I could feel its fanned out headdress/flanks on either side of my head, its enormous oval shape breathing and serpent majesty! The Black Cobra spirit gave me one message to deliver to J., to tell him “The black cobra says hello.” And this was to be the only literal communication between it and I…

Several times I would go to drink a sip of water and Yage would say, “Do not swallow that one, spit that out, take the next one.” As I would do this, my tongue would involuntarily stick itself out, I sensed the cobra was experiencing me as a sort of embodiment as well! It swayed, stood regal, waiting for the moment of J’s healing to begin. Yage told me that she was going to keep me in deep (in the electronic zone) until the time for the healing
was right…

There was a point where I experienced the cobra wrapping around my heart and tensing it, massaging it… Also I was told that my torso was Black Bees, legs Black Swans and feet Black Adders at one point, my arms (I suppose) were still reserved to the Black Falcon’s wings, while my head was full of Falcon, Ibis and Cobra companions, though I sensed that the Ibis did leave prior to the Black Cobra’s arrival…

Twin Flames and The Lord’s Prayer

I went deep into my connection with my Twin Flame (T.), suddenly a phrase came from my depths, that I dedicated solely to T. and sent its endless beacon out to her reception, it was, “My beating heart is the sound of your footsteps.” I would soon be told, by what felt like an angel/emissary of God, that this was a Holy Phrase, that it contained power, like a mantra chant…

Also this night Yage told me that whenever it was that I would be working with others and the medicine, that The Lord’s Prayer’ specifically, would be a protection-summon for my particular ‘Mesa.’ Later a direct link to the huge antique Masonic etching I bought in my mid-twenties of it would link up with this ‘new’ introduction…

While I was showering vigorously after J’s healing, the statue of a plaster cobra (about two feet tall) that I coveted as one of the first things I ever bought myself with my own monies when I was about 10 or 11, this visited me and linked up… Additionally, throughout my high school days I was obsessed with drawing cobras, a single one, for some reason (?) This added itself to the cobra theme as well…

Space-black Medicine

Beginning: J. went to the restroom prior, as I sat in preparation: The cobra-spirit was fully awake, sober, regal, quiet and sure. My tongue began making an involuntary clicking noise on the roof of my mouth for about a minute; it was like some kind of incantation or beacon-message like Morris code (?)

I was told, early into this healing, that a Black Rhino was stationed in my bottom for ‘anchorage’ (As part of the healing-prep.)

[Interesting that although J. was a single person in ceremony, I wrote it like this the next day in my journal…]

As J. decided (they) were ready for the healing procedure, I got up and went to (them): Laying on (their) back, I took their right arm and gently embraced it, I delivered the message that, “The black cobra says hello.”

I took the Obsidian dagger out of my sternum, positioning it over the ‘sensed area’ and envisioned it being ‘dropped’ through his pelvis, sinking horizontally towards the Second Chakra (I retrieved this from his hand after the procedure was finished.)

Prior, after the message was delivered; the first gesture I did was putting my right hand on his right knee, while the other held itself over his pelvis: I could feel ‘the energy’ passing through my hand into his body, though no thoughts, pure mediumship…

Soon my left hand/wing went out over his pelvis area, and held there in the air: Then it (the left hand) went nearer to the pelvis, first taking on a Peace-sign gesture and then quickly those two fingers turned downwards (involuntarily) to form curled fangs (!) This left hand tensed up and froze there as my right arm/wing began swaying/fanning back and forth; amazingly, feathers from all the birds existing now on the Earth, began showering ‘themselves’ into his sex/pelvis/second chakra.

Next, the left hand went to his heart and I envisioned/sensed a heavy cobra body and head, fanned out, laying across his torso and heart… My right hand went to his heart, a voice told me that, “A sad boy” was in there, to take him out, swallow him and put him in my golden heart: I did this…

Afterwards the voice said, as I was back at the original gesture of holding his arm with both hands, that it was finished and that I could let go now. Doing this I said, “You’re welcome.” to his ‘Thank you.’ and went to take a shower…

Once in the shower I experienced the strong intuition to take a very thorough washing… As I was under its waters, I experienced the malevolent sexual records washing off of me and down the drain. The cobra spirit was still with me as I bathed…

Note: Prior to this healing, the Cobra and I sat with the others smoking home-rolled American Spirit cigarettes; it was amazing to experience this spirit-being taking part in this communal expression!

Dual Father-holding

Someplace between the arrival of the Black Diamond and the Black Cobra, my consciousness was transported (astral travel) to a dark landscape, reminiscent of Mayan or Incan architecture/feel… The ambient lighting was that of either numerous spot-fires or a full moon (?)

Suddenly I saw myself as a large-bodied man/humanoid (?)
Vaguely I could make out that I might have been wearing some kind of huge mask that had vertical bars stationed on it (Like a miniature prison cell door.) (?)

The most significant part of this episode was its context, it was concerning being protected from malevolent forces… I was told that I was being given two staves, solid gold skulls, male and female, their shafts being made of the total vertebrae, while their tip/terminations were the coccyx.

Note: On this night I would also experience the descent of a Flaming Black Snowflake… There was no mention as to its definition/cause… This may also have been a second visit. (?)

Ventiata

Luco would give me a healing ventiata tonight: As he stood over me with the Chicapa (leaf fan), singing the healing icaro, subjects began to surface to the upper atmosphere of my consciousness… I felt the histories of those abuses others have ‘invested’ in me leaving (or were they being unlocked to ‘vision’?), the sneers, yelling, teasing, crying, etc., all being fanned out… Throughout this I sat up in a state of deep grace and bounty! I love you Luco, thank you for you!

The epiphany about how this Earth and atmosphere (external) hosts our projections from our inner ‘Earth and atmosphere,’ i.e., the Earth’s sky is at the point where the brain meets with the inside of the skull, dynamically…

The subjectivity of some Shamanic rules/advices/cautions, etc. That objectivity is most often confided to the insides of our silhouettes.

Going to bed, performing my nightly dedication to T., deep, deep, resonance and endless lighthouse flashes to her heart! Holding steady the constant one pulse of ‘Heart.’

Ceremony 29

2009-11-15T12:02:00.001-08:00

November 11, 2009

The exodus inside the compass point

This was a special ceremony where Luco offered to have it upstairs in the Main House with Jeff, Taylor and myself. The beginnings of this ceremony’s outline began as we were traveling back on the boat from Iquitos to Jenaro Herrera; a voice told me that I would receive a smock, a mask and surgeon’s gloves tonight… On my way along the river I sent out messages to my Twin Flame (using waterways as a phone line). I also set an aim to help heal her and my God-sister in the U.S.

The weather outside looked stormy though only a mild rain began just as we were about to drink the medicine. In this ceremony, going with my standard of not specifying a dosage from Luco and the fact that it was so dark, I did not really see (for the first time) exactly how much I was getting, I guessed it at nearly a half cup, i.e., ‘a fat quarter’. The incredible beauty that I sense from this is that Luco has seemingly ‘plugged’ into my change of heart and simply pours what he feels is right and hands it to me, saying nothing before or after!

After drinking I could feel my inner circuits glowing within 5-10 minutes… For awhile I sat on the mat and swayed to the icaros, humming and opening myself to their vibration- currents… It was about 20-30 minutes into the ceremony that I laid down completely (We had only the mats upstairs tonight).

Going deep into the electronic realm, far down, opening my eyes, sensing Yage’s presence, hearing her voice… [The body/spirit effects of this ceremony lasted up to 2PM of the next day while recording in my journal.]

Ayahuasca petals

I believe this event took place prior to the root cellar visit (?) At the early part of the ceremony upstairs, Yage would briefly have a sexual encounter with me. Later, downstairs, Ia Umaa visited a second time for another love-dance.

Beautiful basement

Early into the experience I found myself laying on the floor of Yage’s ‘root cellar’, a beautiful place, though dark; I could not discern what was here. Yage would tell me there was nothing bad about this place and that it was a sacred space where she stored her goods (?)

All bubbles

I also recall psychically seeing and sensing the Prayer Spheres and Healing Spheres issuing out of me and away into Space: I was told that all actions send forth these ‘spheres’ and ‘orbs’. Some were round, others elongated, like the giant soap bubbles from dipping rings in bubble solution and pulling it along in the air…

Obsidian with love

Soon, a voice told me that I was getting another ‘dagger’, an obsidian one for sexual healing operations… Once again my right hand involuntarily made a rigid spear point pose and took its place vertically at my sternum, pressing hard into it while my body convulsed and my mind went blank for a minute or two. (It was placed alongside the Ruby Dagger.)

It was after receiving this dagger that Yage spoke of an apprentice who I may help, if they wished, with a ‘sexual healing.’ Yage left it to me to intuit whether or not to ask; this did not occur, though I will let them know of this…

Phoenixes and dragons

Following this was a smock made of playing cards, a surgeon’s mask of layered phoenix feathers and gloves made from the stomach of a dragon, though the type was not specified…

Another shamanic aspect was added to the ‘storage’ space of my face: A voice told me that I would have Red Dragon in my nostrils (!) It was demonstrated to me through mildly snorting outwards, that this was the activation ‘key’ for the Red Dragon Medicine. (It was not specified what this was for.)

A visitor after the river

Possibly for a second time (?) a glowing quartz jaguar skull showed up in my throat chakra, no other details arrived as to its purpose. (And I did not feel that it was emanating totem ‘specifics.’)

I found myself laying down next to Yage by/on a riverbank: She congratulated me on my keeping of my promise so far as no kissing or sexual activity while ‘connections’ still flowed… She requested that I snuggle next to her and rest, be at ease with her, etc.

I believe that it was at this scene that Tobie showed up in my experience and did a procedure on my upper body near my collarbones, reinstating that I no longer needed ‘this’ (? ~ I did not see what ‘this’ was.) In her healing procedure she was pouring into me rose crystal or was working with ‘rose energy’ to facilitate.

It was the first time that I’ve experienced another ‘being/spirit’ connected to a living human being enter my experience-zone in the electronic form: (Although the wind effects of Luco’s leaf fan did enter my Hades experience in C.5)

I had the revelation that she had been working through this dimensional modality for some time… I do not recall that she specifically said anything else, only that her heart’s intensions and technical procedures towards me were clearly communicated in inner-meaning-dialog.

Turtle token

Mid-ceremony note: The vision of the turtle head as living, i.e., a living part, a part as a whole) as my shamanic ‘pet’. I was told that it was not specifically a ‘tool’ for sexual healing… That its medicine-application would unfold later, that its aspect is ‘Indestructibility.’ (The voice also explained the salesman’s odd behavior in giving his sales pitch by throwing it on the ground and standing on top of it to show me that it was ‘well worth it’, as I was haggling over a 10 sole drop in the price (that I got); the voice explained that this ‘show’ was a communication from the shamanic realm.

Yage said that she’d permit me to have a tattoo of the turtle head on my chest “right where it was” (in that physical moment) as I lay in bed with it on my sternum: there was an additional detail saying that the turtle was associated with Mermaid Medicine… There was a point where I felt its etheric body exude itself outwards from the skull…

God nap

Tonight (something I’ve never experienced before) I had a distinct sense that God was asleep! Maybe Thursday is his truer ‘Sunday’?)

Goddess of Ruin

Near mid-ceremony I experienced myself laying inside the Goddess of Ruin; I could feel her silhouette/galactic consciousness embracing all abandoned buildings, uninhabitable regions of mankind disasters, graveyards, etc.
The distinct sensation of a vast application of fertility emanated from this embrace…

Ten Holy Skeletons and
Mermaid Medicine: Their ocean is you.

Towards the point in the ceremony when yage told me that the peak of the experience was nearly upon me, suddenly ‘the’ Ten Holy Skeletons (this title was given to my consciousness-knowing) showed up near my head.

These were 8-10 inches tall; a voice told me to submit to whatever would occur, I relaxed deeply as my core-joy emanated like a heartbeat…

I sensed that the top of my skull was taken off, as they began to busy themselves with shoveling out residue of my past, details, emotions, opinions, i.e., echo-materials: I could sense and partially envision them with shovels, throwing out sludge, rubbage, sweeping material, etc. Others were going through filing cabinets, some were sowing/stitching, cutting, operating, etc.

[Later, as I went downstairs to shower and sit in my bed/mosquito net, I would surprisingly sense them still riding on top of my head doing their labors!]

As they cleared out the debris they began moving in pallets of bundled gemstones, packing my head with these…

Soon, the plant spirit Ia Umaa (who I vaguely recall as being outfitted with large fairy wings, having an indistinct body, and the color green having some connection to its structure) showed up in the context of this project, she made love to me…

Suddenly a voice spoke simultaneous to the vision/experience of my head filling with ocean water, as baby sharks, dolphins, etc., were spotted appearing therein…

The voice explained that this space was being filled with the means to support Mermaid Medicine, that the baby mermaids were the children of Ia Umaa and I… There was a subtle implication that my inner thoughts and how I dealt with them via a conscious link to my conscience would be part of these babies ‘food’, raising, etc.

Soon the voice told me to go take a shower and that an alphabet was on its way to me… I said “goodnight” to Taylor and Luco, briefly experiencing seeing rainbows sprouting from her; I told Taylor about this vision and said that she was their mother.

Going downstairs I was still very deep in the medicinal zone of Aya and my body unusually, deeply hot: I went into the shower as The Ten Holy Skeletons continued to do their work. The sensation of the cold shower was different for the first time since I’ve been here, whereas I felt that it was cooling off my skin, though ‘I’ was not in it…

I went to my bed, carrying with me the newly acquired turtle head, my mojo-bag, journal/pen, Ipod, water bottle and headlamp… A voice told me that this would be the first time that I’d be setting up a Mesa of sorts… I did this and began to draw out (A-Z) a mermaid alphabet: soon would follow two different talisman drawings for female and male sexual healing (specifically).

Also, after being shown how light and gemstones can assist in healing chakras, a list of 7 gemstones/stones came to me, each specifically for individual chakra application. [This transmission was a little ‘bumpy’ and I will try to reinvest in it again, to further clarify its precision(s)]

A note: The alphabet phenomenon were as a small spider crossed my lap in bed I had the distinct message to squash it; in doing this it immediately transferred (in image-essence) to part of an alphabet character!

Battlefield snowflakes

It was near this place in the ceremony that I was shown how Tobie and I had crawled/traveled across the battlefield of Earth to find one another! The sensation was that we started at opposite ends of this ‘field’ and met in the stillness of its reconciled ‘middle’: An awesome sensation of vision.

Holy Reservoirs and purges

Tonight I was shown and told by a voice, once again, about the liquid crystal that Tobie and I would produce for the crystal orphanage palaces… And that the plant spirits would ‘Move Heaven and Earth’ to bring us together, that we’d grow old in our service… There was another revision of our son being a ‘Prince in the medicine’, specifying that this would occur at an early age… Aya further taught me details concerning Holy Sexual Expression, etc.

An event occurred after the reintroduction of the liquid crystal subject: I became ‘A Holy Reservoir’, a container for this crystalline substance… Envisioning myself* as a large dispenser, available to Celestial Beings, angels, etc.
*There was a subtle thread of a message that Tobie shared this ‘title’ as well.

There were three purges tonight; two of these were from misc. energies sent to me via a person in the U.S., another from the healing I had done on Tobie… Tonight was also a first in that my planned healing of Tobie occurred ‘behind the scenes’ as her arrival and healing me was seemingly a precedent…

Notes

While riding back on the boat, taking Tobie’s advice, I asked my fingernails what they needed to grow stronger: The word I received was ‘Magnesium’.

Yage told me not to worry about a friend of mine who is having a difficult time in the U.S., that Yage was working with her, etc.

The subject/occurrence of Face-entities came to me this night, though they did not manifest visually (?) I do not recall what they were associated with.

Putting in the Grizzly Bear eyes: laughing to myself after wondering why my vision was so strange, i.e., that I had forgotten they were in…

I was prompted several times to lay within the Black Egg though did not.

The vision of a jewel-instrument for the applying of the ‘light method’ to heal chakras. The idea came to me to construct a diamond-emerald ring with my friend’s gifts to me, instead of putting them into the turtle skull…

Repeat? ~ I received a message during a past ceremony that there are chakras in the knees (?)

I believe it was Yage who instructed that I could teach art in Peru, here in the village and possibly get a grant (?) The grant idea may have been an afterthought of mine.

Yage telling me that my mother is a manifestation of her.

Sending Love/healing energies, thankfulness, etc. to those in the room, my parents, step-mother and brother, Grandmothers, forgiving those who have hurt me, etc.

I believe it was the next morning while I was still experiencing the ‘effects’ of the medicine that I had the epiphany that the Egyptians ‘Arts/Crafts of Death’ (decorating, elaborate tombs, etc.) may have been the ‘mirror image’ of a living tomb in another dimension, that they were celebrating (being in) Death’s vestment of a deeper living and bountiful astral lifestyle via under the tutorage of a similar teacher as Yage, (“To die before you die.”) Their handling of the Death-tomb also reminded me of the Titanium skeleton vestments of recent, that their golden tombs depicted the portraits of their newly acquired immortal Galactic bodies, entombed in an eternal cocoon of endless expression and flight…

Real love flirts with itself.

Ceremony 28

2009-11-14T18:30:00.000-08:00

November 8, 2009

Holy Open Heart Surgery

This particular ceremony’s content is ordered differently due to a time constraint when I recorded it: I wrote it in event-segments so as to not loose the vital cores of the lessons and changes that took place inside me… The segment-sequence isn’t exact, though is true to event… As usual I let Luco choose my dose and soon double awoke in the Ayahuasca zone… A deep, powerful ceremony; clearly flowing and adding from those events of C.27!

Holy Love Service

I soon took to the mat stationed behind my rocking chair; once there Ayahuasca presented herself as my lover and mentioned that she was going to have an orgasm in my heart. I felt this ‘substance’ flow into my heart as my body convulsed and an odd electronic wave shuttered through my etheric spirit and subtly my flesh…

Following this (and throughout the ceremony) Yage would give lessons concerning sex, i.e., that my sex is pure, that mere acts are not sinful, it is the context of emotion invested in ‘the form’ of sex that brings about the corruption. That the Earth has lost the sacred practice of Holy Love Service (making love to give to the electronic field of the planet as a sacrament, etc.) Scenes and senses of this craft/discipline journeyed to me…

Boots and Gauntlets

I received earlier at the river (prior to ceremony) the message that I’d be getting ‘boots and gauntlets’ during this ceremony.

Early into the ceremony, as I lay on the mat, these items presented themselves to me like a fairytale being woven into the reality of my breathing living! The boots were delivered as being made of woven wheat: A voice told me that these were for walking in the Valley of Death. The sensation of them going on was soft, humble, assured…

The gauntlets; each had a different sensation as they were being built onto my hands and not prior… The left was empowered by the Astrological Forces of the Horizontal Plane of Earth (having also a distinct connection/relationship to those living Earth-representations of these astrological forces) and has the jaguar totem picture on it, while the right was/is empowered with all the Planetary Aspects of our Solar System, having the buffalo pictured on it. (I felt these physically erupting into manifestation upon my hands.)

Ruby Dagger

It was at this stage (near it) that my right hand did a strange involuntary gesture, it went into a rigid spear point gesture and turned to meet my mid-sternum area… Once there a force pressed my quivering tense fingertips into me, this hurt a little as a voice told me that I was receiving The Ruby Dagger, to be sheathed in my sternum. (The sheathing position felt to be horizontal to my eventual standing up posture, i.e., not running parallel to my body line.)

When receiving this Ruby Dagger a voice told me that I was now a Holy Surgeon of the Order of Red Cross: Briefly some sort of huge shrine to the crucifixion arrived in the Ceremony House…

A voice said something about a crucifixion taking place inside me (I anticipated this, though a different ‘form/expression of this event’ happened that I could/can not apply my mind to, an event perhaps ‘behind the scenes’)… The voice also said something concerning paying homage to the crucifixion subject/event…

As this Ruby Dagger scene faded, I was told that I’d be performing a Holy Open Heart Surgery on Tobie.

World Purge

Either prior to the reception of the dagger or simultaneous, I received the message that I would be having the hugest, biggest purge to date, etc. Soon the voice said, “You are about to experience a World-purge; this occurred through my heart, scattering my mind to the void for several minutes, (The shaking, and the heart, head, sex chakra energy exchange… A voice saying that, “This is Diamond Mind.”

Holy Sacred Caution

Soon afterwards I was told that I now had an octopus living in my stomach with tentacles facing up. The octopus told me that she wears my erection as a diadem; I felt this imply a Holy Sacred Caution and discretion in this area.

Ruby Stomach

It was after the octopus manifestation that I was told that I was also being given a Ruby Stomach, I sensed that this had something to do with transforming substances that I’d receive while healing others, i.e., ‘Having to stomach…’ (This would soon prove to be right.) I briefly experienced the Ruby Stomach’s solidification inside me, briefly turning the octopus into a ruby coated being too, or permanent, since I did sense that I now had a ‘ruby octopus’, though this feeling was semi-rooted (?)

Calling to send

Throughout the ceremony Yage would ask me to send large numbers of Healing Spheres to Tobie (40-50 in all). Yage would also express incredible joy and celebration upon me concerning my keeping of my promise via C.27 about showing certain forms of affection towards someone still ‘connected’ to another.

The Mask of Sorrow

I believe it was nearing mid-ceremony when I voice told me that The Mask of Sorrow was descending upon me, to invest into it as much Love and Forgiveness that I could muster, so to dissolve it, etc. I did this; I experienced a brief merging with dark forces, though my joy remained rooted in my consciousness as a witness and dissolver of pain, confusion, resentment, etc.

Afterwards Yage would reveal that it belonged to Tobie, that this was delivered to me due to my desire to help her heal ‘echoes’ of past sufferings.

Perches

There were two instances when I called up various totems (not all of them) that are associated to me… When they arrived, I experienced for the first time them settling into their ‘regular places’…

The dove nested in my heart, the falcon on my head, while the owl and hawk were each perched on either sides of my shoulders; the eagle inhabited my winged brain and the tiger was walking around behind my chest.

Crystals, Future and Diamond Mind

As I lay on the mat a voice asked me to open my mouth, as I did this, the pouring of a cascade of rose crystals down my throat took place; the voice continued to say that this was for foretelling the future.

A second pouring occurred, this involved a bit more gem-material and I sensed that it filled larger cavities in me (?)
I do not recall the exact gemstone, I believe it to be either blue sapphires or green emeralds (?) The voice told me that this would lead me now to the acquisition of the ability to predict illness.

The Black Egg

During mid-ceremony dense energies were circulating; suddenly I found myself presented with a black egg… I was told that this ‘egg’ was both a transportation device (that I’d be instructed in later) and a protection chamber…

I covered myself with my blanket and envisioned the vertical depiction of a huge Black Egg and later saw the horizontal version while laying on a mat; both visions showed me inside it.

I’d later be instructed to produce a shamanic fabric with long black gloves (and possibly some sort of writing), i.e., a cloak of sorts that I could place over me entirely and with long-sleeved gloves, enabling me to work on others while inside the orb.

Afterward I found myself involuntarily storing it in my left eyebrow. I felt that the cloak would be for very ‘once in a blue moon’ (very rare) applications.

God Thee

God told me tonight that, “Enya is an angel in disguise.”, while I was listening to one of her songs that Paul was sharing with me during the after-ceremony-time (We were both listening to the song at the same time with one ear bud each).

Yage told me that God has no wife, only Lovers and that she was one of them.

God saying that Yage does not know/rule over the Angels, that he does (the Angels, Arch-Angels, Seraphim, etc.) and that she is the Queen of the Plant Kingdom, his garden on Earth…

God saying to me, “You’d better be grateful!” (I do not recall the context here…)

God showed me how his eyes are covered by a lens made up of all the eyes of the world and that my frustration is his frustration… There was also a small glance revealed as to his level of suffering; this felt that it would nearly annihilate my ability to be present to its witnessing!

A voice told me that, “Your (Tobie & I) lovemaking will produce quartz crystal palaces, places (foster homes) where orphan angels will live.” To take great care of her, that she is a jewel in God’s crown…

Beg into blossoming

Kneeling on the CH floor twice; once was for the gifts (?)* and the second was for gratefulness towards the Bear Totem for its presence in the healing of Tobie… The Bear telling me that my thanks was accepted. *I believe the first kneeling occurred after the World Purge through my heart.

As I knelt with my hands cupped as a bowl, my consciousness was suddenly taken to a cosmic scenery/sensation of presence where there were beings in naked human form suspended in Galactic Space holding empty bowls… A voice told me that they held the Galaxy together.

I will do the rest

Note: Towards the beginning of the ceremony Meghan told the apprentices that they could help others if the demand called for it… I waited for the right time to approach Tobie about my call to do the Holy Open Heart Surgery on her…

I went to her; asking if I could enter her space, she replied “Yes” and I sat down. I told her about the request of the Medicine that I perform this service [or possibly it came from the same voice who told me about the significance of the Ruby Dagger (?)]

She placed her right hand affectionately right where the end of the dagger ‘was’ (This was an incredible coincidence! There are none really.) I told her about this and asked if she’d pull it out, she did and I took it and placed it on her heart…

With my inner vision I saw her heart anatomy briefly and could sense that the dagger began to slowly sink through her chest and into her heart. Yage then said, “I will do the rest.”

At the beginning of this healing I called in all my totems, one by one, saying their titles innerly.

There was a point early on where the Headdress of the Goddess of Love manifested and stayed for 5-10 minutes…

I found myself putting into each of my eyes, one by one, the emeralds of the Bear Totem… Immediately the Bear Totem embodiment occurred and ‘I’ (we) placed its right paw over her heart and the left paw on the side of her head…

I experienced intense tensing up of the hand over her heart and the sense that the bear was sensing something deep and stubborn that needed extra attention to come to the surface and exit; I could sense its long, etheric claws reaching into her astral body, near the heart-field!

There were also transferences of energy through the left and right hands/arms from my solar plexus to her heart and head and back again, initiating a flow…

As the Bear Totem held steady its quivering, tense paw, I envisioned her heart solidifying into pure quartz crystal…

Concerning her heart, I/we pulled out a dart/sliver, sending it on its way with love. I then made a scooping gesture with both hands over the top of her heart area, taking this contents into my mouth and swallowing ‘a portion’ to be transformed in my heart.

Her deep responsive breathing, convulsions, little growls and hisses…

Towards the end of the heart work, I called up the manifestation of the Gloves of Love (the exorcism gloves) and held one above her heart; I experienced a sort of imprinting occur via the crystal heart phenomenon and sensed that a protective film/bandage had been administered.

I retrieved the dagger from my right hand and placed it back into my sternum (horizontally).

I then moved to her head for the second part of the healing.
I placed the huge Bear Totem paws laterally across her face with the ends of the paws facing opposite directions…
The Bear Totem called her several times to bring it up through her throat and purge, it also worked on her throat chakra during this request…

It was also speaking to something inside her, telling it to leave or it would reach in and pull it out by itself…

It did not respond and this is when the Bear Totem said, “Then I will pull you out.” Gently reaching inside her mouth, I envisioned the Bear Totem’s claws being used as a sort of great sized pair of tweezers; these grabbed hold of some etheric ‘edge’ (a wing tip) and began to slowly pull something from her mouth…

Once outside, in my vision field, I experienced it as some sort of flapping bat-like-entity (‘Bat-like’ though no body, seemingly all flapping wings.)

It flapped furiously while being held in ‘my’ very tensed index/thumb-hold on it: Flitting it off towards the Path of Love, we sent it on its way…

She would purge 10-15 minutes later after I went to sit down, as I watched over her progress/process while embodying the Bear Totem. I took her purge bucket, replacing it with a clean one and delivered its contents to the Earth outside and gave it a final rinse in the sink.

Notes

Towards the end of ceremony, the manifestation of Alligator Medicine towards a fellow deaf-attendee of the Ayahuasca ceremony.

Purging through taking a couple trips to the bathroom.

To be a bright blue shadow.
I want to be God’s pocket watch so I will always be the right time.

Seeing the huge upside down Pentagram over the bathrooms; and being told that it is an ancient symbol for the Evacuation Exit Temple of the Purge, that it is a corruption that it is considered an evil symbol.

A voice told me that the Earth was the Fallen Angel… (The transformation of each human-coat-cell.) (Angel-cell?) Leading to the redemption of the fallen one (?)

Yage sent a message through me to tell Jeff that, “You are beautiful.” Also a suggestion to Tobie to change her name.

Throughout the ceremony tonight I put in the bear totem-eyes several times.

Several fairy-type entities came to me and presented themselves. Bat-like and possibly integrated with architectural designs… No specific theme or function that I can recall (?)

The revelation that my friend in CA is also a God-sister of mine: Tobie is also and is additionally my Twin Flame… Experiencing the deep, deep realization of my eternal commitment to her as my sister from my Father-God origins.

Yage instructed me concerning my friendship with my ‘sister’ in CA: Asking me to cancel the trip to the coast ASAP and to write a thoughtful letter explaining the transformations, changes, etc. and that she is a God-sister of mine.

Strongly sensing the eagle wings of my brain throughout the day after ceremony.
To be careful with my diet: No junk food (Cookies, salty chips, etc.)
That Yage would reconsider the tattoo ideas and possibly provide the designs and locations.
Learning discretion, vicinity timing and to not get into the ventiata field of another (per this night’s events).

Sensing a need to build a shrine to my Grandmothers. Yage calling me a ‘young shaman’. Experiencing the beingness-sense of my Earth given name in the shamanic realm while I was sitting in the rocking chair.

The next day after ceremony; the sensation that there is molten static behind my forehead…

The huge shift to not spread bad news and speculative news.

The titanium material revelation that came to me the next day while wondering about the skeleton’s composition: That the Galactic skeleton was represented in this material since titanium is one of the only metals (possibly ‘the only’ so far) that the body ‘reads’ as bone, i.e., grafting onto it ‘naturally’, no rejections, etc. [To verify]

The deep sense of starting new as a god-galactic skeleton beginning… The sensation of quiet, subtle carefulness concerning the building of my Eternal body/spirit…

Thanking the bear/or experiencing my aspects of Dignity…

Sending energies to misc. people throughout the night: Distance orbs of healing intent/energy-charge…

Grandmother Yage said that all of her cooking utensils were made of solid gold. I caught myself wondering if the water she used was ‘exotic’ (?) She soberly replied with a precise answer, saying, “It’s just regular water.”

I went to use the right gauntlet to perform a self healing this night and Yage stopped me halfway and said, “No, the other one.” I used the jaguar/astrology-gauntlet glove to pull a large string (rigid cord-like) from my left leg/calf: Prior I experienced a throbbing sensation there; it disappeared after I pulled the ‘blockage’ out.

I spread the Black Falcon medicine around the CH room; sitting in its deep, secretive meditation of royalty… The sense-perception as the witness to its presence that it was keeping ‘spirit-rodents’ at bay… An incredible embodiment of its watch-tower dedication! I believe it was here that the Headdress of the Goddess of Love also manifested awhile, a second spreading of its energy-intent took place.

The vision/Galactic-wisdom-receiving concerning the ‘Round Vertebrae’ via the state prior to the God-seed’s division into two separate sexes…

Ceremony 27

2009-11-14T18:26:00.000-08:00

November 6, 2009

Your choices and actions will
be your organs and muscles.

This ceremony will mark the beginning, the true birth rise of my god childhood… Tonight was the second time that I’ve left it to Luco to pour me his choice of dose: Soon into the ceremony I would see the revelation delivered concerning the ‘field of choice’ that he sets up for those to decide how much they want, i.e., that this is solely related to my sense of being given the choice of dose.

The revelation showed me (after many other backdrop contexts occurring) that total surrender to his cosmic position as a master servant is the final breakthrough, to pass through the ‘right of choice’ and ‘changing of mind’ and enter holy communion with Trust and Surrender…

After having my dose I sat back in the rocker, covering myself up with my traditional blanket… Soon the medicine opened the electronic dimension, moonlight slowly ebbed through the CH, I sank deep, so deep into the medicine’s disclosures: Far, far down… Yage told me that it may be better for me to lay on the mat; prior to this I went to the restroom a couple times…

Laying down, Yage told me to cover myself up, to concentrate on the cape, (I recall that I was told that I would be receiving a cape at the beginning of this ceremony, during C.26 or outside of that ceremony at the river.) that I was safe, to relax, breath, etc.

As I relaxed a message came to me that the cape was about to be weaved; my neck began having quivering convulsions, I was told simultaneously that this cape was made of the wings of all those creatures/living beings of the Earth, all the way back to the Pterodactyl. I could sense the cape scrolling out of the back of my neck…

With the cape half way finished, my lessons would shift… Soon my experiential field would broaden to include the experiences of others; this was subtle, not intense and the mantra to ‘hold my space’ would not be so consistent this night… I sense that it has integrated as a sort of intuition via the zone-state of field-living in the electronic realm…

Several events occurred at this stage: I do not recall the exact sequence, though the timeframe is correct so far as its being at the start of the journey. As I lay on the mat I could hear that many were experiencing difficult journeys; several times dark energies were passing above me, Ayahuasca instructed me to ‘build my protection’…

Down deep I felt that I was somewhat let go for awhile to produce my own heart energies to send out to dissolve or give signature to my light-point in this ceremony space… I saw several screaming alien-ish creatures approach me: Throughout this period of witnessing these, my joy and state of innocent presence did not wane.

An empty basket

Suddenly my soul consciousness was transported to a temple complex; standing as a witness I saw a demon approach this place, I intuitively knew that this was my temple in another dimension… The demon was carrying a basket, he was visiting to pickup ‘supplies’ or ‘ingredients.’

When ‘he’ made it to my cabinets/shelves a light showed that there was nothing there for him to cook with… Soon my consciousness would return to my body in ceremony as I clutched myself in a field of incredible emotional response to this living affirmation and lay in deep, deep smiles of love for this work in the medicine, for my own integrity, etc.

There were several times when Yage asked me to rinse my mouth out (To definitely not swallow any water; Ayahuasca regulates this in such an incredible way, one’s body becomes her plant in a ceremony-pot.) She would also instruct me to close my eyes at certain times when there were ‘certain presences’ passing through the CH.

Diamond calcium

At one point, as my eyes were closed and I had covered myself up with my blanket (as instructed by Yage), I felt a presence enter the CH; my inner eye could perceive the being, though not the nature of its ‘business.’ (Later I would sense that it was a messenger.)

The image I witnessed was that of a 7-8 foot diamond skeleton… It was walking around in the central part of the CH, where there are no mats… I felt that this being was some sort of holy emissary.

I lay, while its visit subsided within 1-2 minutes; I then rose from time to time to send out love and forgiveness energies to those in the CH; I could feel the Sanango going deep, my skin was heating up and my mouth was consistently dry…

Fairies riding

There was a time when a group of fairies riding large, gangly smiling spiders showed up on my periphery; I smiled and beamed love to them, blowing them kisses and beckoning them to come to me (I believe they were already on route, only stationed waiting for my invitation.)

Suddenly there were many more; they covered my body quickly, something seemed to pass over ‘us.’ Once this was gone, they quickly dispersed; it seems that their sole purpose tonight was to protect me from something, acting as a sort of blanket. (Were these the same fairies connected to the act of my promise not to kill mosquitoes in C.26?)

I went to the restroom/at least two more trips while deeply immersed in the astral connection… Yage would call me her son several times and at a couple places in the night she’d coax me to stretch out, relax and ‘purr’ because I was her kitten, “lion/tiger cub.” The immense affection and endearment!

The rest

At some moment, early on, the cape finished; the same physical convulsions occurring, etc. After its completion I was told that this cape would be used to return spirits/souls/soul shards back to the Path of Love; there was also an indication that more details concerning its qualities were to come… (I did not receive a visual of this garment.)

I embraced my father, step mother and step brother several times at this ‘beginning’, sending out healing energies, etc.

At the stage where dark energies were moving through my field of experience, I was doing several hand gestures, making the smile line-pictures with astral string and sending them outwards, drawing hearts, pouring out as much heart energy as possible (At one point Aya told me that my capacity to send this aspect [Love and Forgiveness] was endless…

Moon light

At this stage I also sent many spheres imbedded with the intents of love, gratefulness, thanks, etc. to my parents, Luco, Meghan, my apprentice friends, etc. Several times I created blankets of hearts and panels, spreading these around me, laying, relaxing deeply as my joy resonated, peering through the moonlit interior, working deeply to hold my heart outwards, to pour rivers of love and affection into the CH space… Breezes would pass over from time to time; I would sense these as nearly ‘shamanic elements’ from Nature, assisting to clear the CH space…

The medicine dove deep; tensions would arrive in my muscles, then making a conscious decision, I would relax and surrender; Yage found something in my stomach/large intestines… An event occurred here that I’ve never experienced, several spheres were removed, though it felt as though they had no particular meaning, that they may have even been ‘gifts’ now not needed (expired) and being transferred to another (?) I felt these leave peacefully…

Another removal phenomenon not experienced before was a sudden need to pull from my fingertips some sort of orbs. Amazingly my fingertips were throbbing physically whenever one of these orbs would surface/migrate to their ends… I pressed out several of these (8-10) and gently tossed them onto the Pathway to Love, consciously looking towards that direction ahead of me and making a definite will-message that they go with my peace accompanying them…

Additionally something else that I’d do to balance and maintain my joy-space, to keep its electronic structure together, was a sort of back and forth gesture with my hands, to cup and take energies from my sex chakra to my crown and then from above back down again, a sort of see-saw effect…

Kiss-promises

There were several one, two and three kiss-promises (A new method of ‘sealing’ an agreement between Yage and I) that I made in the early parts of the ceremony to Ayahuasca: Several times I was instructed to kiss her by kissing my own arm/wrist or hand… Her presence tonight was so intimate... There was a promise concerning my commitment to support the family I have as my sacred ‘unit.’ The second involved a method of showing affection, i.e., to give no kisses on the lips of any who have present-commitments or ‘connections’ (This was a double promise), and the triple-kiss-promise was to only write love poetry…

Galactic Guardian Totem

As I dove deeper I suddenly found myself in Space: A voice came to me saying that my Galactic Guardian Totem was about to greet me: From above I saw a great sized Grizzly Bear dressed in some sort of ornaments/garb (?) It possessed enormous white angel-wings…

It descended upon me and instructed that I take its emerald eyes and swallow them; I did so and found myself sitting in my ceremony-rocking chair, while the bear-spirit being manifested in me… I could sense its paws superimposed over the tops of my hands, its broad body radiating through the parameters of mine and its head surrounding mine. Sensing that this was too intense for my beingness to sustain, I took the emeralds out of my mouth and stored them once again in my right eyebrow…

The quiet grandeur of this being!

Tonight I do not recall that the totem said anything else, other than the request to swallow its emerald eyes. To add: Peering through the emerald eyes, i.e., with the grizzly-spirit presence cloaked over me, saturating, I saw multiple transparent layers of Shipibo designs! (A first) I could feel my eyes quivering with electricity…

Glowing god-toys

Near mid-ceremony I found myself in some sort of semi-dark grove/a clearing near a forest… Vaguely I remember that the cape may have been connected to this new introduction/scene (?)

A voice came and told me that I would/was being initiated/given the gift to heal/work with Chakras…

Suddenly this dark clearing lit up with a most incredible group! There were giant, bright, rainbow hued chakra entities; it was as if these were the mothers/fathers of our body chakras (?) They floated about, semi-mingling with one another… Standing there I was so overwhelmed by their beauty that (even in astral form!) I turned away. The voice continued to tell me to read/study about chakras… [There were several places in this ceremony where voices (incognito seemingly) would narrate such scenes…]

(I recall that these mother/father hovering chakras had complex bodies filled with geometric designs/structures; as I write this they remind me a little of something between exotic cactus and orchid blossoms and complex jellyfish combined and semi-transparent.)

I believe there was at least once tonight that I called up all my totems to ‘equip me’ with themselves to assist with the immensities felt; and these arrived, though in subtle ways.

A sudden revelation came to me, it said, “All churches on Earth are spaceships doing divine work for the soul’s evolution, no matter the surface drama judged by the mind; that this context was on the scale of Eternity.”

[We see/judge phenomenon through the filters of human-body-mortality years, i.e., a predisposed lifespan/mind expectation/opinion of Time and expression; the ‘conspiracy theory’ is the unrecognized theorizer within.]

Filth surrounding lotus roots

I quickly entered an incredible emotional spaciousness; here I fell in love with those efforts that my Mother and Father made to bring me into the world. I also connected celestially to the body of the Earth, all of my friends, my own body, etc. Here the ecstatic tempo dropped so deep that my physical body-mind could not take it, i.e., produce enough expression to stay aligned with the enormous ecstasy depth occurring, demanding its birth and expression…

The aspect of gratefulness/thankfulness erupted in me, while my cries of the immense acceptance of my utter dependence on God and all creation drove my soul out of my body…

It was also at this stage that I began to perceive the Holy love vibration within me for ‘the filth of the world’. The process of falling in love with ‘the filth’ took place here as I knelt down and kissed the grainy CH floor…

I found myself in Space, looking down at what I sensed was the dark half of the Earth; a voice told me, “You are done with the mortal coil.” (There may have been an additional sentence here.)

There was a distinct implication that I was obliged not to ever turn my back (Period!) on anything involving God’s Holy Mandala, i.e., this Earth-space (The life coating of living Earth).

God’s field of eggs

Suddenly my body began to shake, immense streams of energy were shooting through me, I felt that there were fusions taking place between my second chakra and third eye: Soon these torrents of convulsions and fusions were so numerous I relinquished, and gave way to experiencing my body’s reaction to it on Earth…

I was returned to Space where a Galactic Birth took place; it felt as if there was a rift, i.e., a sort of vaginal opening in the fabric of Space, then a bursting, dual fanning out of white hot light; a voice sounded inside me, saying, “You have arrived, you are as you have always been, a god!”

My presence emerged from some sort of God-field of eggs (?) The moment is indescribable…

Cradle-watch

Soon I found my Galactic-beingness witnessing the origin-story about the birth of human beings! I could intuit the meanings, hearing them, though not audibly, it was as if the story spoke to my pure knowing, though not through sound waves… [I had entered through some kind of Galactic information pane.]

It explained that the God-seed split; one half became man and the other woman, that their union (procreation) was the sprout, the vehicle of God’s immortality, i.e., a division of the soul-god-seed, union, birth, division, union, birth and so on, God’s cells dividing eternally!

Twin flames

It was here that an immense revelation took place: In the context of this story of the birth of humans, the wisdom field dove somewhat sideways; I heard a voice tell me that my current friend Tobie, here in Peru, was my “Original Best Friend”, that she was ‘that other’ who was produced at the time of ‘that’ God-seed’s division which produced me… I, incarnated in the role of its male half and she in its female half… The sensation was that we had not met since this event, possibly for eons.

The immense emotion of finding her, my original best friend: The vision of her dancing jubilation as a young girl coming towards me, smiling, laughing, full of the Positive-Eternal! And an extraordinary celebration of innocence, our sharing of company, to just know another, to be blessed by company!! The aspect of knowing someone different than my ‘I AM.’ A whole new vision of others was born here.

Fulcrum love

This process continued; I saw myself in Space, deep Galactic-space, beyond context and specific expressing… In one hand I was holding extreme poverty, in another I grasped wealth and abundance: I experienced myself as stationed there, an eternally fused linkage of love, as a kind of permanent position, as a sort of fulcrum point…

God speaks

This scene changed and I experienced myself back on Earth, sitting near the Ceremony House’s screened wall, yet my consciousness was somewhere else, at a sort of duplicate ‘fascia’… I saw/experienced myself kneeling down at a fence line and voice said, “Welcome to my kingdom’s gates.” This was God’s voice…

I saw myself as a solid titanium skeleton that was covered in all kinds of runes, some kind of celestial language riddled over my entire skeletal body like hieroglyphs on an Egyptian temple…

God said, “Your choices and actions will become your organs and muscles.”

I knelt as the titanium skeleton and kissed the dirt and debris outside God’s kingdom’s walls: It was also here that I experienced the crying of a kitten that I’ve recently found here in Peru and experienced it in this God-dimension as being on the inside of the fence line…

I lived in this moment as a brand new Galactic god-birth, a baby of god as a god with the body of a hieroglyphic titanium smiling skeleton. Additionally God revealed to me that the only organ/muscle that I would possess in its fullness was a red beating heart, stationed/hanging suspended inside this skeleton…

Second hero birth

I returned to the CH; in my human body-shell I experienced a major surge of energy and a kind of second manifestation of a birth, the Birth of the Hero (though not the affirmative Hero-mythic, a reality) and while now continuing to hear the kitten crying outside the CH, I also experienced two dimensions at the same time; in this galactic consciousness, peering out, sensing my new body within the human coat, I looked towards where I sensed the cat was and whispered to him that he’d be ok/alright… I also sent him a Sphere of Care, Warmth, etc. Simultaneously I experienced my consciousness in Space looking out to the stars with the same care and will-wishes, as if they too were my ‘kittens’.
[It was also here that a quickening of the aspect of dignity took place.]

The hero-stage was a brief scene (I believe that it was connected to the image/being of myself in Space as the fulcrum, a hero-balance of poverty and prosperity.)

Ruby roots

While coming out of the Hero-birth/manifestation, I suddenly heard God’s voice say, “And to you I give the red ruby.” In a flash my head and neck/upper back began convulsing deeply; I saw the ruby as a huge elongated oval or rectangle dangling in my skull, towards its forefront, fusing, electric, so, so intense! I do not recall any purpose/meaning being disclosed about it (?) Possibly this was connected to Dignity or prior to the Hero-birth (?)

God’s emerald forest

Coming ‘out’ of the Galactic birth, while laying on my mat, I suddenly found myself standing in a deep, dark, massive forest: God’s voice said, “Welcome to my emerald forest.”

I faintly saw huge, dark gem clusters, similar to stalactites, hanging down like Spanish moss from the tree canopies (Trees that I could not discern in detail). The immensity was similar to the ‘Chakra Garden’ (Too much to behold and hold steady with). I quickly found myself back in my body on the mat…

God-child

Another incredible surge of boundless energy washed over me: I recall Yage saying, “Now you have the strength and dignity to get up.” I tried this several times, partially rising up from my mat, taking water to wet my mouth and spitting it out in my bucket…

My consciousness was radiating inside this new body, a sense of myself as a Galactic-god-child was/is the most immense event/feeling I have ever experienced so far in my life…

My human consciousness was gone, pure cosmic beholding took front and back row seats, while my human ‘connections’ were being ‘taught’ by my newborn Galactic-sense(s) somewhere in the middle…

I am welcome in Life

I noticed that I had run out of water and looked to Paul, who was sitting to my left; a shyness to ask happened inside me and then a pause occurred within the omni-presence of my consciousness, as if it were a sort of meteor or single asteroid-echo suspended in Space…

A new sort of dignity rose up in me, a kind of fearlessness and trust that I am welcome in Life… I asked him if I could have a drink of his water and he said, “Sure.” Kneeling down, he picked it up and said, “Actually, you can have it all.”

Deeply immersed, bound inside the resonance of this titanium body-skeleton I looked to him and graciously thanked him for his generosity and willingness to share…
I ‘entered’ the inside of the CH as if I (my consciousness) was radiating out, pulsating through my human-shell…

I got up and went to sit on the rocking chair, which was directly in front of my mat… When sitting down I could discern my body with my inner-eyes. (Before getting up to sit down, it is here that Yage told me that I could drink a little sip of water.)

Neptune filled

As I sat there, my consciousness embodied in the resonating field of the titanium skeleton’s presence, my presence left and went to a sort of in between space (?) [Between Time, Physical and Outer Space (?)]

It is vague at this one scene how I reached from the Ceremony House to Outer Space… Nonetheless, I took hold of the planet Neptune and while holding it in my left hand, I leaned over and taking my cup of water, put Neptune in my mouth like a pill and swallowed it: I could feel it suddenly expand inside me to a much larger size…

The voice of God came to me and said, “The planets are my candies and Pluto is my favorite chocolate.”

Holy Choice

When sitting in the chair as the god-skeleton, I found myself making sweeping vertical loop to loop gestures with my arms and hands in full orchestrations straight down my torso, balancing, moving rhythmically to the icaros…

It is here that I sensed the holy division line down my center, a possible ‘birthmark’ from the division and the opening of the Galactic-rift birth-portal (?)

A sensation of Holy Choice = Holy Creation, etc. That all I do from this point forwards will manifest in the actual Galactic-space-living-field…

The Holy Empty Church

Mid-ceremony, possibly towards the end, witnessing myself as the Holy Empty Church. Experiencing the slight introduction to conscious-creation and sending out to a vision of a temple in the CH various ‘personal’ touches, etc.

God’s Holy Mandala Part 2

While I was still seated, a voice asked me to kneel down on the floor; there were other subtle implications of expressing thankfulness, etc., here… I got up and knelt down, my hands took on the gesture of an empty bowl resting in my lap and I stayed there in full mercy.

Soon the revelation came that all the filth, poverty and suffering of this world was/is a Holy Mandala (A field where god-plants roamed and propagated, to someday reconcile the recorded suffering of the original separation and be born as Galactic-beings. (?) )

I kissed the ground again and re-fell in love with the depravity-film of the Earth aspect (a second time). It was here that I committed myself to serve this Holy Mandala of Suffering…

Yage would come to me and ask if I was ready to commit entirely to being here in Peru and to serve Luco unconditionally… I agreed to this and she told me to make him an offer of my services…

As I stood up I experienced myself as several feet taller than my physical human form and sensed that I was standing up for the first time (Or at least a sense that I had not done this for eons.)

At this point I entered that ‘in between realm’ again and while standing, took on the visual likeness and spontaneous pose of an Egyptian statue stepping forwards with one foot forward. My body was shown as a glowing white form radiating in the darkness…

Mary’s golden eye

From this pose, I turned around and sat down; while seated and looking out there suddenly entered my body a vast presence: My/an inner voice introduced it as the Virgin Mary…

Suddenly my left hand involuntarily went out, a blazing golden eye opened up in it and I began slowly fanning this back and forth (with my hand held straight up/at a right angle), blanketing all those attending with Virgin Mary Medicine: This was an incredible event!

This presence in me was living and cosmically breathing, embodying itself inside my titanium skeleton… As I moved my hand slowly to the left and right I could discern small hearts, the sensation of kisses and gentle caresses going out in wave upon wave-forms, saturating all, like ripples in a pond… This lasted for 5-10 minutes.

It was at this point that I looked over and saw a shadow on the wall that I sensed depicted a friend’s suffering pose, a massive collection of sexual dark energies; I began sending all my healing energies/intentions to ‘it’. Within several minutes the shadow had slightly changed and I sensed that the tormented feminine had been healed to a degree that it was now reclining not through burden, rather in the ease of breathing with the personal power of an inner maiden-doctor/nurse…

Notes

We are the medicine boiling in the pot.

Note: Today, November 7; it is difficult to process myself through my mind: Experiencing my brain with wings…

In relation to my original best friend;
‘I was in love with you before Love was a word.’
Envisioning us walking on lotuses.
My being a column of fire holding the hands of a river (her).

Possible repeat? ~ The issue with my step-brother, to support him; making a commitment to do this…

Thank you God, thank you for my friends.

The deaf person singing Luco’s icaros, i.e., humming its tune. The threshold revelation (?)

The aspect of trusting Meghan; a beautiful birth of connection, surrender and annihilation of the aspect, Demonstration-drama-devices.

The Medicine’s effects and the integration of this Galactic-birth-state lasts still into this morning of November 8, though I feel more balanced, my sense of self does not work!

While still deeply in the zone and sharing with Paul and Jeff after the main part of the ceremony was over, I experienced Paul as the talking young Buddha. Embracing Jeff and welcoming one another home. The light Paul and I saw in the trees while sitting in the CH.

Ceremony 26

2009-11-14T18:22:00.000-08:00

November 5, 2009

Two gold skeletons dancing together
in God’s molten white temple square.

This is the first ceremony session where we’ve had two individual brews of Yage (since so many people are drinking we quickly emptied the first batch). This third ceremony of five was incredibly potent; most likely the greatest depth that I’ve reached over an extended period of time and connection with other beings. Tonight I decided that Luco would pour me whatever he felt was the correct dose. I received a half cup…

Soon after (between 15-20 minutes) I found myself very deep, as though I were enmeshed in the temple of contemplating connections, lessons, daily reaping, conscience, servitude and Yage’s vast administration of change, permanent, grace, flowing layers of immense depthless-ness and light.

Scales

While laying down at the beginning of the ceremony I was told by Yage that this evening I’d be outfitted with a helmet and possibly ‘armor’… Soon, surprisingly, there arrived a great serpent spirit; it spoke saying, “Wear me.” It also implied that by my wearing it, this would coincide with being ‘swallowed by the serpent.’

Soon I found myself immersed in a strange energy field, submitting, relaxing; I could envision scales covering sections of my body: I do not recall any instruction as to what this ‘suit’ would mean ‘shamanically’… There may have been a message about getting to this at a later time (?) I recall sensing this great serpent spirit entering me ‘frontally’…

Additional helmet note: The ‘armor’ seemed to be depicted by the snake’s scales, while the helmet was a combination of the eagle even and falcon, though I sense it could be exclusively the falcon. (?)

Hold your space

One of the first occurrences was the introduction by Yage of the evening’s mantra, “Hold your space”, which felt like a shamanic exercise in deliberation of sharing my energy, to mind my business beneath my wings and not my eyes and various fleeting curiosities, etc.

Yage would continuously instruct me to cover myself up (after I soon went to lay down on the mat behind the rocking chairs) from the mosquitoes, to close my eyes and not look out at ‘the business’ going on, to softly encapsulate my space with flowing, boundless love and forgiveness, to also rise up from time to time in a sitting, vertical position, having access to an open visual space, to give out love, radiant, unconditional, breathing breathlessness, then to quickly lay back down, hold my space, etc. This rising up and laying back down went on for 30-40 minutes, resulting in a sort of succession of absolutions, totaling 10-12.

Note: At the beginning of ceremony when Yage said, “I’ll be right back.” And left to do her rounds!

Winged

As I lay an incredible event unfolded; I experienced an eagle arrive, land on my head and lay an egg… Quickly this hatched and my human-brain gained great, broad eagle wings and briefly paused in spaciousness far above my physical body, outfitted with these… Pure, thoughtless, yet saturated with duty, service, ability and a willingness to ‘walk’ with my consciousness, like a great bird on a tether, free to fly as its trust and ‘daily bread’ pleases…

There appeared to my consciousness the spirits/beingness of my step-mother, father and step-brother: An immense revelation of a ‘right order’ occurred to me… The sense was that I had now the opportunity to take a heart-oath, to be responsible for the family I had been given to be present to…

I found myself gathering them together, one by one, placing them as a group a small distance outside my chest, embracing them, and then pulling them gently into my heart-brood…

Once therein they appeared as my fledglings; my heart deepened, my consciousness leapt so far down into the cosmic contemplation of their humanness, their dance of incarnation, their boundryless vulnerability and awesome need of this gesture.

I envisioned embracing them in a kind of inner sanctum heart-nest, imbuing them with care, grace, cosmic silence, a sense of purpose, reliability, justice and compassion. I made solemn promises to support them in any way I was called to do, deeply rooting myself in this, resonating, at peace, poised to stay and freely flow…

Rivers of love and forgiveness

At some point in the beginning to middle of the ceremony I connected with an episode where a fellow apprentice had arrived at a difficult crossroads with the medicine; soon Yage would begin a series of ‘calls’ to me to send waves, abundance, rivers of love and forgiveness to them: As I lay on the mat, I found myself making involuntary flowing gestures, sweeping from the root chakra to the crown and outwards towards them… Surprisingly I upchucked a very quick contraction in my throat, though did not vomit; Yage told me that I was purging ‘a part’ for them…

Throughout this connection with them there was some sort of ‘spirit-anchor in the storm’ applied in performing this service/connection: There were times when the potential of Love and forgiveness was so great that I could not contain it (not that I was trying), only that its boundlessness was surging through my human being’s ‘boundaries’, seemingly initiating a readiness on my part to be of service to the medicine at this crossroads, giving out and eternally with all and without! (Later I would sit with them for awhile, holding their hand and sharing this connection, reinvesting my wish to them, rivers, much, oceans of love and forgiveness…

Tempered Gold

My body heated up tremendously several times and a little ways beyond mid-ceremony I lay on another mat that was placed in the middle of the CH by Paul, experiencing myself as set afire by the medicine, a solid gold skeleton consciousness ablaze, burning, burning, burning! This went on for about ten minutes…

Fairies and mosquitoes

Someplace towards the end of my healing call to the apprentice and my transition to the mat where Paul and Taylor were sitting (it was placed slightly to Luco’s left, nearly in front/touching his mesa), an odd phenomenon occurred: In this healing flow I was sending to the apprentice some kind of barrier was subtly met… It was not a ‘tapestry’ in me, it was ‘outside’, in the atmosphere above… Soon a group of fairies arrived and implied that they’d help with this ‘impediment’ if I promised not to kill any more mosquitoes (!)

I agreed to this and they replied that they’d hold me to this promise and proceeded to ‘apply themselves’ to it: I was not shown what they clearly looked like and only vaguely recall that their ‘method of dissolution’ was a sort of unweaving, touching-massage, feeling, etc.

This ‘meeting’ lasted 3-4 minutes, quickly resolving itself as I kept expanding, going within and going out to spread love, forgiveness, compassion, patience and goodness.

You reap what you sow.

The depth kept pulsing, diving, submerging into a bottomless, roofless harvest of, “You reap what you sow.” Yage would manifest at least twice on this Law of Love and Cosmic Justice, i.e., that my ceremonies would ‘go’ as I ‘traveled’ daily, how I ‘planted’ my intents, what I gave selflessly and without advertising an expectation of praise or marks…

Black falcon

Back to the middle of the CH: Paul and Taylor had moved back to their rocking chairs while I lay on my side immersed in Luco’s icaros… Soon I felt a further descent occurring… My energy field heightened, relaxed, settled into the rootedness of my mind-less truth, so, so deep into this realm of service, grace and abundance poised to love…

A most incredible entry/embodiment commenced… This was the first time that a force-spirit would approach me without any conscious disclosure as to what it was beforehand, an amazingly curious and awe inspiring surrender to its immense power and cosmic weight, a solidity of purpose and regalness that I’ve never experienced before.

I could sense that this spirit was of a different order than all the others I’ve experienced in the past, yet by no means at bay or higher, i.e., comparable… I feel that in the spirit-realm there are no comparisons… ‘There’ is the endless talent of reconciliation.

As it descended, its identity arose in my consciousness; I felt that nothing could withstand or deter this ‘landing’… Soon I heard a voice telling me, “This is the black falcon.” A brief vision of the statue of the Maltese Falcon flashed into my consciousness: My presence collapsed and released like a dandelion being blown on, floating through this descent as an expansive ascent, though stationary and rooted…

My eyes began to convulse, I felt something slipping in behind them; soon I was my consciousness super-meshed with the falcon’s… A wave of blessedness flooded over me, as I clutched myself, looked deeply into my skin, kissing this blessed body-temple!

The voice continued to instruct me, saying that with this arrival, that I would, “Be able to heal auras and see things that I’ve never seen before (in relation to auras).” This ‘seeing of things’ seemed to have the implication that I’d be able to perceive the spirit-qualities in the daytime, outside of ceremony, etc.

As I sat with this I experienced an aspect of myself as a falcon fledgling, stretching one arm/wing upwards to the CH ceiling, flowing, resonating with the call to stay my inner-ground, my joy and surrender to love-service. Soon another visitor arrived (I believe this was after I experienced myself burning.)

Two emeralds

I felt an enormous warmth-girth in the air, an immense paternal quality that was not human… I lay, relaxed, began adjusting my blanket and reclined position: Suddenly I found myself by what I sensed was both the CH setting and on a shore beside a great body of water…

A voice came to me, introducing itself as a Grizzly Bear: It began placing its huge paws on my shoulders and the backside/forehead. It instructed me to relax, breath deep, to open my heart more and more: I felt this expansion viscerally within… It continued to tell me that I had attracted it to me through a poem that I wrote about serving a field of blind grizzly bears, and that it liked the poem… I smiled and quietly laughed with gratitude and joy…

The bear-spirit said, “Here, take my two emeralds.” It imparted to me two round/cut emeralds (greenish-blue?) and instructed me to use them cautiously and with great reverence.

[Later, after getting them back from having inserted them in a person who I was helping, I found myself involuntarily ‘storing’ them in my right eyebrow…]

The brown grizzly bear was so endless in its aspect of warmth and support! After laying its paw on various places on my body it laid over me, blanketing, radiating downwards and inside me…

Towards the end of its visit it would whisper something to me that further blew vastly upon the single dandelion seeds, turning them into hundreds more! It stated that I was being given what I’ve always desired while pursuing this lifelong path towards the ability to breath exclusively with my soul (my descriptive sense). The actual quote was something to the effect that, “You are receiving what you’ve always wanted as a child.” I embraced this, it embraced me, physically, immersing me in a cosmic field and sensation of selfhood so deep, traversing this incarnation though not going anywhere specifically, keeping the sense of having eternally the fullness of letting go, sinking to be sunk by the gills of Love.

The Great Snowflake

Mid-ceremony note: The descent of the great snowflake upon my head; the immense integration of ‘Dignity of Self,’ in behind all lifetimes… My hands turning into great snowflakes: Performing snow-flake-medicine on the woman in ceremony.

The medicine was relentless! Pulsing throughout my astral and physical throughout the early morning of ceremony till 9 or 10 AM (Lasting in variable degrees for 12 hours.)

A prince to be born

It was somewhere after this (the spirit-bear encounter) that a most amazing message descended upon me concerning a new friend I’ve met here… A deep, most mysterious revelation of a soul connection emerged through the very sober instructions of Ayahuasca… I experienced many events, not altogether knowing their exact sequence: These are the notes ~

I sensed myself surrender to a whole new order of being towards another: At one point Yage opened me, prepping me for a sort of cosmic/spirit pause, a kind of quiet soul-courting…

No expectations, wind flowing through emptied mind, only a trust of spirit-beacon towards her… So, so innocent: Yage showed me the pure intent of this person’s gift of the triple terminated crystal, that it was arriving from the pure young child within her: This revelation and immersion into this ‘impression’ was so intimate and holy! [Additional note: The relating to the gift of the crystal as a presentation of a favorite-something to a best friend as a child.]

I heard this person crying earlier; I then sent a sort of aspectless intent of being in her company, an overall giving out of undistinguished parts and instead becoming the whole of myself as I was in the moment.

There was a point where Yage mentioned details concerning this new connection and the birth of ‘a prince in the medicine.’ Though made it a point to add that it was unclear, to be continued, etc.

Cosmic feminine air

I lay deeply immersed in Yage’s lesson/instructions, holding my field, vibrating with transparent love… There was a field of staying, though not waiting for a reply from her stationed on a mat across the room, simply a present-of-self and an enormous connection to trust-in-the-Universe to graciously immerse either or both of us via the consequences of the passage of Time and circumstance; effortless beauty, effortless acceptance…

As I was closing my eyes, suddenly I felt a wave of incredibly, never before sensed field/etheric pond/lake of energy wash over me, wrapping round me like a luminous, virginal fog cloud… I perceived it as the Cosmic essence of feminine and felt that it was being transmitted either through this person as a medium or directly from her, i.e., their individual conscious intent.

This airy element surrounded me, saturating; I became a ‘sponge’ and found myself laying in a sort of forest setting, or something akin… It flowed, saturated and awed me, both psychically and physically; I believe it’s the first time that I’ve felt something like this, outside the love-making event with Ayahuasca that produced similar sensations though not the same…

This felt that it was coming from a field closer to my being able to produce a corresponding, symbiotic ‘Thank you’… And possibly send back a good and right gift… Not in return, rather, by shear spontaneous truth of conscious reaction to an action…

As this field of energy ceaselessly saturated me, suddenly an aspect burst onto the scene, it was revealed to me what certain ‘small tender details’ were in the cosmic field of expression and investment via the natural world on Earth;
that such things as peach fuzz, the hairs on a fern, the ‘fur’ of an insect, etc., were all expressions of the cosmic-feminine aspect, of an ultra-tenderness and sensitivity, a fragility beyond opposites…

After this field subsided I recall the immense pause, the breathing patience of the present soul in passing time, a sense of trust and welcome, gratefulness, awe, wonder, invention, sensibleness and holy yielding to Rumi’s saying,
“If you come to the garden, it is fine, if you do not come to the garden, it is fine.”

We are both solid gold skeletons.

Towards the end of ceremony there was one young woman who was having a most difficult journey with Grandmother Ayahuasca (This was not the previous friend I spoke of as having the shade in them); this circumstance would unfold into the first long term healing that I’ve spontaneously applied to a fellow journeyman…

Meghan and Luco were applying healing ventiatas for some time; she did not seem to be calming down… After awhile Luco switched to her ‘next-door neighbor’, applying his exhaustless love to another while Meghan continued her incredibly beautiful icaros over her, advising and keeping her company.

As I was sitting on the mat (in the central CH area) experiencing the birth and wing-energies of the Black Falcon medicine, gesturing in a private field of movement, etc. A voice came to me and said that I could help if I was invited; I asked Meghan if I could come over and she lovingly invited me…

Once there I began gently placing my hands on the young woman; the diamond hands flashed off and on, i.e., my hands taking on this modality, while I sent into her deep transferences of Love and Forgiveness, calm and endurance…

There was also a brief session with a square/rectangle area on her mid-back, where I fanned with my hands, both heading in opposite directions, clearing, opening this up to loving-filtering, ascension, etc.

Soon I found myself pressing my forehead to the back of her head, moving deeply into soul-comradeship and union of being children in the medicine… I sent the message that, “We are both solid gold skeletons.”

I experienced a flash-vision of our two gold skeletons embracing one another in the eye of this body-hurricane: She could not vomit the purge-union out, though wanted to desperately.

Eventually she’d purge internally as I stroked her hair (manifesting in the headdress of the Goddess of Love and nearly always (seemingly) in the aspect of the Black Falcon medicine.)

There was a point where I implanted the Grizzly Bear’s two emeralds in her, while hearing the bear reply that they’d be returned to me “cleaned.” With many of my healing applications (nearly all) I could not interact with their results, other than the confirmations coming from her that she was calming down, able to ride it out, etc.

The inner-purge was voiced through her as a collective frustration with her body… [The magic of her sayings!] as I was stroking her hair, helping facilitate the washing away of these streams of frustration; she’d reply that she could feel it washing away, that “I (she) am/was the vine” and “That I am not this body, but my spirit, eternal and me.” (To this effect.)

While manifesting as the Black Falcon my right hand involuntarily went to the backside of her upper-neck vertebrae, scanning, pressing gently; suddenly the tips of my fingers formed a sort of bird’s beak shape/gesture and went into her neck ‘etherically.’

The beak snatched/latched onto what I sensed as an orb of sorts… Slowly and with great holy-confidence it pulled this out from her neck and made its way to my right, tossing it away from its grasp into the Pathway to Love… I could feel hot sparks leaping from my finger tips as the semi-metallic-sensed-orb left.

I would go to her twice on this night: In between the ceasing of the first visit and her call for a “human connection” (that begin the second visit), I sat on the mat (about ten feet away from her) sending Falcon medicine and applying the Snowflake medicine by setting up a quiet oasis of a comforting winter day, snow slowly falling, warm inside, etc., around her/over.

Wing gestures, playing with an etheric string, making it into a smiley face gesture, some misc. sphere-work and what I sensed was a brief visit to the Ashetic Records, though I do not recall any specific information gotten there (?)

Laying down on my side with her, pressing Love and Forgiveness into her hand, her reaching for mine: Expressing this newfound dignity through the Falcon embodiment… Getting the emeralds back after the first visit… Her (Yage singing through, with her) singing/humming to an icaros that Luco was singing earlier, though hers may have been different, so subtle and quiet…

Additional note: Kissing the top of my right hand as the young woman’s was sandwiched in between my left and right: The prayer-hand may be a shamanic ‘clamp’, a kind of ‘original tool’ (?) Not moving below the mid-back territory on her so far as energy/spirit work…

I briefly witnessed her (the young woman) as a large, flat Shipibo-ish mass… I looked away, intuitively understanding that this was not my ‘connection’ to make…

Notes

Seeing the others made up of Shipibo designs: My design and Taylor’s meeting as I passed her a lighter.

During ceremony: Wearing a little woven sachet around my neck containing the gift of a triple terminated quartz crystal from Tobie.

Effecting the Ipod electronically by my touch early in the morning.

A good amount of elimination/purging through going to the bathroom: Yage told me, in one of these three instances, that the medicine was purging “daily residue.”

Yage said that I had, “…done well tonight.”

Yage told me several times that she was proud of me, that I was doing well and was her son.

Yage reminding me that she (Ayahuasca) is my first love: Also commenting her understanding of ‘normal attraction’, i.e., sexual expressions between humans, etc.

The subject of discretion; practicing permission and dignity of conscientious, love-leisure in the storm of God’s graces…

To receive all with inner-smiling and joy.

Being with Tobie
Being with Paul and Taylor

The covering up of the little girl Lola with a blanket while she slept… Earlier, welcoming her to the zone as she stood beside me looking out, emanating as a newly landed eternal birth-priestess! Absolutely a gift!

Many in the CH this night (10) would take full, to the rim, cups of the medicine since Luco instructed that although a second dose would be available, that it was best that those who felt they’d need more than a half cup, drink more initially, this evolved into an incredibly powerful evening, where only one person asked for more… All were satiated and deep in the lotus marshland of the Great Mother Ayahuasca.

A very special note: Tonight Lola, a seven year old girl would drink the medicine with us, while her father sat reeling with the passion of the purge… It was so blessed and awesome to hear a little child’s voice within the zone: At one point we laughed lovingly when she said, “I feel like stretching and throwing up at the same time.” She also laughed and sat through most of her experience positively next to Luco, i.e., between him and Meghan.

Order of totem introduction/embodiment: Eagle, *serpent, falcon, bear… *The serpent may have been first.

Leaving the CH (after the healing) to take a shower and returning to be with my friend and others; talking till dawn and being the first to go to the river… The hug from the woman’s husband (the woman I assisted in ceremony) on our way back from the river.

Mid-ceremony note: I looked over to my left and felt something stuck between the end of my wrist and the beginning of my thumb… I isolated this and began clearing it, pulling out what I sensed as etheric-spines or some sort of rigid threads (?) Soon my arm stretched out and began mildly shaking; Yage told me that this was the final healing and letting go of the “thousand year wound.” (This ‘wound’ originally showed up in the region of my left side.)

The headdress of the Goddess of Love manifested once or twice this night; mainly with the later healing of the young woman Meghan was already attending to…

Watching the group signing to one another: The awe and wonder at this… The companionship of privacy(ies) hailed and honored.

The commitment (long term) to the medicine: Yage saying that this is where I belong.

Always ask permission; the immense holy density of the Black Falcon!

The water Water flows through!

Ceremony 25

2009-11-14T18:17:00.000-08:00

November 3, 2009

The soap that washes soap.

This was the first ceremony of its kind for me: After drinking a half cup tonight (Luco recommended that this dose-amount was ‘best for me’.) I sat back and waited; during these five ceremonies the apprentices were seated up front with Luco and Meghan, i.e., Tom (visiting for this five ceremony session), Taylor, Jeff, Paul and myself.

Soon I felt the Sanango enter into my muscles and nervous system… While waiting I was experiencing the group in various stages of their purges (Since there was nearly twenty people in the CH, many were already well into their purges before myself and the others drank.)

Somewhat like before the medicine took awhile to open ‘the door’. Within 20-30 minutes I was getting the message to lay down on the mat (one of two stationed behind our row of rocking chairs) so that Yage and Sanango could do their work…

Once laying down, it took little time until I found my consciousness submerged very deep electronically, far down into my being-astral realm (innerly): This inner dimension had a cosmic atmosphere, as though my ‘inside’ was also the endless ‘outside’, Space, etc.

Notes: That friendship is the highest art form; that much of art is a placebo concerning the desire for good, unconditional real friends.

My step-brother Chris; this issue or psychic connection showed up early on: I committed to Yage and him to be a better brother, i.e., to find out from him how we can build a greater relationship.

Sending healing love-spheres out to my Mother, Father, Step-Mother and Brother; feeling somewhat reminded to thank Sanango too…

{Pre-notes: Following along with Luco’s icaros… Using the mica stone again… Further healing of my sex chakra, the left side’s ‘thousand year wound’ and more acupressure on my chest… The full moon headache and putting the mica stone on my head to assist in drawing it out.

In the depths I received a message concerning the story a newcomer shared with me: Yage began an incredible instruction connected to this person… Humming along with Luco and Meghan, clearing out gray ‘daily energies.’ A brief healing session towards my friend in CA while in bed after ceremony. Going to the river at 2:30 AM, (Paul, myself and Tobie). Seeing the largest ring around the moon that I’ve ever witnessed.}

Beginning

The immersion into the astral realm was very brief considering previous ceremonies (tonight’s was 40-60 minutes), though the depth and result of this level being reached was so significant that I feel very different about time-lines today, i.e., the definition of time or that quantity of minutes equates with quality and depth of the lessons given/learnt.

As I lay on the mat my vision of the external world became highly detailed so far as Shipibo designs and others, yet too, this was different, the designs this time were somehow indigenous to the depth-realm I found myself in and the context to the information Yage was imparting to me concerning a person in ceremony who had shared a very personal story with me earlier concerning a friend of theirs that they had healed…

Spirit-virus

Yage opened my intuition up to a message that this person (and implied that I needed to give this message to them alongside/prior to the healing I was to possibly perform) should not spread this story, that it was infectious or somewhat viral-to-the-soul. At one point I experienced purging the story’s effects on me while going to the bathroom and received a further intuition on how to be more clever in being able to cease the unfolding of such dark-transferences before they get too far unhinged from the speaker, i.e., to better foresee its arrival…

I symbolized tonight’s immersion as ‘diving for pearls.’ Once there Yage began to share with me that this person’s sharing of the story was an ‘effect’ or result of there being some-thing in them, i.e., transferred over by the person who ‘got it off their chest’ towards this listener/practitioner.

Yage continued to say that there was something to be removed from this person… Right now the sequence of events is vague, though I sense that the empowering occurred simultaneous to Yage’s instruction concerning this person’s condition.

Gloves of love

While laying down on the mat, I held my hands up to my vision and began to see them deepen into a background-less depth containing symbols, diagrams, etc. Many were ‘styles’ that I’ve never witnessed before.

On my hands appeared symbols of the alchemical discipline, crescent moons, stars, spirals, etc. Also there was a sort of language/hieroglyphs superimposed over them that reminded me of the Seals of Solomon, the scripts depicting the names of Angels, etc. Looking deeper into my hands it was as if they were also peering into me, alive with a blossoming purpose that I could not yet entirely conceive of…

Yage began, as these designs continued to surface and reintegrate into obscurity, to say that I was being given the gift/ability to remove lesser demons/shades (‘shades’ was not a word she used) from people, reminding/instructing me to be very careful with this new ability, etc. The oncoming surfacing of gratitude and awe for this gift was heart-wrenching (in an ecstatic way).

As I peered into my hands I saw in between them (as they were involuntarily taking on a sort of prayer-hand ‘posture’, though each being a cupped/concave shape) a black space filled with stars, other diagrams and symbols that I’ve no words for: It felt as though my hands were being outfitted, woven into by some other dimension’s teaching, attributes, etc.

It wasn’t that a particular entity (or even Yage) was transferring this over, instead, it felt as if the ability to exorcise these forces was similar to gaining the knowledge in a kind of medical school, though the knowledge was not intellectual, it came in the form of pure effect, pure ability and potential, though not an open-ended one where some ‘personal interpretation’ or ‘style’ could develop.

Yage instructed that she’d show me what to do and that people would come to me (not I to them). I recall being told that I was to remove this ‘shade’ from the person and send it “not to hell, but into love.” The immensity of divine-ness that was pouring out of my hands was overwhelming to some degree, i.e., in the context to wonder, surprise, gratefulness and wisdom!

My hands, for a brief period of time, also began communicating to one another somewhat outside my consciousness to ‘know/be involved’…

It was an incredible witnessing to watch as this ‘sheathing of another realm of craft’ took place on my hands… A deep, unfathomable, quiet, majestic-ness blossomed, disappearing/integrating into the holiness of a sort of ‘birth from my hands’.

Lifting

Soon, while in the stages of after-ceremony (though I was still partly in the astral zone) I told the person what Yage said to me about not spreading the story they’d confided in me to others and that I sensed it was an indication that some-thing was speaking out, trying to tell/express its story through the shock aspect of the event’s details, etc.

Later into the conversation we agreed to go into the Main House to perform the healing: Afterwards they told me that they’d not realized how heavy their left side was until the ‘lifting’ was finished…

Notes: touching the upper tip of the pelvis and pulse at the wrist simultaneously: Transference of energy and aspects of love, attention, empathy, humility, benevolence, etc., slowly poured into the ‘body.’

The drawing-out-gestures, amazingly intuitive and no thought; feeling the subtle presence of Yage and possibly another (?)

The ultra-slow carrying out and moving ‘it’ towards the path/portal of Love-destination… No visuals, no communication from the shade, while only one word entered my consciousness as I felt it drift out, ‘sadness.’ (Its ‘house’ was on the left side of the body.)

The left hand and near the solar plexus… Yage telling me that the healing is to be done after ceremony, i.e., when those leading it are completely finished, etc. That it did not have to be performed ‘in the zone’ and would work at any time. There was also an implication that it was left to my own discretion and theirs, etc. Sensing the cosmic-essence of carefulness and subtle-ebbing of mindless presence saturating this procedure…

Taking a shower afterward and soon going back to the CH; leaving the person to spend quiet/personal time, no conversation after the procedure…

A vague recollection, that the manifestation of the Headdress of Love unfolded/birthed during this healing session…

Ceremony 24

2009-11-14T18:11:00.000-08:00

November 2, 2009

Working where you cannot see.

It is said that the first day of a five ceremony session phase is often ‘light’… (7 day total: Two ceremonies, one day off, two more, another day break and ending with the fifth ceremony on a Sunday evening). Last night qualified as the second lightest night, although curiously enough, it is the first ceremony where I experienced the outcome of the medicine at the latest point in ceremony (nearly 1.5 hours into the evening). The Sanango was the most powerful aspect of the door opening… This was the first of five ceremonies that I’ll have with a group of deaf people (Twelve are deaf/partially deaf, while there are three hearing-translators and one regular visitor). An incredible group!

Starting with a healthy quarter cup, soon I felt that this may be another second-dose evening; though something told me to wait… Also Luco hadn’t asked me if I wished more and I took this as his possible intuition into my evening… When the Yage-door did eventually open, this lasted for nearly an hour…

Note: Nearly everyone on the group took second doses…

Very few Shipibo-design overlays; those I did experience were as vast and all encompassing as usual, yet the images themselves were very compact…

While I was wondering about the effectiveness of this ceremony, a voice came to me and said that these five ceremonies would be different than the others, that they’d be preparatory and that, “I (Yage) will be doing work you cannot see.”

At one place towards the end of the ceremony I was curious about our scheduled journey into Space that Ayahuasca had spoken about in C.23: Suddenly a very deep/trance-like state came over me and while in this half here/half some-place else (I could not discern), a voice said, “You are already Space.” Vaguely I recall some fragment of another dimension’s landscape (airspace). I was told that my sex was my sun, to keep this ‘part’ of me, above all else,
safe and holy/sacred.

During this time I could feel Sanango deepening; I experienced my feet feeling very heavy and my entire body seemingly breathed in and out via a different route than that of the lungs… For the first time Sanango entered my heart, (I had to lay down for awhile)… It worked there for about 20-30 minutes; today at breakfast I felt the medicine still working… Also last night there was activity in my third eye area. No specific visions excepting the sensation of a long, rectangular container associated with a brief/spontaneous healing I did for my friend in CA. Eventually I pushed through this ‘box’, though did not find out what was inside… At first it ‘felt’ like it could be a coffin, though this did not develop into a conviction, nor did it ‘speak’ or ‘show’ either way (?)

Yage told me tonight that the vehicle for my child would come to me through the medicine, also that my child would be “a prince” or “prince in the medicine”, to be ready and to take great care…

Another message was that when I drink ‘her’ she drinks me; there was a small hint that when I purge, she (Yage) purges as well, though this later ‘sense’ I felt may have been associative/symbolic link-thinking on my part…

Note: My sending of heart-love to my Mother and Father, Laura and her son, Anne, Anna, etc. I wore an amethyst and sodalite necklace (a gift from my friend in CA) for the first time tonight… Giving Jeff the rose quartz crystal to borrow during ceremony.

The medicine was definitely ‘working’ in my large and small intestines and saturating throughout, simply, very little ‘electricity’ making it to my eyes, i.e., much more earthy, semi-hidden, etc. (Experiencing big sighs at the heights of Sanango.)

Mid-ceremony; I felt that there was a sort of tension in the air (for me), i.e., my mind connecting with the abundant amount of ‘housekeeping’ going on (people lighting lighters,
exchanging things, speaking to one another, moving around, asking questions, (15+ people being helped by the assistants, etc.) There were allot of different scenarios with so many people that my heart and mind latched onto this in a sort of motherly way; also that the simultaneous icaros being sung by two people felt at odds within me, as if they were competing for space.

Soon this perception would transform into a beautiful revelation that I had never experienced a woman (Meghan) in her own element supporting a man (Luco) in his, both working together naturally, without thought, through a ‘vehicle’ of some kind in a royal symbolic relationship…

Now that I write this, I sense that this ‘relation’ is only ‘a way’, a kind of momentary expression of ‘flower’, though not flower, both found and profound, ephemeral and transcendent!

Note: I received a lesson in ‘Family-patience’ during this busy-stage of people’s preparations for ceremony and attempts to settle into their ‘right’ amount of medicine.

Paul and I went to the river at 1AM; again, I went solo later in the morning for the final cleanse… Paul’s drinking of a second dose and throwing it out immediately (My first-witnessing of such a phenomenon in ceremony).

It was certainly a different sort of ceremony where the medicine was orchestrating doses in a finite way, although they were not necessarily as comparable in effect to other ceremony-night’s wide variety of visions, journeys and general dialog within the electronic realms…

Note: A beautiful icaros by Meghan! Her healing ventiatas for one of the deaf-people…

The psychically-tactile quietness of the zone settled upon us very late into the evening, mainly due to the second dose needs of the group mid-way through the ceremony, which rolled it back to our having two ceremony beginnings in one night (another first), beautiful!

Notes: Grasping the new necklace and sending out gratefulness and thanks to my friend…

Feeling that I had a full-moon headache, and that the medicine was working under a sort of sheath via this energy.

The working with the mica-sediment stone during ceremony via my lower body areas; Aya telling me to keep it tucked in my sweat pant-elastic band; I also placed it on my small intestines. I experienced the stone briefly speaking to me, concerning keeping it near, etc.

Yage telling me to, “Be careful at the river.” [Eventually finding that the river was very low and its wading-edge/shore-stone drop off was unusually close to my entry point.]

The meeting with a toad on the path while going back to the Main House from the river and something flying over Paul and I. Feeling ‘clean’, reconciled, holy, quiet, new… Original ‘I’ with no reminder-memory from Mind.

Ceremony 23

2009-10-31T18:45:00.000-07:00

October 25, 2009

You are the most precious possession you have.

Tonight’s ceremony started off different than any other time that I can recall… After drinking my ‘dose’ I lay back in the rocker and drifted in Luco’s icaros, letting it ‘hold me’ and allow space for meandering too… The evening was very still; it was the last ceremony for three other attending tonight.

I deliberately kept the entryway into tonight’s journey ‘simple’, wishing Aya (Ayahuasca) to bring those lessons and revelations it wished.

Opening my eyes I could feel a slight breeze and distinctly heard the sound of wings flapping in front of me; it was dark, a slight light in the sky could be seen from the C.H. though none of it filtered in… Later Aya would tell me that the winged sounds were her.

Much of this ceremony involved my being-state of consciousness merging with the icaros; also learning/practicing more and more how to apply humility and gratefulness to my present perceptions, no matter the dimension it’s ‘in’.

The external visions were minimal due to the blackness of night, too, the electric realm had not manifested itself as intense as other nights…

Poems

Tonight I purged ‘Selfishness,’ and Aya told me that she would (this night) return me to writing poetry, to always keep her in mind/heart while writing: That the poems did not have to be about her, only that I honor her relationship with me.

She told me tonight that there were no longer any “big dangers” in me and recapped points concerning being her son, protected by her being in me and that she wanted me back here in Peru “as quick as possible.” Following this were details alluding to the fact that things would unfold and work their way out once I am back in CA. I briefly asked about my new friend and she replied that I was doing well with the friendship, i.e., she gave me an affirmative sense concerning this… She also outlined various ‘appropriate’ guidelines to follow.

Bee-medicine

Towards the middle of the ceremony Aya called upon me to send “honey” from my heart to one of the attendees who was having a difficult night; while in a state-of-being that I sensed was connected to the Bee-medicine, I made narrow squeezing gestures with a prayer-hand posture placed in front of my heart and directed the ‘flow’ towards her… Several times I experienced dark thoughts/energies; Aya told me that these were those of the person purging.

Allot of sweating towards the end of the ceremony and deep yawns… [Again, no dry heaves; she told me tonight that I was “clean” and that I’d have no more dry heaves.]

Throughout the night I sent Love and Acceptance towards my parents, friends and those who have hurt me, forgiving them.

Note: On purging ‘Selfishness’ I experienced a state of consciousness where I was taken back (or deeper presently arrived) to a state of utter awe and precious dedication to myself, this existence, body and mind: I was told by a voice that, “You are your most precious possession.” It was here that I sensed the renunciation of external objects/possessions as affirmations/projections of me, i.e., types of needs, etc. Then followed the deep, lengthy yawn-purge of Selfishness.

Near the middle of this evening Yage thanked me and quietly commended me on being ‘careful’ with her temple, etc. She continued and said, “You are my most precious heart possession.” and that she had “billions of billions of hearts.”

Heart thrones

I experienced, alongside returning to this extraordinary state of selfhood/sensing my clear-conscience-self as my most prized possession, that Aya was courting me: Soon she would say, “Let’s make love inside your heart.”

As I was already laying down on my right side, a strange phenomenon then occurred, my head and neck started to convulse and shake deeply in a muscular way that I’ve never experienced in my life. As this was occurring a state of utter beholding and awe flooded over me; her voice told me that this would finish and complete the protection of my crown chakra; there may have been something concerning the finishing of some kind of armor as well (?)

Aya added after the heart-love-making that I was both “son and lover.” For a brief flash I understood this in the context revealed, i.e., that she (Yage) belonged to a sort of uncategorized-able feminine, omni-feminine, an All roles at once-Being.

One thousand years

At some point in the ceremony (after the heart-love) my left side was hurting: my hand involuntarily went there and began massaging it deeply, delicately; once again she told me that I’d heal people with my hands with her help and that I was born a healer (something to this effect).

She also told me that I should never massage anyone voluntarily, that I had absorbed allot of negative energies of others by voluntarily touching/massaging them…

She continued to say that the mild pain at my left side was now a psychic wound from a battle injury a thousand years ago… She concluded by saying that in the next ceremony we’d travel in Space, that she would teach me more, show me gifts (?) and finalize the healing of this wound.

Note: I briefly experienced 3-4 times the headdress manifestation of/on me, i.e., the headdress of the Goddess of Love.

This night Luco did a healing ventiata over me; as this was happening Aya told me to give/express my gratitude to him… As she said this I bowed my head as low as it could go and entered a deep state of emptying myself of all mind, all contrast, all expectation and commentary, expressing quiet, a most inner, inner humility and gratitude, that mind could not go here with me.

As he began to do this ventiata Aya told me that he would be clearing the rest of a mind-residue via the love-making that triggered a type of mind-purge; this purge continued well into the afternoon of the following day, and finally seemed to end once I went down to the river for the third time that day: Paul and I first went there around 1AM…
Additionally, there was a message that he was clearing away “ghosts from my past.”

Note: Paul’s ceremony vision of me sitting down on the ground in a market surrounded by Peruvian women; he said that I was “drunk with ecstasy and had a very big smile.” I also had a beautiful dream of holding my father and coming home inside his heart-field.

Bee

I sent heart-honey several times to the attendee this night; while this took place Aya was subtly teaching me about when and when not to ‘get closer’, ‘involve’ deeper and to not engage the person’s energy field-open-purge, i.e., to allow her to work solely at this/that stage, etc.

Again, I was reminded to be very careful, that all my actions were alive, to be cautious with choice and patient with evil/darkness.

Towards the beginning of the ceremony I felt that the bee-medicine was some how ‘open’, various vague gestures, sensations and partial visions hinted at it, though it seemed to stay at my peripheral (?) Later my hands would involuntarily draw antennae at either side of my head and I would enter a deep, inexplicable trance state that I simply cannot describe with words…

I sense that this was some sort of entry or standing at the doorway of some ‘connection’ (?)

During this hive mind trance a spot in the middle of my chest started aching; I massaged this with a sort of acupressure and it seemed to unlock a deeper state of trance connection; the ‘connection’ did seem shared by ‘so much’ that ‘sense of one’ made no play within ‘me.’ I was it and ‘it’ was indistinct, blank, awesome…

Note: Allot of hand and arm gestures throughout the night as Luco sang the icaros and I hummed, silently whistled and pronounced along with him… Beautiful! (Similar ones to those I have occur with the Indian music.)

There was a point where I envisioned ‘clear skulls’ or at least the sensing of the subject matter of them in my consciousness… And a connection with fellow Paul: Deeper consideration for him inside unconditional friendship of soul evolution and taking Ayahuasca… To (for all those I experience) let go of knit-picky nesses, small details, expectation and comparing.

Mind is your original friend.

Note: The clearing out of my mind: the thoughts coming to me that ‘Mind is your original friend. It is not mind, it is its diapers needing to be changed.’

Shamanic moderation… Aya told me that I was suffering for my father and my family generations too; that he (my father) was growing too through these ceremonies…

The time spent at the dining table in the Main House after ceremony: my eyes were very sensitive and the body very weak in the morning/early afternoon via the effects of Sanango… Deep contemplation of Contemplation while at the table.

Suns

Aya told me that she’d “provide a vehicle” for the birth of my son… It was on this night that I sensed that I was ready to have a child in my life, yet I cannot see this unfolding presently (?) A deep mystery is building…

As I was thinking about sending healing towards my mother and father, Aya told me to relax, that tonight the healing was for me; deep gratitude! Embracing of myself and extraordinary blissful-joy! At one point towards the end of the ceremony I experienced what seemed like the beginnings of the formation of my own icaros, though made totally of sounds, no phrases/words.

While Paul was receiving his ventiata from Luco, my right hand was following/imitating the shaking rhythm of the leaf fan and going over my chest and chakra areas.

There were several sessions tonight where I lay making hand and arm gestures, pulling energies/bridging the sex chakra with the crown chakra, clearing, sending out positive/healing energies, hearts, etc. A first; to be prompted to send healing from the bathroom…

Aya saying at the beginning, middle and end of ceremony,
“I am not Ayahuasca, I am Ayahuasca; love them both.”

Aya told me that, “This is your last incarnation, you will not have to do this again.” (?)

Ayahuasca also recapped the ‘caffeine question’ (although I did not ask it on this night) by gently saying, “I am the only caffeine you need.”

Ceremony 22

2009-10-31T14:36:00.000-07:00

October 23, 2009

Going into this ceremony I did not have any specific healing-wishes in mind (as instructed by Yage in the last ceremony). I was wondering briefly about Corn-medicine, what it would be, etc. Once again, the effects of this brew came on quickly: I found myself having to lay down, while completely immersed in Luco’s icaros…

Much of this ceremony (2 ½ hours and several hours with others at the Main House) would be spent ‘building’ the aspects of Love and Forgiveness outside myself, investing it into the atmosphere…

Allot of heat (body) from the Sanango, while Yage told me that there would be no purging (referring to dry heaving) tonight, though some was expressed through yawning, sweating allot and the usual bathroom trips… (It was on this night that I sensed for the first time that the Medicine gave me a subtle warning or caution about too much salt and to be moderate with it: The fish for breakfast was too salty; so this is where I finally traced it.)

Note: There was possibly a second comment by Yage towards the end of the ceremony that they’d be no more dry heave purges…

It was one of the most interactive ceremony nights that I’ve had so far, as fulfilling Luco’s request that we try humming or singing quietly along with him so to move closer to the power of the icaros. I recall telling him that, “You’re in my blood.”

Tonight I purged ‘Seriousness.’

There were a few points in the ceremony where I knew that the Yage and Sanango were purging mind-ash, i.e., small flakes of doubt, personal qualifying of others, ungratefulness, etc.

It was an incredible event, to be the pure conscious witness to the Space of Mind being purified slowly by the dissolving of ‘debris’! At one place I simply let it all go while Yage ‘operated’… I felt as though my mind was being ‘breathed into.’

There was a moment where the ‘little boy’ within me said that he was happy for me/with me, proud, etc. This was an extraordinary feeling of objective confirmation: On a similar note, Yage would tell me that my appreciation/care for my mother and father was genuine, for me to show this through actions… I felt the implication was that not only are words cheap, thoughts are as well… Several recaps concerning the ‘tricky mind’ warning (and more examples of it.)

Love

This was somewhere between mid-ceremony and late that I was very deep into the Medicine-zone, when Yage took me to a place (?) I do not know where this was… There she began to reveal to me that I would experience/be the Apex of Love; vaguely I could make out rainbow patterned, crystal pyramids in a semi-dark landscape, very hazy though.

I recall an emotional opening, deep breaths, though no specific theme or vision associated with the experiencing of the apex… The spirit-state dove deeper and suddenly something other than Yage was near me: A voice told me that I would be outfitted with the headdress of the Goddess of Love…

My hands involuntarily locked onto the front and back of my skull and began quivering as if it (the headdress) were being grafted/welded into place, never to be taken off… My neck and shoulders relaxed, I dropped my head over the edge of my pillow/mat and surrendered to this incredibly profound experience of cosmic pause and awe…

I experienced myself as Love at the top of an all seeing position in black Space, observing the suffering of a single soul, i.e., the young woman stationed near to me in the ceremony room…

The voice told me that I now had a different level of free choice, to be careful because, “Everything you do is alive.”

There was a sense that every action from that point onwards would have a kind of eternal consequence for me… The Goddess of Love told me that this was a gift and not a project.

Yage added that this role comes with many “expensive perks.” I laughed at this paradox, while throughout the whole ceremony I danced with my hands and arms to Luco’s icaros.

Velvet heart-wings

As I lay there I thanked God, Yage and my parents; I did this always throughout this ceremony and while confronted by opposing darknesses… Also I was sending non-stop heart energies to my mother and father; they were my anchors in this often tempestuous tidal… (I was also previously told that I was a ‘servant of God,’ a kind of reaffirming [in a different context] from a ceremony long ago where it first introduced itself.)

Still laying down, I was wondering what the headdress looked like, since when it went on I did not see it… Several moments later, again, my hands involuntarily went behind my head and with fingers spread apart, my hands began to shake and vibrate; as this occurred, it was similar to a peacock opening its feathers, suddenly there appeared in my consciousness a huge concave-like shape with hearts filling it out, heart shapes made of living butterflies, there were thousands of these.

I do not recall seeing a distinct boarder though vaguely felt it was there… [I was manifesting with this headdress present to my inner eye-consciousness when I was drying Taylor’s head with a towel during one of her most difficult nights with the Medicine to date, while with another attending her in the main House.]

I received a communication in the ceremony; it is vague as to where it came from… It was in relation to a fellow journeyman who has not had any visions for 15-20 ceremonies: the voice stated that if they’d cease cussing, i.e., creating a more subtle, gentler ‘vision’ of themselves, that they’d get them…

All father

I lay on the mat for most of the ceremony… I experienced Luco as ‘All Father.’ For a time (while a headlamp was switched on) I saw what looked like electronic-Shipibo design-vines twirling out of his head, disappearing into the darkness; I witnessed the Eternal aspect of ‘Father’, dedicated, strong, consciously strict and with direction, etc. It was an incredible vision of this archetypal being invested in near human form! To be immersed in another’s magic of being eternally what they are!

There was an incredible sense and message given to me concerning my building of myself, that ‘everything counts.’ Throughout the night I battled Sanango fatigue to churn deep into my heart and send out hearts and the will to Love and Forgive…

Towards the end of ceremony I had a brief contact with beings made entirely of jewels: A deeply profound meeting, a cosmic inhale and exhale, a pause, anticipation, consideration, reverence, innocence and a vague/slight sense of a ‘To be continued.’

There was a moment where Yage told me that care giving may be better for me than construction; this was left open-ended…

Corn medicine

It was mid ceremony when the lesson of Corn-medicine arrived: As I was laying down, a voice came to me and said that (or asked me/I do not recall the exact wording) the Earth would be receiving the spirit/energy of my seed for healing… It concluded that, “It might feel strange.” I did not feel anything distinctly odd/physical, though could vaguely discern a slight vertical energy being transferred downward from the pelvic area, though this was so subtle that I cannot vouch 100% for this process via its first time; I will try and ‘do’ this myself, applying it in another ceremony…

Afterward I thanked the Earth for my existence and body that is from hers, and touched the concrete that I sensed was her cool skin… I believe ‘she’ spoke saying, “Help heal me.” Something to this effect…

God-seed

After the headdress experience, as I lay experiencing a sort of vague pulsating down into what doesn’t have a bottom, through the beautiful blankets of mind, a voice and image appeared; it said something like, “Be very careful with your life, you now have a god-seed within you.

Suddenly there appeared a huge eye (many miles across) and on it was growing a million millions* of cities. *This phrase was actually from the vision experience, i.e., there was a sort of narrator occurring as my viewing consciousness was experiencing this, telling me the details of this illustration/vision: It added that the Earth is an ‘Eye’ and it may have mentioned something about God’s eye. (?)

Towards the end of the night, while laying in bed, I experienced a brief connection with my new friend; a sort of aura-outline seemed to be in the air near me… I sent energies towards her, moving energies, unraveling, etc.

Briefly I experienced the feminine winged one (i.e., Wings with eyes) while listening to Luco’s icaros in ceremony. Also while humming and pronouncing along with him I could feel how the icaros lives/lived inside me, how my breathing became automatically modulated to the tonalities of the icaros, how something else seemed to be breathing them out through me, breathing through them as if I were a flute of the Plant Spirits and these icaros were being taught, though held not in mind-memory, rather in another dimension of my specific relationship with the Yage-work…

Sending out fields of flowers and hearts.

Soul cape. Misc. Notes

As Paul left the Ceremony House I looked over and saw him depicted as an electronic sheet of Shipibo designs: As his voice spoke out saying, “goodnight” I had the incredible, emotional-tactile sense of his eternity, of his forever-existence; incredible, that in this ‘sheet of music’ was his voice, (coming from a central nucleus) its playing!

Later in the night, while resting in the hammock I experienced incredible hand gestures/languages being born from me, alongside a deep love-trance I was having; allot of tiredness, though a semi-heavy constant presence of focused/alert love… Note: Looking into/at my right hand; briefly experiencing it looking similar to a frog’s hand or some sort of aquatic creature, alien-like.

A brief connection (when looking at a plastic cap and placing it on various fingers) with my Great Grandmother while I was sitting at the dining table with a cup of tea and recalling the thimble she used to use in sowing.

The thanking of Luco and the silence, the sense of a father’s discipline looking over us. The incredible lesson concerning staying with the ceremony, how the Icaros are being grafted onto me, seemingly forever altering my destiny and soul-constitution (Note: out of all the ceremonies so far, it’s only been one where I’ve left early due to a very strict order from Yage to get in the shower; for some reason she was building this lesson…)

Not to look for Evil.

Towards the end of the ceremony, while still laying on my mat, I experienced a part of my consciousness leave and go outside to the front of the Main House to perform a dance as one of the Wrathful Deities of Tibetan Buddhism (The same manifestation as that of Ceremony 20.)

Sending numerous heart shapes out into the atmosphere of dark energies…

Tiny skulls changing to flowers/jewels…

Note: In one ceremony I called upon all those totems that have come into my experience (excepting the crow); I remember them gathering in one inner vision-space, though it was very quiet, nothing was initiated…

Last night (this ceremony) I experienced a total falling back in love with myself, a deep reentry into my interior occupation of this body, saturating it with the fullness of my being-with-time and inside time. An incredible event; smelling my skin, seeing, as if for the first time, my arms, wrists, hands and kissing them: the soul laying with the body…

Note: While in ceremony, feeling animal-like as I lay listening to Luco’s icaros (totally relaxed).

Towards the end of the ceremony (after the Goddess of Love event) I connected to the suffering of a person participating… A thought came to me about being glad that it wasn‘t me, that I was over the big purges; immediately I felt an enormous humility wave over me, a voice/sensation told me that it could happen to me at any time in regular life, revealing to me an awesome view into my actual level of true-vulnerability as a soul in a fleshy body exposed to this external world.

Afterward, I felt that I purged ‘Pride’ tonight; this deepened my state of love-possession, making it more urgent and preciously now, so careful, delicate, ominous and all.

Ceremony 21

2009-10-30T16:03:00.000-07:00

October 22, 2009

“Do not think… Listen to what others are saying
as if it’s a song; reply with your song.”

I dedicated this ceremony to my mother, wishing to facilitate healing her in whatever way the Medicine would allow… (Beginning this ceremony with another 1/3 cup dose.) Ayahuasca told me tonight, in the Ceremony House, that I’d be learning some Tortoise-medicine this evening.

The purge began by Yage telling me that this would heal my mother’s sexuality. The purges were deep and medium, so far as number and duration… Mild yawning-purges and allot of follow-over material from the last ceremony.

I felt the Sanango set in quick: Hotness for the most part, though rather cold in the beginning stages of the night. Soon after the purges, very early on into the ceremony, Yage told me to go take a shower. I do not recall any visions in the C.H., though do remember that the Shipibo designs came on quick as I went to the bathroom in the C.H. Allot of purging through the intestinal/bowels (more than any other ceremony so far).

I left the C.H. and proceeded to take a shower in the Main House; once again I experienced the extraordinary joy of being Yage’s son. She seemed quick to get me under the cold water, though I was already cold with the Sanango working; then she quickly ushered me to get dressed and warm. I caught a chill coming out of the shower and experienced my body/mind panic a little, she reassured me that I’d be fine, that I was in her hands.

Shaking I got dressed, though too, throughout the night I’d change my shirt 2-3 times (Allot of sweating along with very intense Sanango sensations, nearly too much at times, where I was forced (somewhat) to surrender, breath deep and present my consciousness to the process. Several times Yage took me back from dancing or waiting to go into the Dining Room, to have me lay down in bed, so to “Let Sanango do its work.”

While laying in bed, there was immense love being given to me from Ayahuasca and further commitment questions from her: She asked me if I was willing to do without sex for awhile, dedicate myself totally to her, etc., I said, “Yes” emphatically… Previously, at the beginning of the ceremony I asked Yage to help me deepen my capacity to Love and Forgive; this worked itself out through two channels of struggle, one was pushing through (with dance and sending more and more love-intent to my mother) the fatigue of Sanango’s actions on my body, while the other was pretty intense, where the power of ‘Doubt’ visited and there began an incredible struggle between my Loving and Forgiving soul nature-state and Doubtful mind…

Note: I kept a cup of water by my bed that I’d wet my mouth with and was later allowed by Yage to drink small sips. Saying to myself several times throughout the night, “I am fine” helped allot to settle me into my own arms.

Mining mind

My mother’s spirit-form came to me while I was laying down and I was summoned to heal ‘her’ while still under the mosquito netting (in bed) [This was also while I was in the mode of turtle-medicine.]

Moving my hands (I was also listening to Ravi Shankar) from her spirit’s root chakra to its crown; I was intuitively (without any forethought) opening and clearing ‘debris’, adding flowers, fields of freedom, fruit trees, love, forgiveness, etc.

As this was happening I would hear a voice saying things like, ‘You’re being crazy.’, ‘You’re brainwashed.’, ‘Imagining things, fooling yourself, stupid, etc.’ All the while the very force that created this dialog was also creating the belief in its own echo…

It was an incredible time, as I had to go deeper into my valuation for my retrieved, rediscovered joy-state, dance it out through hand/arm gestures and by releasing unrelenting heart-energies towards my mother..

Note: After leaving the C.H. early on, I was very deep into the electronic realm once again (as in the ceremony prior) and the closeness to Yage was so incredible!

I sent many hearts, drawn out in space with my hands, to my mother… Most of my ‘dancing’ took place laying down. At one point I totally accepted my mother, held her, holding, holding, (a sort of ‘completion’ from the previous ceremony’s unexpected pause in my healing-dance) while being on the precipice of total acceptance, present-faith-consciousness and forgiveness/empathy and doubting, qualifying mind: At one point Yage said, “Let’s go purge for your mother’s material (or dark energies).” [something referring to the sexual healing.] This was my first purge in the house this night, my second was that of purging Doubt…

Note: My joy is my cause. Saying ‘yes’ to all of Life’s expressions.

Shortly after purging Doubt, my mind approached me, somewhat disgruntled… Then something incredible occurred, my consciousness was being shown the mind for its inherited nature’s via the external world, solar system, etc. (It is difficult to write exactly what the origin of my mind ’is’, only that it is a ‘part’, my small part to be consciously responsible for.)

I suddenly came to the revelation that it was to be my partner in helping me be more clever in maintaining my joy, that I’d be its friend, wished to Love and Cherish it… At first it was reluctant, as if it had never been asked or told that it was beautiful. Soon it said, “Ok”.

Carriage I-age

Note: At one place in the night Yage showed me the ‘red skeleton teacher’ figure that I experienced over a year ago in a sort of shamanic dream journey. Yage calmly said that everything was ok… Then, gently, Ayahuasca introduced me to vague (so far as specifics), though distinct powers/forces of Death and Renewal through destruction.

Soon afterward, while laying in bed, I felt a presence arrive outside: my inner vision showed me a large black skeleton on a coach/wagon, at the reigns of black horses: There was a tinge of holiness/royalty in the air around this being…

Once this image was complete inside my consciousness, Yage immediately humbled me, I became very silent and was instructed to be patient and forgiving towards evil, that which manifested as other than love.

This was an incredible turn around, both being in making friends with my mind as an entity unto itself and a heart position with the evils of the world stage.

I could distinctly sense a distance, that I had made a choice to serve Yage, the Light, and that the darkness was still marching to its drum, only, that to try and drown out the music would not be me, only my mind’s imitation of what it was hearing evil doing.

I was shown how the external expression of life was my Yes-material: (At this stage tonight, I said “Yes” aloud several times.) The immensity of this revelation! I recall dedicating myself to saying ‘Yes’ to hearing and being with the world’s ‘labor pains’. A kind of commitment…

A boy

As I lay in bed, sweating, going deeper and deeper into the lessons being revealed, an absolutely incredible event occurred… I looked up, masses of love and openness filled me, my inner little boy was smiling and so happy with me (there was also a pictorial vision of a little boy laughing, arriving on the scene; possibly a different boy?) Suddenly it came to me that I wanted/or was to have (both simultaneously) a child, possibly a little boy? [I am not sure, though it felt like an omen of an actual birth and not something symbolic or isolated to the spirit-child within me; possibly the spirit-child’s second incarnation to come?]

Turtle

While still laying in bed, my body took on the sudden, involuntary posture of an upside down turtle (with my feet and arms at sticking out/right angled postures). The message that came to me was that although the turtle possesses a hard, thick shell for protection from the external world, that the design of its shield is ultimately beautiful first and foremost, that its beingness and participation, its soul connection with holy life was being displayed on its shell, that the shell was a sort of personal (like a tiger’s stripes) revealing of its holy reconciliation between vulnerability and basic survival…

This ‘fable’ taught me, though I cannot write it out complete, a valuable lesson in attitude and spirit; its link to, “Do not think… Listen to what others are saying as if it’s a song; reply with your song.” was a further deepening of this lesson with an actual demonstration of a creature-being of nature and the ‘galaxy’ of life on Earth…

Note: There is a connection here with the healing of my mother’s (as stated above) spirit-body in that I was ‘in’ the turtle medicine state while doing that healing session; I could feel the shell looming behind me as I sat up in bed motioning through the chakra work, etc.

We are cradles

The several times I went to the bathroom while in the Main House, I recall Yage telling me that these purges were the last remnants of Doubt and black mind shades (not actual quotes here).

I spent time clearing my body of residue-gray energies while in bed (The Sanango kept me horizontal for about an hour or more.) I recall making conscious connection and hand gestures in the air to share/fuse my sex chakra with my third eye center or reconciled-joy. Throughout the night I was busy reinforcing my commitment to joy, love and forgiveness: the purge lasted far into today, as I write this in my journal…

There was a moment in ceremony, possibly while in the Main House, that I connected to Taylor, one of the apprentices… [It is my perception that Yage brought me the link to this personal aspect of hers direct, i.e., that there was no mixing of it via my own story, before or afterward.]

I experienced her (Taylor’s) extraordinary power of motherhood and dedication to her family, an incredible gift! Inspiring and humbling too, to be shown another’s magic in action via their conscious way! After the ceremony, prior to going to the river, I spoke to her about it and told her that I was grateful for the gift; a beautiful connection while in the zone…

Note: Yage told me (after I asked God and Yage to keep me humble) that “To write and offer the world these accounts; that I’d be a news reporter for this dimension.” There was also a comment about the Ayahuasca dimension being the primary subject/context, while I’d be somewhat in the middle/back ground.

While sitting after the ceremony at the dining table, a fellow journeyman asked me how I was and I replied that I was still very deep in the Medicine and still ‘seeing things,’ etc. This person asked me to take this ‘seeing’ and look at what seemed stuck at their solar plexus region: Looking, I ‘felt’ and slightly envisioned a baby swaddled in dried leaves or a sort of mummy-wrapping.

I asked the person if they’d ever been involved in an abortion and they said ‘No’, though did not rule out a past life scenario… Looking deeper I could see that it resembled the Hades aesthetic, which I am a little familiar with… Emotionally and intuitively I sensed that I had to be very cautious not to touch her physically, to clear and unwrap/dispense certain tenseness and stuck fear within this ‘baby.’

After finishing the clearing, I mentioned to her to move it to her heart, to keep it warm, safe, love it, etc. (Prior to this they said that it had moved after I made the hand gestures over it.) Later I’d choose not to ask about further assistance to them, feeling that it was more gentle and right to go and lay down in my bed and be with the heart of my experiences, that they’d ask for help if needed, and certainly the Medicine was in full glory and command.

It was interesting because as I sat prior to going to bed, wondering if I was still in the zone enough to assist if they needed it, I played the Indian music to find out. When it triggered the shamanic dance-modalities in me, I knew I could still help, it was here that Yage seemed to give me my first choice to make; it was an incredible crossroads, where ‘the volunteering knight in shinning armor’ was better left to its readied stance. A beautiful freedom arrived through letting go of wondering and trusting the other to ask and ultimately Yage to always succeed.

Mother

There was a moment in the evening where I danced and hugged my mother, when I embraced motherhood and felt that I had become a complete ‘son’ of Woman/feminine, etc. It was a connection on a higher level of ‘woman’ than Yage, where my mother was the symbol: I understood and sensed the holy dedication I have to her (my mother), to the care and willingness to give via sacrifices, devotion, etc. There was also a point where I fully embraced her as herself, no more pre-qualifications from Mind, all heart-trust, trust, trust…

Yage mentioned again, “No more big purges.” Though there would be other aspects of Mind to purge, and to be careful about who I bring into ceremony to heal, to try during the next ceremony to simply be with the teaching/lessons.

On this night, intuitively, and with my left hand, I did acupressure on my right arm and leg, the arm was much better the next day, while the leg is still a little sore and stiff.

Deep, deep silence while sitting at the table; the little purge after walking back from the river.

Prayer

While laying in bed, I had the experience of making the connection to my prayer-time as a child (The actual night the invention of the drawstring-retriever came to me, and all my prayers to God for wisdom and the power to do good.)

Sensing again my soul’s beginning level of resurrection from the swamp to the lotus… Thanking God, the angels, Mom and Dad, Yage, Luco, my friends, forgiving those who have hurt me, etc., throughout the night several times…

Feeling my mind-heart connection being rewired throughout the day as usual everyday scenarios would present themselves and as I tried to align my responses according to the lessens and what I felt deeper as being real and right for me…

Yage told me several times in the night that it* was “ok”, that I (and “We”) can honor the request to stay in the Ceremony House until it’s finished. I did not know about having to stay in until it was over. Later in the night, after the ceremony was over, I sent Luco allot of apologies and asking for forgiveness concerning the early exit: too, I sent him a huge white, spirit-lotus… *Leaving early to take a shower per Ayahuasca’s request.

Throughout the night, Yage would also remind me many times, warning me of tricky mind constructions, etc.

Making heart signs surrounding my mother, possibly for each chakra (?).

It is almost as if the state of joy, wonder, new love for this difficult world is acting as a sort of psychic purge too… It is difficult to say since the Medicine is working parallel to me, even now at 8PM while writing in my journal I am still feeling the effects of Sanango…

Yage mentioned to me, “In the next ceremony you’ll learn something about Corn Medicine.”

The birth of death

Re-sensing the past, the things/actions of others that used to bother me and knowing that life is coming to me as my reflection-visiting; this revelation is immense and it is my deepest heart-want to give back the power of transformative-love/presence to this mirroring phenomenon.

Feeling throughout the night a new level of gratefulness for being a soul in a body: Looking down and seeing my body as a House of My Choices, choosing, a sort of plant and that my seed is a kind of holy-belonging, that these organs, blood, etc., are a ‘raw material’ for my soul to consciously embody and create itself through to the birth of death.

The awesome surrender and letting go of Doubt: How my presence and soul-being kept dancing through Doubt and mind-name-calling! Most beautiful Medicine!

We all went to the river around 3AM.

Smiling with Paul, Taylor and the others…

To see people, free from Doubt and Want…

The offering to one of the visitors a necklace to wear after their difficult ceremony: my initial wearing of it for company, envisioning the snakes and berry shrubs near me.

Ceremony 20

2009-10-29T16:18:00.000-07:00

October 20, 2009

Wings of eyes

Tonight’s ceremony was dedicated to my father, to healing and helping him in any way… I went into the ceremony with a little trepidation, since throughout the day I had been getting ominous visions/feelings that seemed to be generated from the Hades-realm.

I delivered my apology to one of the apprentices (See Ceremony 19) in the evening, prior to this ceremony and felt, with this gesture, that my purge had finally completed. I went into this ceremony having healed with him and possessing one focus, towards my Dad…

I drank a little more than a quarter cup; the effects (feeling the door to the electronic realm slowly swing open) began within 5-8 minutes, and soon I found myself in the traditional Shipibo design motifs and heading towards the bathroom (several times). Yage told me that tonight was not going to be anything like last evening, though it would not be easy and I would soon be purging my father’s material…

Strict roses

My consciousness was turned into a deep psychic traveling, far into the breast of father-heritage. The sudden aspect of ‘Strictness’ arose and this is what Yage told me that I would be purging… For the next 1 ½ hours I spent purging and contemplating my relationship to my father, to my own personal investment in the phenomenon of ‘Strict’, opening my heart, praying, thanking Yage, God, my parents, Luco, etc. for this opportunity…

I was immersed within this sense of strictness, while Yage told me that I’d be purging for my father, my father’s father and my entire family’s lineage. The purge consisted mainly of deep dry heaves and much conscience-connections to my own inheritance and subconscious possession/lifestyle of strictness.

Inner reign

It was between 11:30 PM and 12:00 AM that Yage told me that I needed to go to the shower… Luco was giving Jeff a healing ventiata as I silently exited to the Main House. Deeply immersed in the electronic realm I entered under the water. This was the earliest to date that I’ve been able to leave the Ceremony House to take a shower while not deeply ‘kept-in-place’ by the purge process.

It is vague as to what I experienced this first of three showers that Yage would have me take (a sort of final cleanse/rinse in the purge process): As I entered the house I could feel that I was still ‘swollen with the expectancy of more purge’, i.e., I could sense both physical-mass and psychic mass-subjects in my belly…

I bathed, changed clothes and stood awhile, then went to the dining area. Yage told me that I needed to lay down, so I turned around, trekking back to my bedroom. Once in bed, she also suggested that I listen to some music, specifically Ravi Shankar; as I turned the Ipod on, it was already set to this… (The electrical/astral realm buzzed around me like a light, transparent, ultra vague green glow; I feel that when I am immersed in this realm that I am wearing a small part belonging to The Skin of the World-galaxy and myself, simultaneously.) I believe it was a little after 12 AM at this point, just the peak of a night-journey dimension that would last until 4 AM…

The Cabinet

I laid down and pressed ‘play’: As the music started I began to dance with my eyes, arms and hands, asking Yage and God to help me open my heart, to heal my father, etc.

Suddenly I found myself in some sort of gazebo located in a very vague garden outpost (the location is vague since the nocturnal lighting was very dim.) At this moment I knew that Grandmother Ayahuasca was standing next to me, although I could not see her.

A cabinet presented itself to me, it had two distinct halves; on the right were the instruments and medicines/potions of the Brujo (dark magic), while on the left were those of the Curendero (light magic): Yage, either prior to this scene or slightly parallel to it, began to shower me with love and jewels, mercy and welcoming, emotionally it was nearly heart attack material! Within this context she said that I was now her “son”, her “little boy”, although, too, I had in my possession “expensive freewill/choice”.

I chose the left half… The light-aspects that suddenly infused and bonded to my consciousness were Love and Forgiveness. I felt a nearly Deity-like level of existence in me, as if I was the Deity of these aspects, the child of their union, the possessor of these since they both came together to fulfill me with such endless awe…

Grace and gratefulness

I lay in bed dancing with my hands; as astonishing as it sounds, the music was exactly on key with each stage of this unfolding, each song seemed perfectly choreographed to meet what was occurring in me…

Continuous golden dust, stars, jewels, milk, sun, love, compassion, holding and releasing; all was showering into me. Yage continued, saying that there would no longer be any “big purges”, that I would only experience “gifts”, though that I too must give gifts through my daily actions/deeds, a reciprocal alignment, again, the “expensive free will” came to my consciousness.

There was a hint that I would be purging other people’s materials, though that as I was now her child, these would be brief or of a different level than the personal redemption-path as before…

The sense of completion, of returning home was galactic; I was Source, though incredibly stable in the humility of being a fledgling of Love and Forgiveness, yet sensing myself as a timeless deity of these light-aspects…

Waterfall standing

Yage asked/told me to take another shower: Once under the shower, I sensed Ayahuasca’s presence; standing, I experienced an incredible level of joy and play, a new child under a waterfall of acceptance, home, love, a sort of completion… Newness again, of body and pure presence…

I stood under the water with my arms spread out as if gesturing like a bird that’s about to launch into flight, while with an incredible smile, eyes wide with returning, wonder and happiness.

I was told by Yage, “Here (referring to me), this is the ultimate sculpture to be made.” I sensed then that much of sculpture is affirmative on a subconscious level to such moments of spirit-work as this… This sculpture comment was not one suggesting a static place (some-thing done and over), only, actually a perfect beginning inside the Eternal.

I went back to my room, changed into my swimming trunks, pulling my sweat pants over them and laid back down for awhile, while the music took me deep into the aspects of Love and Forgiveness, the relinquishing of strictness… I believe it was here that Yage mentioned that the flute is the instrument that I’d need to learn to play, that it would be an instrument of healing for me… This advice had a hint of a ceremonial-healing context in it.

Want not

My memory is a little vague, though the outcome was/is the same, in that I sensed I was in the midst of certain ‘heroes’ of my past, spiritual masters who had always given me goosebumps…

Suddenly I spontaneously relinquished/agreed to give up ‘Want’, Yage immediately said, “Ok, let’s go purge that.” As I entered the bathroom, with music gently fixed in my ears, again, the rhythm/score was perfect!

I knelt down and could feel the purge arising and with several involuntary contractions in my guts I deeply dry heaved it out; a mild vomit taste followed, though I had not produced any actual material.

Note: While in the house I purged several times prior to this ‘want-purge’. I believe one time was for my father, though I do not recall the dark-material’s subject…

I walked to the edge of my bed and sat down to put on my socks, to walk around and possibly be with people, I was still very deep in the electronic realm; I could hear the static from time to time while the music was shut off at short intervals throughout the morning.

While I was still sitting on the edge of the bed, Yage said to me, “You can have a cookie, though only one.” Dwelling a moment on the severity of last night’s ceremony and lessons towards ‘slowing down’ and eating treats, I replied, ‘Are you sure?’ She returned by saying, “Yes”. (She also added, “Though, no caffeine.”)

The purging of ‘Want’ was subtle, though throughout the next three hours (till I feel asleep around 4:30AM) and today it would reveal its spaciousness, aspects being born, expansion and a new level of ‘existence behind the mind.’ Again and again, throughout the night, Yage would both remind me of ‘tricky-mind’ and show me several examples of it, which occurred 2-3 times… During this early morning I also visited with the kitten, changed its water and gave it healing energies…

Dark ark

I went to the dinning room and sat down with the cookie and was instructed to make a cup of Chamomile tea; while drinking a few sips I was either still purging or I was ‘approached’ by dark forces…

A sort of Hades-living-tapestry appeared above me, I felt my body hunch over a little, my joy, love and forgiveness slowly surged up into my eyes, as they glowed inner-ly with the spaciousness now available from the purge of Want; the ‘vehicles’ of Love and Forgiveness treated this image with serenity (not wrath), detachment, though attention to detail, emotional worth, heart sensations and then I suddenly heard a faint voice say to ‘dance this out.’

Meanwhile I took the cookie and was perceiving it from the electronic dimension, turning it around in my hand, considering its ‘body’, ‘design’, ‘breath’, etc. This is when I noticed that the pressed design on the cookie’s surface resembled the Chamomile flower illustration on the tea box, near exact; a vague message from Yage arrived, a sort of confirmation concerning ‘drinking flowers’.

I began to eat the cookie in a way I’ve never experienced before: As it entered my mouth, it was as if it were bone, or a dry body, and as it dissolved, mixing with my saliva it gained flesh, nerves, a body to the skeleton, an oasis to the desert…

As I swallowed it I sensed its integration with me and the pleasure of Yage’s gift of ‘Only one cookie.’ I went to drink the tea (either before dancing or after); as it entered my mouth, a voice said, “There’s something evil in there, do not swallow it.” I spit this out in a glass: The voice continued and said that it (the tea-flower) had taken the evil into it. I thanked the flower and was instructed to throw the tea outside on the earth.

Ashes of ashes

I returned to the Ceremony Room briefly to sit in Love with all the others and the space; I could perceive the purge material in the atmosphere, dark portraits and designs; I believe it was here that Yage instructed me to take my third shower where I again experienced the new fledgling joy and her (Yage) toweling me off with embracing, joy, instruction and reassurance of this arrival as her son… I gave thanks to Luco personally prior to leaving the C.H.

Upon my return from the third shower, plugging in the music again, something very unexpected and incredible began; as the music of Ravi Shankar began my body started taking on postures I’ve never experienced before and I began to dance, what I’d later consider was a sort of Shamanic Dancing (with India-ish styles of movements, though by no means the same) where as I danced I could manipulate with cosmic-presence, love, forgiveness, tenderness, attention to emotional detail and transformation, desired/aimed for ‘forces’…

It is difficult to describe what ‘forces’ meant here with a one sentence/paragraph definition; I hope by the next few pages that the definition can go beyond implying…

God-clay

As I began to dance with my father in mind I asked Yage, God, all the angels and forces of Light to help me open my heart… Gestures of my hands pulling out forces of love and passion for forgiveness and compassion occurred. I continued to pull/stretch energies, play with what seemed to be orbs, ever changing in size, density and which I’d send away into the air…

I began to dance with meditations of my father flowing through me, thoughts/emotions of his hard work, his own soul’s path, his offerings of food, shelter, etc., all within the immense cosmic-fact of having done and still doing his best; abstract energies visited me, somewhat neutral though having a confused disposition, I touched, moved and danced into these, dispensing them, creating parallel light-love energies to accompany them in the now and dispense them transformed.

At one point I was making grasping gestures as if I were pulling long filing cabinets forwards in two different directions, i.e., rolling them far in front of me and behind, this was very dynamic, the cabinets/drawers slid out and back very fast for what I sensed was eternally long, never ending. I found myself doing this from head height, all the way down to my shins, since there were levels, i.e., about 4-5 drawers in all, one perfectly positioned and roll-able upon the other (and which could all be sliding by in different directions simultaneously.)

I had the revelation that these were the Ashetic Records, the celestial files of all expressed existence from the beginning, (though I am not sure what this sense of ‘beginning’ is.) The ‘drawers’ may have been long panels, since, as my hands moved over them, I was not filing through, instead it felt more like being at an old fashioned telephone operator station, unplugging and plugging in connections: this phenomenon dispersed and I continued to dance into this energy that I was previously prompted to “dance away.”

Calcium and heartbeats

Suddenly I found myself rhythmically turning around to perceive something connected to my father sitting/being on the ground behind me, yet ‘this ground’, although the perception was that of the dining room floor of the Main House, I distinctly knew that it was also ‘connected’ to another dimension’s ‘ground’, a sort of Hades-space, though not distinctly evil or diabolical, mainly exuding pain, darkness, constipation and sadness…

With extraordinary and never experienced cosmic-level love and choreography, dance movements which held and expressed Universal pure-intents of Love and Forgiveness living/breathing, I began to step into this space and journey towards this ‘little thing.’

I recall feeling an incredible sense of Eternal story, Eternal redemption and Love rising, feathering out of me in ways of conscious sureness of/in love-duty and the power to deliver myself into this role…

As I neared it, I was delicately stepping over obstacles/small barriers, shields and nets of darkness, mists of lonesomeness and grief, sadness and emptiness: I reached down and took it into my hands, it was a baby skeleton who was very angry/irritable, stiff, afraid…

I carried it in my hands while walking/dancing backwards, turning around I cradled it and then held it up, placing it into my heart; once there I could feel that a space above my head was expressing its blossoming and love-transformation: I continued to send love and gratitude towards my father.

Note: Prior to putting the baby skeleton into my heart, I held it in my arms, caressing, celebrating its god parts and objective innocence of being; a kind of heart to body operation.

Heart script

During this time I began to make heart outline-signs with my hands, sending these out, surrounding psychic issues that would surface, i.e., subjects of old mind patterns, attitudes, etc.

At one point in the night I would make this heart outline around my waist (like an equator), actually it was two heart energetic-drawings, one starting its points in the front of me and the other drawn from behind…

I went outside/was called to dance ‘this’ in the outdoors spaciousness and under/into Space (I had my Ipod playing the Ravi Shankar, Chants of India music at this time.) I started by making a heart sign on the earth (in the sand) and writing ‘DAD’ in it, touching it and sending the Love, grounding…

Note: I recall that while I was outside it was here that I began experiencing the overlay of deities within me for the first time: I believe ‘the first’ was one of the Wrathful Deities of Tibetan Buddhism; it was on fire, a little heavy set and holding the balances (Not actual scales; I felt that it possessed a yin/yang aura of action/duty.)

I began to expand the dance (or it may be more right to say that it began expanding me). As I danced I grew, I sensed that I embodied the deity-power of Love and Forgiveness, playing with spheres, energies, columns of energy, all having no specific ‘meaning’, mainly it seemed that all these created shapes/or grasped forms were offerings of a devotion that would later manifest while I lay contemplating the night’s moving towards my taking ‘the tired body’ to bed.

I danced into the Field of Creation, of all light/good beings, calling upon them to come to me: As I looked up into the tall tree canopies and low lying bushes, flashing lights began to show themselves (insects that possess a phosphorescent substance.)

I felt one presence while outside, manifesting as a light cool breeze behind me, though saw no beings arrive: It seemed that this was a time for me to express myself as the son of Yage and light medicine…

I will never forget these moments where I took/received the raw materials from the Field of Creation, investing in them my intents towards my father’s healing, towards Love and Forgiveness, sending them out into Space, Earth itself, an ancient deity-dance of surrender, expression, power of heart and unconquerable Light-soul…

I danced, shimmered, sent energies to the ground, skies, pulled heart-fields and flower-meadows from my inner being, sending these out to enhance the Earth. I did not (hardly ever) think about what I was doing, i.e., no preconceived notions/planning; nearly all of it was ‘all one’ with the music, spontaneous intent and an innate embodiment of these light-aspects…

I sensed that I was not dancing an entirely ‘personal rite’, that it was one primarily set in an ageless tradition of having reached this level of soul-participation, and as these deity-aspects and forms passed and stayed housed in me, they left unmovable ‘prints’ and ‘signs’ inside me as well… I am still processing all of this today, this was an immense night that would seemingly not stop unfolding!

Blessings

As I entered the house, having heard someone come in while I was outside, feeling that a little conversation or trip to the river would be good, I found that it was Luco coming in to go upstairs to rest.

I began dancing again: my hands, arms, torso, hips, legs, feet and head, all synchronized to some ancient chorography (Indian dance?). Though I know nothing of this form of expression, I could feel that each move/gesture had an absolute force and function in the electronic/spirit realm (That Indian dance was originally a shamanic tool?)

As I danced I began to take on the form of what I sensed as Shiva; this initial manifestation was a little confussing since, when I looked down I envisioned an umbrella of cobras appear above my genitals, as I danced longer I felt the presence of her.

For a moment I danced as Shiva, this quickly lead to my embodying another being (Yage herself?) I had never seen before… It started with my hair turning into a blazing orange color and simultaneously growing into long, wavy, sprawled out strands; I gained breasts, became pregnant (pregnant with myself, father and mother). My hips expanded to a healthy maternal capacity, my thighs softly fleshy and tappered with bare feet, I possessed no arms, instead there were huge wings of feathers with eyes (I danced the longest as this deity/being; I recall that I manifested as her twice this night.)

While dancing I was still dispensing energies, sending out Love and Gratefullness to my father, reaffirming and pulling tighter the one pointed aim, that this night be-in-total, without distraction, for him exclusively…

To stone

I recall a moment where the appirition of Medusa came to me while dancing and that I had the epiphany that ‘Turning men to stone’ referred to some ancient place in time where a corruption entered manhood’s upbringing concerning the sacredness of the genital energies, their primary passion and place (as I sense it) being in the field of self procreation and the adding of Light and Love to this Earth-plane and Universe we’re expressing in… That the ‘stone’ effect refers to the erection.

When this image appeared I remember that, with sincere understanding and love, I placed flowers and jewels into its portrait-field, touching it, unwinding the serpents and dispensing it…

As I danced I embodied several more deities: One was Ganesha, with a large bottom, legs and feet, possessing an elephant head: For a time I held one-legged postures while dancing from the waist up.

Additional to the human/deity forms that embodied me, I also found myself as a huge tuft of tall grass, dancing, swaying in some sort of astral-breeze; this flashed in and out of my experience quickly, lasting no more than a couple minutes…

I believe that it was at this stage that my father’s teenage body-spirit appeared in front of me; sensing it like the presence of vapors or a magnetic field between magnets, I went immediately/involuntarily to his feet and held my hands there for a long time, sending energies into them; grounding Forgiveness, going up the body, forgiving, investing flowers, lotuses, love and blessings. I also specifically invested flowers and hearts into the sex chakra, opening this area up, pulling out corrupted energies, bringing freedom, clarity and pureness there.

Laughing Buddha

Suddenly, with more and more heart energies going out to my father (I was dancing for him throughout all the deity-embodiments) something occurred in front of me; my father appeared in another dimension, pictured in my dance-field in the dining room: We danced together, our moves nearly synchronized (though not perfect). I began to cry and dance simultaneously as we joyfully motioned like two laughing Buddhas…

I could feel that we were inextricably connected as Buddha-souls, enduring this living myth… He laughed and smiled, we danced and danced, giggling, coming home into each other, coming home… My joy and ecstatic state was boundless, yet latched to dancing for him.

I began to think about my mother, Yage spoke and said that, “She will have her time.” Once again, I surged ahead, dancing, reestablishing deeper the non-stop feeling of investing Love and Forgiveness towards my father…

Mother reeds

Later, as I lay in the hammock, a sudden intuition came to me. My body was exhausted; Yage told me, “No more showers, though the river in the morning.” This intuition was to dance for my mother’s healing. I got up and quickly broke through the physical barrier of fatigue…

As I danced I took on the form of a paternal deity: First it manifested as a ‘perfect Adam’ character, then Zeus, then a sort of more slender form, possibly the Messenger of the Gods, Mercury… (This may be when I changed and danced again as the winged feminine.)

I danced and began sending Love and Forgiveness, healing intent to her: very quickly I saw a little girl’s siloquette standing on the computer table, sensing it in my inner eye.

As I moved to the Indian rhythms I recall a distinct change here with the healing of my mother-time, my feet suddenly took on the quality of high-strength magnets ‘stuck’ to the Earth; I planted my hips through the now immovable rootedness of my feet in the Earth and began to dance, shake and shimmer my intents into the Life-field…

Looking, sensing this open, electronic dimension, I found that a jungle of tall plants separated my mother and I; it was an amazing dance-path into this space, dancing and parting simultaneously this jungle with Hands of Love, strength, one pointed love aiming and forgiveness, alongside a power of acceptance that my consciousness has never experienced!

As I neared her I could discern the ashamed expression on her face, the frozen standing up posture of ‘being in the corner.’ She was so quiet, so simply there! When approaching the computer table (since the headlight lighting the room was now sitting on another table behind me) my shadow nearly met perfectly overlaying where her head height was; briefly I outlined my shadow and worked energies into it, though I sensed this as an abstraction or subtle distraction… I took to moving along her body in a similar way that I treated my father’s teenage spirit form: in this vision space my mother’s body was about three feet tall, at the age of 6 or 7 (?)

I took her up, placing her in my arms and began to do a sort of ‘dance-walk’, taking her back into the light: this was an immense time, feeling her shame draining into me and being immediately transformed and dispersed into the atmosphere above: I took her past the bright light and turned around with her still in my arms, and while facing the dining room’s back door, danced there with her, until one of the apprentice’s came in… It’s here where I ceased the healing and prepared to listen and share in his very difficult night…

Towards the end of ceremony ~
Misc. ceremony notes

Note: The apology and admitting to the apprentice of my ‘holding a grudge’ (strictness), the deep sorrow and repent-desire associated with its having played through me, seemed to set the stage for an immediate journey to the main ‘archetypal-emotion’ that has plagued my particular paternal’ lineage; this is my intuition today, as I record in my journal this incredible evening…

One of Yage’s constant mantras this evening was “Beware of Tricky Mind.”

Near the time I was getting ready to dance outside, I met with one of the neighborhood dogs laying on the porch; I sensed its energy, laying my hand on its right side, feeling its anger and fear within, attending and willing the fear to leave it, etc. I could perceive the old-ness of soul experience inside it, an incredible merging while in the electronic zone…

Note: Laying in bed, I remember accessing the clouds, i.e., the Airy Realm briefly…

This morning and afternoon, noting changes in my sex-chakra area.

While sitting at the dining table; my astral body-presence looking through the Tricky Mind, the mechanical universe of my cosmic presence.

Between the cookie & teatime and beginning to dance, a moment occurred in me of feeling torn between going back to the Ceremony House and being with others and staying inside; Yage telling me that we had work to do and my sense that the time alone was needed, semi-urgent…

When we’ve studied and become a ‘Dr. Love’, we can leave this Earth school.

After finishing with my mother’s ‘To be continued healing’ (See Ceremony 21) I was listening to Jeff’s story of his difficult night, sensing his story; a new sort of quietness and beautiful field between myself and my mind occurred. Statements expressing my brotherly affections towards him.

Mausha’s stories and sharing: that she is a god-flower, and my connecting in a positive, ‘floral’ way with her inner feminine manifestation… Speaking to her about sensing that I can now be a true man to the world, to slow down, to be earnest, honest, supportive, strong, hard working and trusting…

There was a time in the evening, while speaking to Jeff that a nocturnal moth came into the house; it was an incredibly beautiful design and I wished to help it find its way back outside. I got up on a chair (while still in the Yage zone to some significant degree) and asked it if it wanted to ‘go out’… I started gesturing my arm/hand to imitate its flying pattern, soon it landed on my hand, staying there, I was able to carry it outside to let it fly free…
__________

Written while in the Yage-zone ~

Be the rhythm that doesn’t express itself rhythmically.
Here is nowhere else,
The Universe in God-Mind,
Each human carries this inherited God-gift-resurrection.

To know Yes and No means nothing to the soul,
The soul expresses its powers in such simple gestures that the mind cannot play…

Soul Human says, “There’s a chip on the side of the cup I drink from.”
God answers, ‘Be ambidextrous.’

The Soul-human is often drunk with the birthing pains of the Universe…

Ceremony 19

2009-10-28T14:10:00.000-07:00

October 19, 2009

Farewell to this name ‘I’
Friendships are gifts, not projects.

Vast openness, freedom of skill, freedom of the “I am” to pass through itself; pure air is breathing itself…

To begin: On this night I would experience the strongest and longest ongoing purge while in total conscious link with my body, i.e., I was able to participate in this purge rather than being ‘chained’ to it….

It is difficult to write this out, to find words, sentences to describe the new level of relationship I have come to… I started with drinking a third of a cup: Waiting 20-30 minutes… Looking and hearing around the room at the silence and experiencing that Luco was more quiet, I felt that the medicine had made it to a sort of precipice/edge in many people and was waiting to fly (not really going anywhere). For the first time I decided to take another dose, a quarter cup; after this my experience would commence, an awesome set of footsteps were on their way…

As I was sitting in the rocking chair, I was drawn to look towards the ceremony door (the only door in the structure)… I had to turn myself around in the chair, an unusual beginning as something began to materialize; I sensed that it was my new friend’s ‘dark-material.’ I recall feeling that she was chained down somewhere, shackled by being so ‘precious’ to others, particularly men. This preciousness was not a sort born of pure, unconditional love, but of a kind from/via worship of dependence, a need that compromised the freedom of the soul to express itself without objection or competition/rejection, etc.

I began to see and feel a pathway or tunnel towards this shackled place and began laying out beauty, acceptance, allot of color, light and carefulness with hand gestures and conscious, heart intent, being as gentle and selfless as possible as I parted these clogged energies that manifested as sorts of stacked, dark tiles or indistinct metallic flat objects…

I remember planting lotus seeds down there as well and unshackling, raising this retrieved part of her soul up in my palm, holding it in the air like a little girl might stand on her father’s hands to take a dive into the sea… I gestured it upwards and towards the sky, to let it fly. I felt its lightness and calmness, its quiet freedom floating into the night… There were two of these sessions back to back.

At some point, very briefly, I experienced the spirit of an insect embody me, a very large roach we had found prior to ceremony; it felt like it had appeared inside me to commence/perform a small, very specific-to-it duty. I do not know what this was, being only present to it superimposed over/between my consciousness and body, making gestures, feeling, looking/doing something (?)

The next part of this began with Yage telling me that I was going to purge my friend’s ‘ants.’ Strong visions of clusters of these insects came into my consciousness and I began to purge these; it was a very strange feeling to purge another’s dark material, to look and truly experience these forces belonging to another.

As I lay, dry heaving these, my state of joy was fixed in the mist, looking out; Yage told me, “This is what you wanted, this is what it’s like to purge another’s material.” Yage also commented on my shamanic apprenticeship, saying that ‘This is what apprentices do (or go through)’. Saying something to this effect…

Down the rabbit hole: The holy Soul miner.

The purge stepped down incredibly deep, to an electronic world level that I was not accustom to interacting with, (Usually it is the 100% doer, while I react and am immersed in being an ‘effect’ to its teaching-cause.) This time I was fully aware and a willing witness to the layers being peeled away to reveal a purer soul-state of being.

After the careful renovation of the place where a part of her soul seemed shackled and the purging of the ants (I have yet to understand their significance) Ayahuasca moved to a ‘part’ of myself, where it began to reprimand me on a recent argument I had with a fellow apprentice; she showed me how it had stained/soiled the steps of her White Cathedral within me, digging deep into a part of me that I would never have expected was impeding my soul…

The order of events gets a little sketchy here… I feel that the notes are the most important to get across in the recording of the teaching now… Yage told me that, “Arguing borrows the other person’s sorrow and creates Hell.” A significant part of this teaching took place in the bathroom, where I found myself going to while deeply immersed in Shipibo design grids and the familiar static/crackling sound of the electronic dimension.

While sitting on the toilet, ‘letting it all go’, there was a point where I connected to the honesty of the human condition I had embodied and let fall aside all feelings of being embarrassed over the sounds the purge was making.

I could feel an incredible straight drain going through the middle of my body, like a soft, though rigid pipe of sorts. A valve seemed to be turned on and in the midst of evacuating my bowels, Yage said, “This is what your arguing sounds like to me.” She also added that I would additionally purge ‘defilement.’

In my conscience/consciousness I could sense the utter inevitability of this ‘No other way to Pay’ approach, though had no idea how so non-linear it would be…

By the time I was back to my mat I was dry heaving again: I sensed it was also getting rid of that apprentice’s ‘borrowed sorrow’ from me as well, along with whatever forces in me that were created ‘negative weight’ and ‘soil on the White Temple’s pristine steps.’

There was a time where I turned to the Main House and sent an intent to that person, (they were not attending the ceremony that night due to a sickness gotten the day prior), asking for forgiveness and apologizing for not responding to him when he was obviously trying to make up (by creating a positive comment at the dinner table) for holding a grudge.

This lead to more purges and several new methods of evacuating/purging I had never experienced, a sort of dry heave belch and a whooping cough… I also experienced a kind of fever, sweating and shaking; this was due to the subtle and deep dance of the volcano-Sanango that had been brewed in with the Ayahuasca along with 10-15 other tree spirits, etc.

To not go into too much detail over the different stages of the physical purging locations, intervals, etc., it is good enough today (as I still feel like I am purging psychic material as I write this in my journal at 3PM) to record that I needed to take 2-3 showers, went to the river at 2AM with a friend, and revisited the Ceremony House to purge more in the midst of the shaman‘s presence, all in a night of continuous purging for nearly four hours; an emotional lesson for sure!

The intricacy of this purge process was incredible, astounding really, as the reality of my soul’s beingness would be disclosed/revealed little by little as Yage lifted these heavy ‘tapestries of self’ away…

White swamp, Black lotus

In mid-ceremony I lay on my back, as Yage had instructed me to do, so that the purge and I could clear out material more efficiently. After several long bouts of huge air whooshes out of my mouth, I lay, then, very ominous energies arrived…

Several times in the night, twice in the Ceremony House and a couple times in the Main House, I felt that I might have to call for Luco’s help as these nearly god-like dark forces arrived; though, in this night’s ‘interactive purge’ I was able to change my relation and ‘being/level of experience’ with the evils/sins that had only recently been ‘put in’ by this argument-borrowing of another’s material and also, there were several entities who were altogether seemingly indifferent to specific contemporary/personal events, instead, they represented archetypal evils/malevolent energies housed at the base of my spirit (Not sure how to describe the netherworld level in me.) Note: the recent problem with the base of my spine is gone today.

Returning back to being on the mat after several bathroom purges: I was feeling the wrath of Yage’s tough love, the nearly unbearable realization that this purge was upon me due to me…

No other relevant world exists but the conscious soul inside this Earth body (At least not at this most intimate time between my deeds and Ayahuasca’s deeper reconciliation’s to come.)

Lover colors

Somewhere between mid and the end of ceremony I lay on the mat staring up, suddenly separate colors in the form of a kind of fairy showed up in the airspace above me… The colors were vibrant, splotch-shapes, with eyes/faces; they began to paint me…

I sensed that each color had a personality, a lifestyle, feelings, a life to live of its own chosen way, etc. This group numbered 4-5 and my feeling was that they were ‘teenagers’ and not old ‘colors.’ They were painting me as a very dark ‘tapestry’ was being moved out of me and through the emotional/dynamic ‘experiencer’ of my consciousness by Yage.

At some point in the ceremony I became very disoriented, feeling that my consciousness might drop off the edge of existence itself… Yage would tell me several times that I was going to be ok, that this has to happen this way and no other way tonight. I was going back and forth from the rocker to the mat, not really knowing what I was purging, when and how the patterns would unfold.

There were times that Yage was very silent, leaving me to my own devices to figure out how to get out of my self-knitted net. The fairies were incredibly beautiful and profound; I sense they did something more specific and vital than I can rightly understand now.

Friendships are gifts, not projects

At this midpoint of purging Yage dove ruthlessly deep into the subject of relationships (friendships). She told me that, “Friendships are gifts, not projects.” and showed me the true to life coincedence in the name of my first wife’s newly acquired pet and the name of a friend. Yage would use this coincedence as a sort of canvas to say, “Do not make friends into pets.”

The Medicine went deeper and deeper, purging, moving towards some sort of level I could not witness simultaneously. It was near this time when it revealed an/the ‘area of creation’ in me; she was so thorough, so meticulous in its deconstruction!

The revelation came; the argument I had recently, my new friend, ‘I’ in general: Yage said, “Tonight we will purge the part of you that makes things precious, that invests self importance.” This began another series of purges (I was, unknowingly at the time, purging at least two separate issues/areas within myself) where I could feel the tension and desperateness’s in me leaving, parts/areas of psychic-machinery being demolished, melted down in my soul’s quest for what would later reveal itself as a quote when Yage told me, while I was settling back into the world of the flesh-senses that, “The only thing you can trust is pure love.”

Yage used my recent finding of the kitten as an example of making something ‘precious’, how I/we invest (loose parts of our soul-body) by putting ‘self’ into the external-ephemeral and told me that intent is not wrong or the bad-‘thing’, that it is the self-importance I invest in the intent which creates the imprisonment, the possibility of hell-housing…

Ayahuasca revealed a depth of being, helping me ‘resurrect it’, then I could consciously conceive of an existence as ‘now’, where an intent could occur through my heart, through pure love and without personal importance, i.e., a feeling of loosing or gaining a sense of self through actions, desires filled or unfulfilled…

Towards the settling-back-stage I experienced a resurgence of my joy, while dark-energies continued to battle for space… I experienced my brain (the inside of my skull) as a spaciousness filled with stars.

I came to a sort of conviction (because it worked) that problems, projects, desires, etc., do not belong in my mind, instead, their conscious place is in the heart.

Slow down, calm down

Also, at this time, I purged another deep part of self-importance, a kind of ‘dependence’. Yage told me to “Slow down”, to stop eating so much and treating myself to too many ‘treat-moments’, to “Calm down” and to especially stop entirely the consumption of caffeine. It revealed to me how caffeine was connected to that ‘self-body’ I had purged, that it was not a substance that pureness resonated with, (at least in my case right now.) And for me to drink only flowers/herbs. While drinking the chamomile tea I envisioned a meadow of this yellow flower in me; when I thanked it, the flower replied, ‘You’re welcome.’

Onyx drift

About this part of me that makes things important… A vision/experience manifested, I died, my name, my role as this character was purged from my being-presence; I could feel how, for so many years, this character of my name had been a sort of parasite, though not totally without my soul’s celebration and love of life…

I found my consciousness out in Space and witnessed my character’s body floating away, going back to the planets and ‘system’ that assisted in its formation… Soon into this process, I would also witness the giving back of ‘parts’ of the whole (body) by my making scooping gestures with my hands directed towards my body and handing to different directions in the sky these aspects of human, the parts that served areas of my life that were not regenerative.

Via the saying ‘goodbye’ to the role of my name: The clarity that came to me was astounding, so unavoidably true to my inner life knowing and my soul-being-presence as an astral being on Earth. (I have always had this intuition; what had nearly always been in the background of my consciousness was tonight in full glory ‘front!’)

The feeling was, that I had given back ‘facilities’ to the Earth itself (towards the ground), to the planets/astrological mathematics who created mind-patterns, types of people, constitutions, etc., (to the sky), these parts of my ‘whole name’ that they had produced, coating me in self-importance, competitiveness, drama-significance creating, doubt, strife, suspense and a sense of not being safe inside this body of systems not at my core-existence, etc.

Somewhat separately, there was a moment where I envisioned and was what I sensed is my true scale to the Universe, i.e., that of a piece of electronic, rune etched, fabric-fiber strand, intricately latched into a vast network of living ‘fibers’.

As this shedding and giving back happened, I had the extraordinary sensation that I had come home completely, that a kind of complete-spiritual awakening had occurred here at the purging of that which ‘filled pure intent with self importance’ and made relationships ‘projects (self-referred) and precious’ (dependant on-self feeding on self) or Illusion eating its shadow for nourishment… This complete realization of a total spiritual awakening occurred after my last shower: to begin its story ~

Shadow echo

I had come back into the Ceremony House after the first shower, feeling that I had more to purge (and did). Also, after my first shower Yage directed me to put on the small-vertebrae & red seed necklaces; this was prior to the myth-purge stage (that’s described below.)

Afterwards Yage told me to, “Go strip again and shower.” As I entered the house and was walking down the hallway, I could feel that some sort of demonic force/entity was on the edge of being removed (by the medicine), it was literally walking with each stride that I took, as though it were fastened on me like a scarecrow or rag doll a stickman… Actually it took on the form of a dense shadow-being: Yage told me a few times that I would be ok and that it (the entity) didn’t want to get under the cold water… For a brief moment I did experience a pause/stalling from my physical body prior to the shower, though nonetheless, I turned it on and got under.

While under the shower, seeing jewels flowing by mixed in with the water, I experienced a part of my consciousness as the Lucifer-legend/myth, I witnessed sins, evils, dark deeds and pain draining off of me and down the drain…

As I looked to the floor I witnessed the ‘body of lure’, ‘the body of biblical myth’ as the reality of being incarnated as a human being, as me, of being this solar system’s expression of a god-flower-innocent at inception, etc. I suddenly said, “I repent” several times and sensed that this dark inheritance had been redeemed…

There was also a slight sensation of sharing a consciousness with something bigger than my single soul, as if there were some kind of small redemption taking place in something else far away from me as a human-wrapped soul standing in a shower on Earth, that perhaps the fallen angel itself were being redeemed human by human who were realizing themselves by transforming this self importance-body into god-service, love and forgiveness (?)

Though ‘this’ was purged, others would follow: At one place in the evening, prior to going to the river with Paul, as he came in from the Ceremony House, I excused myself from the dining room right away and went to purge what would reveal itself as a sort of female-succubus.

Yage reached farther than ever before (physically) into my guts for this one; I felt that the dry heave vibrated the very bottom/back wall of my innards… I experienced visions of the Hades-aethetic several times this night and felt that Sanango was keeping certain degrees of the purge ‘aligned’ and running smoother (and protected). I also prayed several times throughout the night to the forces of all that is love, healing and good; angels, God, Yage, my totems, etc. to help me help myself.

Towards the end…
Misc. ceremony notes

The incredible healing that took place with the apprentice in the evening after this ceremony; my saying that ‘We have to build up with what we’ve torn down’ (no new raw materials.) Yage had told me several times (and made me solemnly promise to do so) that I would apologize to the apprentice the following day. Feeling that my purge actually ended psychically and energetically at the reception of this apology/conversation at around 8 PM.

My new friend’s dream journey corresponding to the previous night’s work…

No more arguments, no more urgency.

A note here in my journal that Ceremony 20 is to be dedicated towards my father, sending love and healing to him exclusively.

The envisioning of multiple lotuses at the chakra areas of my body and ‘touching’ them from the base/root to the crown areas.

There was a time in the ceremony, perhaps at the very beginning, that Ayahuasca spoke about making some final adjustments in/with my second chakra. I felt ‘activity’ there today during my nap/after, near waking/getting up…

A section of the ceremony where Yage tells me that I will be able to “read houses,” to “clear them,” to find rooms that are congested and bring them into a healthy balance: That I’d also be able to do this with people and that I am a healer… (Vaguely I sensed a message that houses are also alive/beings.)

The intuition concerning Jeff’s brother, as being a soul carried/following him through his incarnation into this world, i.e., an unfinished ‘business,’ souls somehow inseparable in their ‘individual’ quests. (A symbiotic prerequisite to each other’s evolution.)

The lesson of how self-serving, self demonstrating a friendship as a project can be. I received intuitions to ask “What is your friend giving you? How do you/I appreciate them without their reactions to what you’ve/I’ve given?”

Yage told me near the middle of ceremony that one thing that saved me from a more difficult night was my conscious avoiding of the movie some were watching prior.

“We argue and war because we do not feel safe in ourselves/our bodies.” (A lesson while resting in the hammock.)

Note: The discussion while in the hammock with my Little Boy, his happiness with my apologies and deepening commitment to be a better ‘Father.’ The incredible battle taking place between me and dark forces that wanted to ‘soil’ this joy of his, trying to distort his actual joy-expressions that I was envisioning into horror-shows. This is near one of the times that I ‘thought’ I would need to call on Luco for assistance, instead, I asked Yage to help me open my heart, to move this material from my mind to my heart, where I could process it, keep it safe, warm, loved and relevant to what I truly am.

From the hammock, I went to the bathroom several times in the Main House to purge/dry heave these forces: At one point I purged and while washing my hands Yage said, “Now you’ve paid for what you’ve done to your friend.” (i.e., the long argument with one of the apprentices.) This was a total surprise since the two or three purges were so intertwined, I could not distinguish a linear direction via their happening, i.e., a clear beginning and end, etc.

Being with my cat in the room (the kitten I found in Herrera) and seeing it as a positive, symbiotic relationship of conscious love and conscious need; I am no longer a dark-affirmation creator.

While speaking (after the ceremony) about one person’s journey to the heart of the Earth, my saying that the Dwarves are probably celebrating having seen her travel by on the way to the heart… Also, mentioning (half-jokingly) that the Dwarves may have played a role in creating our bodies, i.e., specifically the forging of the skeletal-structure.

My envisioning of the holy white skeleton in a sort of squatting or sitting pose, though nothing beneath it, hunched over a little, feeling its divine craftsmanship and in awe of who/what could have crafted its genius.

Many Shipibo designs; the first time of their resurgence, where they disappeared for nearly an hour and then came on strong later at the dining table amongst the others while we were talking.

After going to bed, when energetically/psychically sharing in another‘s purge that was occurring in the house: I had the vision of the vagina as a god-flower and the sense that the two sexes together, the ‘stem’ and ‘flower’ produce (or can produce) love-innocence/a certain ‘kind of child.’

Note: That we do not know what one another ‘Is’ no matter the external interests-expressions they manifest.

While going out at night to the river, seeing the circle galaxy or wheel of stars with Paul; feeling like it was getting me a little ‘detached’ from gravity/Earth, woozy, moving on to the river.

The walk to the river, seeming to take an eternity, while we were in The Eternal, sensing the nature/essence of it.

The talk with an apprentice about my visit to my fathers’ home. Note/quote: An example of the expectation-thoughts/inner-dialog, that ‘I will not appreciate your train set until it becomes mine, etc.’ (Qualifying others subconsciously to be a twin…)

Owning up to having hurt my father’s feelings; to have related to this through conversation with the apprentice… His revelations about his relation to his father, etc.

The apprentice’s comment about getting metaphorical ‘cookies’ from Yage.

The next morning at the breakfast table; Jeff’s thought concerning our being involved in a Co-creation: The delicate joy of sharing what actually belongs to everyone.

The awesome sense of being behind all talents, as a sort of expressionless master: to now choose with heart and not self-mind-intent.

Ceremony 18

2009-10-19T15:04:00.000-07:00

October 16, 2009

Stop playing with the universe, put it down.

Tonight I went into this ceremony with several issues to try and connect with: The primary one was whether this path towards apprenticing in shamanism is what Yage wishes for me and to help heal my friend Lori… To begin, I drank a third of a cup, close to twice my usual dose, this took me far into the medicine’s landscape, my own and others, including the fingerprints of those long past… (This ceremony took place during a new moon phase.)

This session was a deep introspective journey; a long first two hours of sporadic dry heave-purges and energetic/emotional work with dark psychic environments… Most of this night’s purge-route would be traveled via yawning; many deep and double-yawns and an early trip to the bathroom (again).

Again, I am recording this late in the day, my energy has been up and down, though mainly at ground zero, taking several naps and busy with having found a stray kitten…

This journeying began with an incredible unfolding that took its course through dancing/gesturing to one of the early icaros. For one of the first instances I felt that ayahuasca was resting ‘softly’ in my stomach, although its work there was deep, underwater deconstruction and construction… I felt that it was working ‘in the dark’ (my dark), somewhat behind my consciousness, that anything could surface on a night like this, and would…

As I began to dance, mainly with my arms, hands and torso, since I was sitting in one of the ceremony rockers, I began to feel that distinct parts of my body were taking on specific symbolic powers/totems or ‘natural forms’.

Body of bodies

My feet were at first semi-sensed as claws/paws, since my hands ‘went’ intuitively to take on claw-like gestures above each foot, though they (my feet) quickly clarified themselves as being two great sized snake heads, possibly with their mouths open… The ankles and calves took on the nature/being of yellow corn, the thighs were alligators, my torso a great sized tortoise with its head facing down; my arms eventually identified themselves as wings (possibly of the dove-totem), while my head was a quiet, gathered together swarm of honeybees. (A later note: Maybe there were clawed hands at the end of the wings? Though these were soaring wings, great distanced flapping, i.e., more bird-like, than a bat. The wings seemed larger than a dove’s.)

For 10-15 minutes I danced while sitting down and briefly stood up as this composite creation, sending different aspects of these ‘parts/aspects’ to people on my healing list (At this time I also stretched as Luco had suggested.)

To my mother I sent wings, to my father I sent honey and to my friend I sent either the tortoise or alligators to swim throughout any confusing depths and to assist in breaking up/diffusing dark energies…

It’s vague here as to what occurred to transition to the next part: I felt that I was being worked on and working simultaneously… So, distinct (personal) action at this point was blurred a little. I recall going towards areas of collective ’bunched energies.’ Note: I remember that the totems showed/demonstrated their power stance(s) briefly; I felt hints of their natures, though could not interact deeply.

My consciousness was ‘operating’ this body of bodies with intent, love, direction, a homestead-feeling, yet the body (the collection of totems) had exchanges of its own, allowing me to discover myself in context of a no-self… The wording here is difficult to construct; there is so much ‘in’ the actual physical and spirit perception that cannot be transcribed into the conceptual or descriptive.)

Father thunder

One of the first purges of the night was a surprise, since I had been told that all of it had ‘left’ many ceremonies ago… It was a kind of residue-ball: Yage told me that I would soon purge my father’s anger and added that it would be easier if I were to lay down.

After the initial dry heaving, I apologized once again to my father for the anger I had caused him: I also felt that some of this collected-mass was given back to him, anger that had targeted me as an object of distraction or falsely blamed cause, though the energy had escaped or left him… Prematurely?

Avoiding conscience through blame and setting up comparative reasoning with the external world as the object or cause… We are often prisoners of being possessed by effects that we ‘think’ are causes.

Notes: Using getting angry at a child to self-medicate; creating a duplicate external-drama to match the unresolved shadow-echo within? Is the ultra-sensitive external anger/frustration an expression of the unconscious suffering within? When are we objects of others shortcomings? Mirrors? This was a short purge, quickly dispersed…

To know (heart-expansion) of/original intent. Healing without wanting to be seen healing.

The daylight prior

At the beginning of the day I spoke to Luco about my lower back problem, i.e., specifically the sacrum area; he suggested that I stretch during ceremony (after drinking the tea). I did this at two points in the ceremony. These stretches were my usual toe touches and standing back bends, with added serpentine arm/hand gestures and large-winged flight-gestures… Intuitively I was called to direct several of these ‘gestures’ as healing conduits towards the young woman who was joining us from the household staff this night for her first drink of Yage. I recall holding a pose towards her, with both hands side by side, fingers spread apart, subtly ‘humming’ from their interiors… (I may have sent her jewels.)

Gown of bats

Near mid-ceremony, while laying on my back, a large, dark mass appeared above me; intuitively (or my picking up a message that was embedded in it, telling of its owner/from where it came) I sensed this was some part of the energies delivered to me for ‘clearing’, i.e., the ‘effect’ of my wishing to help heal my friend…

I prayed to God, Ayahuasca, Sanango and all the other plants I knew by name, and those anonymous ones I could not know immediately this night that were in the brew, to give me the strength to open my heart wider/broader so to participate in the clearing/transformation of this ‘cloud’ (I did not wish to be ‘only’ an object effected by a subject.) I believe that at this point I briefly reached up into the air and with my hands spread apart, drew pure energies down from above to invest into me for this process…

My heart opened and out of it came collections of cigarette butts, old nails, toothpicks, misc. spines or sharp needles… I sensed that these were ‘actions,’ gestures, much of which I felt had taken place in my early childhood years/actions (though not exclusive to; also teenage and early twenties, etc.), mostly subconscious-effects, i.e., by my way of ‘giving to myself’ by interpreting others actions personally ‘to me’ without having empathy-aware, checking in with my own hypocrisies, the part that makes others the problem in the mirror. (Does ‘personally relating’ to others at an early stage (childhood and teenage years) come from the ‘habit’ of that auto-symbiotic relationship to Womb-mother?)

I began to make a flying gesture with my arms while laying down; a voice came to me and said, “These are her bats.” I began to take my heart energies, joy and healing intent through this mass of darkness, dispersing it/them, clearing the space of their congestion…

The drink of human

A thought/meditation occurred in me, concerning people who are superstitious, fearful or generally do not believe in taking natural substances for psychological/spiritual work: This stigma sat with me awhile, then the epiphany came that ‘The soul has drunk ‘human’’, i.e., with its incarnation into the flesh, that it has swallowed dividing cells that would/will eventually ‘encase it’ in an effect, a human sort of sober inebriation with the left and right hemispheres, with mind-opposites, ego, ephemeral issues, selfishness, blame, competition, etc.

Travel song

Original sin is not original.

During an incredible icaros by Luco, I had an amazing visual (an inner ‘movie’) of returning to the land of the souls and the realization, while going there, that I am all things, fairies, mermaids, animals, types of people, etc.

I felt, as I was traveling through this sort of time-space avenue, the destination pulling on me like a magnet, that this ‘being’ born as a human was some part of a timeless, supra-ancient duty/ritual/obligation… I had the quick vision of a friend of my mother’s returning to this land of souls too.

The later vision lent itself to a consideration of all those people in my life who are and had been diabetics; my father, my grandmother, my mother’s husband, a long ago roomate, etc. Another realization came to me, that the ‘sugar issue’ was due to an unresolved dilemma concerning the soul and the human form/expression/condition and the sweetness of the love available from us, the human race, to offer up to God and all sentient beings; that ‘refined sugar’ and ‘artificial sweeteners’ were icons of the human inner conflict condition, i.e., metaphors…

Kaleidoscope pause

I also received a vision/travel occurrence, finding myself hovering in the mid-point of a spacious place surrounded by a cylindrical display… Shown were all the various career types (talents, bodies, etc.) of human roles and possibly other forms on Earth as well: This place had no top or bottom, the focus was on the section of the ’tube’ that showcased human characteristics…

Soul estate

At another point I experienced myself as a sort of formless light-being with gold mansions, houses and estates of all shapes and sizes being born from my torso: another thought came to me that worldly riches are a kind of subconscious quest for the soul-house within, external affirmations/images as an inner-wishing mirror-looker seeking in the image it sees and not within what’s seeing.

Backwards

Midway through the ceremony Yage told me that the pain at my lower back was put there (sent there) by the man who was the last partner of my new friend I am trying to help heal; that it was sent to me out of envy/anger that she has found a sincere friend to confide and express her heart through… Ayahuasca told me that it would work on ‘removing him from me’ or ‘this from me.’ I experienced several deep dry heaves that stressed my lower spinal area via this particular discovery-purge…

Two snakes

Soon afterward, Yage would say, “There are two snakes in you that need to come out.” The light-present-clear energy dropped, I could feel the dark energies way down deep in me and even envisioned at least one of the purges as a snake being ‘rounded up’ and driven out…

She told me their names, ‘Mark’ and ‘Brian.’ At first I associated one to an acquaintance in California and the other, a now departed man who I briefly knew many years ago… (I thought I might have attracted his spirit since I had (several years past) lashed out at someone on a blog-site who I felt dishonored the circumstances surrounding his death (injustice, etc.), defending him, investing allot of severe/condensed emotional energy his way, i.e., on his behalf, though without ‘permission.’

For a moment I wondered whether we are darkly ‘invested in’ as we ‘invest outwards’ towards those we do not know and have not had their light-conscious permission to make their business ours (?) Is it that we somehow use that anonymous position to our ego’s advantage and theirs, subconsciously?

Then the purge dropped lower and I suddenly recalled two ‘friends’ I hung out with in high school: Although they teased me and even stole money one night when I hosted them at my father’s home because they were too drunk to drive, I stuck with them, compromising myself, my esteem, and inner joy for the sense of being wanted around (a very abstract sense/definition of want) or ‘in a click.’

Ayahuasca took me deep into this feeling of ‘compromise of self,’ even a sort of spirit-mutilation at the ‘hands’ of others’ ‘just kidding-sarcasm.’ [It was a difficult area to own up to and retrieve: Mark purged out quickly, Brian took nearly 30-40 minutes.]

Inside onion skins

As I was laying down, I felt as though Yage was taking my hands as her own, reaching towards me with incredible mercy and gentleness, beginning to strip/peel away thin ‘coverings’, ‘layers’ from my face/overall being-body… There were 2-4 of these very sensitive ‘skins’, like a series of nitroglycerin-coatings… Intuitively I felt that this could have been more difficult and thanked her at the end for the love and mercy clearly demonstrated/shown through these actions…

How can we all be wrong and live that rightly?

Second Chakra

Towards the middle of the ceremony I experienced a mental/intent connection to my solar-plexus; I consciously began making electrical pulses from there (a very old ability that came to me when I was in my early twenties) while pulling up energy from the sex-chakra (a Taoist perineum exercise that I learned a year or so ago.) I felt that something dramatic may occur, though this 2-3 minute event was very subtle, quiet, a sort of reminder of the ongoing transformation’s process’s nature of degrees. I experienced briefly a sensation of being a consciousness semi-surrounding or nearer the physical location of my third eye…

God message

At another stage, towards the ceremony’s end, I received a message, though strangely enough, it was as if another was speaking through me so to give the message to God (?) The message was, “Stop playing with the universe, put it down.”

After this, I remember that my consciousness stepped upwards, towards some different sort of celestial-presence/act of being: At this stage I experienced letting it all go, simply beholding beheld as I am; a vast unknown seemed accessible (If accessing the unknown even makes sense here? Nonetheless, the sensation was this.)

Love molting

A sudden, even higher seeming, more grounded shift occurred, where I found myself as pure love, the conscious embodiment in/of Love: I experienced myself as Love Sitting, I felt larger than human, though somewhat indistinct as a ‘mass’ or crafted-shape: It was as if I were a sort of ‘boulder-spirit’, smooth, stationed in Void/dark Space.

As I appeared as Love something incredible began to occur simultaneous to this love-being-manifestation, I began to shed ‘Human’, the world epidermis, incarnation-material, human qualities, attributes, etc. These began falling off of me like rust flakes, peeling and falling bark, layers of indistinct objects, etc. This went on for what felt like a timeless period (?) I have no estimation…

Water

At some point I settled back into ‘my name’ and felt that the distant music from the Friday night town celebrations were seeping into my experience of the medicine’s teachings and unnecessarily stressing something. This brought a distinct phrase from Yage for me to go and take a shower and stay in the Main House…

While washing, the same relation to my ‘new/regenerating body’ occurred, i.e., seeing it as a child a new creation, undefiled, wondering, as a conscious entity, ‘How? This story? This magic-carpet-skin? Soiled, once stained?’

Notes: Very few Shipibo designs were experienced tonight: Because of the new moon phase darkness (?) Hot and cold body temperatures throughout the ceremony: Feeling Sanango’s distinct, mid-ground presence; bodily shaking and a subtle taste of it from time to time. Being able to now go to bed and rest after ceremony (For the last two or three ceremonies.)

Skeleton needs

Towards the end of the ceremony a vision of many skeletons sitting in chairs came to me: I prayed again to God, thanked the plant spirits and looked inside for what was being called for (A slight ominous energy arrived here.) The skeletons seemed somewhat urgent, though quiet, with no specific ‘issues’ of personal message via Yage to teach… Soon I found myself adding to them organs, muscles, nervous systems, flesh, etc. They dissolved once I did this.

Note: My heart area physically hurt from time to time in ceremony. I traveled to the river alone this morning for the traditional submerging cleanse, beautiful solitary!

Red seeds and vertebrae on a string

Notes: (At the end of the ceremony.) Coming back into the Ceremony House to be with the girl experiencing Yage for the first time. After sitting near her for 5-10 minutes, a voice telling me to get the necklaces from the Mesa, that it was time for me to go. I was told by Luco that I could put these necklaces (I had originally bought for gifts; they consist of vertebrae of alligators or small anaconda and red, black spotted seeds) in the ceremony Mesa (his collection of crystals, stones, talismans, etc. that are stationed at his feet during each ceremony) and that afterward could use them for protection.

Once putting them on I did sense a presence, though feel not entirely ‘genuine’ right now to describe the visuals as objective, etc., since it could have been my mind fulfilling expectations outside the Yage zone’s functioning… I will wear them during ceremonies and see if they ‘Speak for themselves.’

Physical, pressure point massaging of my chest, eyes, neck/throat and head. (Not entirely my knowing-consciousness doing this.) Especially a delicate pressing and adjustments around the eyes; sensed as another Yage-medium through my hands…

My hand going over chakra areas and checking their ‘emotions’ and ‘health’. Vaguely I recall experiencing the white radiance of Yage’s inner temple and a further ratcheting down of the message, ‘Keep my temple holy and pure.’ A sense of a celibacy path arriving; further plans to return to continue this work here in Peru… The faint message concerning my question about the shaman apprenticeship, i.e., a voice answering/saying, “You’ve always been one.”

A deepening of the dance and healing hand/body gestures… More intent and being with the medicine/deeper integration… Experiencing from time to time the dimming of joy, like a lighthouse in forest fire smoke.

Going back into the Ceremony House and experiencing at the doorway entrance, the diamond-hands aspect (visually and information-ally). Being more careful (after my Yage lessons this night) of my space with her (the first-time drinker of Yage) in the C.H. From the ‘two snake lessons’ (how psychic/spirit ‘substances’ get transferred.) Making a lotus shape in the air (small and large). Stretching prior to the ceremony. An eternal prayer-thanks goes out to God, my parents, Yage, Luco and my friends…

Ceremony 17

2009-10-14T15:06:00.000-07:00

October 10, 2009

For you my friend.
We are made of star dust.

Tonight’s ceremony is/was dedicated to the healing of a new friend and looking deeper into our meeting…

This was a most incredible setting! Lots of exclamation points… Starting out in the boat near 7PM, on the way we found a tall stick plunged into the deep mud at the bottom of the Rio Ucayaci river; this was initially set in as an anchor point for boats similar to ours (smaller fishing boats carved from single trees; ours is a large panel boat.)

Taking this pole, we set it horizontally across the front of the boat, brought it to our new anchor point and replanted it so to tie off a chain to it… Curiously enough the stick ended up being a sort of staff to me, since at its top it had a 3-4 prong outcrop of ‘fingers’ where an orb could have been mounted (if you‘re a romantic); an incredible coincidence on such an endeavor as this one, to have an ayahuasca ceremony on the water while anchored amongst the stars, jungle nocturne life and in the middle of the river, no where near shore…

It may have been the setting and my desire to see the famed pink dolphins, still, there was a hint of Mermaid-medicine in the air, something that came to my mind moments after we had tied the chain off…

The sky was perfect, the stars were crystal clear, giving way to a deep seeing into the depths of our solar system; on this night I witnessed what Jeff described as the “galactic center” and long masses of cloud-like collections of stars: the brightest one being Jupiter.

Alberto’s (the teacher-shaman to Luco) son went with us on this night and drank the medicine with us.

The new brew

I began the ceremony by stating again my intent to dedicate it to healing my new friend in the states… Also some of my father’s material surfaced briefly and my mother’s as well, though this was very vague, unspecific…

At the beginning of the ceremony a voice said that tonight we would be purging all of my first sexual encounters: visions and emotional states would soon surface connected to these ‘time frames’. I also felt a second message imbedded in this one, that this ‘clearing’ was occurring so to ‘start over’ with a clean slate, to begin at zero, with another body of law and being.

Something very similar to what occurred with the ceremony for my mother’s healing occurred here, in that I felt a ‘general mass’ of energies coming together and waiting to be processed in/through me. Allot of long yawns and deep ‘being with’ the heavy waves of anonymous ‘stuffs’ (buckets of anger) occurred. I also found myself sighing allot, feeling the thickness and slow moving nature of this densely accumulating energy.

At the very beginning of this process, it seemed as though I heard a voice saying/calling my friend “stupid” (a strong masculine belittling of her, etc.: Like a recording of/from the past.) Note in my journal: ‘The typical masculine instincts’ fear of being disarmed by the feminine heart-conscience?’

The sensation of being pregnant with purge-material (?) The thought that I was pregnant at one time with my new friend (a mother), though I dismissed this in the moment as a fleeting sci-fi experience/imagining, yet it occurred, at least on the symbolic level (We are all pregnant with our friends and ‘enemies’.)

Luco sung icaros from time to time, though so much of this journey was one of beholding, quiet looking.

My joking that people were smoking the ‘eye of the tiger,’ since the end of the cigarette looked like one in the dark. The laughter over the new sound we heard from the jungle nearby, that it was a ‘Rat Shaman’ and how he’d perform ventiatas with a series of whip-sounds via its tail, etc. (A few comments about a possible Cat Shaman as well; purring ventiatas, etc.) A beautiful exchange between people; soft, meditative and accepting: Luco‘s laughter!

Hearing the sounds of large fish jumping out of the water, birds and faint music from a distant town…

Light houses and Dark houses

At the beginning of the ceremony, while still sitting at the mid-point of the boat, I received a message; a voice told me that every time a person experiences solo-sex with themselves (masturbation), that they call into themselves spirits and souls. These souls (disincarnate) collect and gather, creating more and more as the drama of separation deepens. Self medicating by staying sick and dependant (?) on relief (?) [In my journal I underlined the word ‘physical’ twice. Possibly a reference to the human body as a temple of memory and actions/circumstances of a person’s being partly based on these collections, etc. (?)]

Called to the front

For a time I sat at the middle of the boat and purged by dry heaving a little, while the onset of the ‘collected disharmonies’ was subtle, slow going… Soon Luco would ask me to come up front and sit, to be in the company of the others and see the view; the stars reflecting in the surface of the water was incredible! It was as if the boat was suspended in outer Space.

In the front… Standing up and beholding the vast starry
clusters, sensing deeply that we are made of star dust and are all from ‘up there’, formed and settling down here for an undisclosed amount of time…

While holding onto the anchor-pole, I experimented by sending out energy into the river via a sense that I had that it could be similar to a tuning-fork at this time; calling/trying to connect with the dolphins and towards any other benevolent spirits (mermaids/fairies). Intentional activation of my solar plexus area; sending these pulses through the pole and into the clay/river’s basin…

Once again, water called to me strongly during this ceremony; at times I would play with it in my hands, put it on my face, head and chest… I also found myself drawing diagrams in it and sending these sketches out into the ripples: it was amazing how such an all moving liquid seemed to stay still for these drawings to occur in.

Hanging my head over the edge of the boat and looking into the water while laughing a little…

Allot of my time throughout this ceremony was spent beholding the stars… (Star material looking at star material.)

A voice told me that man was God’s sperm and woman God’s egg: I received distant feelings concerning the primordial sense of separation that is somehow recorded in the opposite sexes, a sense that creates the drama of trying to get together and ‘be’ ‘Till death do we part.’

Ironically, I felt on this night that it was at the beginning of human form that the separation was commenced, that parting was a sort of marriage to Divorce and some cosmic dance’ beginning…

A Medium and nothing too.

A memory, of standing on the boat, looking at the stars with a strong present sense of my feet being ‘on’ the boat, planted, between solid earth and airy sky, while holding the anchor-stick that connected/fastened me energetically to the Earth by way of its being stuck in the river base-mud/clays… An incredible sensation of paradoxical existence!

The sensation of redemption: Seeing Shipibo designs and Jeff’s head as a mass of little eyes looking up at the stars.

My hands being covered in diamonds; the ‘dance’ that occurred between my two hands, spontaneous, as if they had souls and a beingness all their own, i.e., a deep and profound beholding of their objective relationships to one another through the emotions of gesture-language (The right and left hemispheres dancing?) With this, I sense that Yage is/was teaching me more about healing with my hands, though through a very abstract-modality/mood-way of intimate language.

No opposite thinking: Sensing that we are each from different soul-clans, that there are playful spirits, getting into everything and inquisitive, while another is a star-gazer, etc. My sensing of a different shape of body and appearance beneath the shadowed human(s) I was witnessing this night on the boat.

Sensing the utter humiliation and awe that we souls, who can encompass the beingness of our galaxy’s center, can be so caught up in the small affairs of daily life, fleeting, ever changing and no where near as eternal-sensed and vital as a beginning point of departure/return as the heavens and the experienced wonder-place (?)

An ever deepening sense of being the beholder, experiencing and furthering my roots into the body of Life…

I recall a brief sense of the ‘Reciprocal Maintenance’ that Gurdjieff speaks of and how the forms of life and life transcribed as Death, go around and around…

Seeing 3-4 shooting stars… (Jeff mentioned later that all stars are suns and that falling stars are dying suns.)

Night travel on the Rio Ucayaci

Birds passing (sometimes whitish bats flying in pairs) over the river in the dark as we boated home. The scent of the jungle at night, so subtle and distinctly layered with floral, peat, leaves and boggy scents, incredible!

On the way back I filmed us traveling by the river banks lit up by a single halogen light mounted at the front of the boat. Once again, I saw the white/light gray bats in pairs and singular, following the boat, crisscrossing over to the other side…

Walkers of the upside down

The idea came to me that God is both ‘the shape’ and its ‘reflection’ and that the water held all forms, yet possessed none of its own.

The reflection in the water of the shoreline’s plant life, trees, etc. was astounding, it was as if there was an entire upside down world beneath its twin-surface one; an intuition came to me that wandering, darker energies and spirits dwelled down there, walking upside down, caught momentarily in their ‘walks of life.’ (?)

The thought came to me that participation with Ayahuasca is a way to purge the ‘Painbody’ and slowly return to the state of original perceptions: from here so much can be learned, experienced…

Nearing the moving shore

Getting off the boat, we’re all still in the ayahuasca zone, particularly once setting foot on the Earth/standing up so to walk a distance to get home...

Notes: Jeff and I hilariously laughing and walking back/staggering (the earth was moving as I first stepped off the boat) along the roadway to the Main House from the docks; smiling and joking… My creation of a Mr.T impersonation in relation to ‘pitying the fool that drinks a full cup on his first ceremony’ and ‘pitying the fool who crimps the shaman’s style by asking for another cup when he (the shaman) wants to go to bed.’

Sensing that I ought to take more than my usual dose during the next ceremony (with this particular new brew in mind/spirit.)

Experiencing (possibly due to Sanango and the purging/healing session) unusual aches in my neck and a slight headache.

The sense of an internal creation occurring by way of abstaining from sexual activity; that Yage effects the libido and is using the energy to assist in creating something new within (?) It is also leading this ‘shift of attention’.

Feeling/visualizing a large burning third eye within my head; perceiving in coexistence with this image-being; not tactile, more silent, wordless-slow…

Later this day we’d take a different boat into Iquitos (the aluminum speed boat)… Luco’s children rode with us, along with Mausha, Kenney and Luco. A deep appreciation of Luco resonates this morning (4AM) as I am finishing these notes at the hotel in Iquitos; how love is done, that talk is cheap and that he’s truly an inspiration for us all, to do the deeds of love and remain patiently silent about the plans…

Ceremony 16

2009-10-14T14:58:00.001-07:00

October 9, 2009

Stirring the oceans of me.

I am recording this late, hoping that the delay has not taken too much from my memory of an extraordinary deepening in the spiritual path of ayahuasca that’s merging with this human and cosmic consciousness within me.

I dedicated this night’s ceremony towards ‘being for’ my mother’s birthday present; I wished to be a receptacle of her ‘dark material’, i.e., to be the transformer of its stagnations, to heal her of past traumas, hurt, confusion, etc.

I wished to have whatever amount could be given to me, to transform it away and relieve her of any amount of hurt I could. Yage would later tell me that I had received “Buckets of filth.” (I also sensed that this ‘material’ was part and parcel belonging to each soul who is participating in a human incarnation, no matter what the external appears to be; even diamonds cast shadows...)

The night started with a little humor, in that I had the earliest bathroom visit to date; it seems that my body responded to the medicine right away, before I even drank, i.e., simply watching it being poured and drank… This was the last ceremony before the new batch was to be brewed on Saturday; we plan to have Ceremony 17 (my 17th) on the Rio Ucayali river, in the boat…

When drinking my dose, I had the clear intent to go into this with my mother exclusively in heart, soul and mind.

Tonight was incredible in so many ways: One was that Luco did ventiatas (holy healing chants, accompanied by the leaf-fan) for everyone, including Bill and Mausha (the two visitors). Mausha did not drink, though this could not impede Luco’s availability… The icaros were beautiful, particularly a new one that included allot of whistling.

Yage reminded me of how I’ve changed via my personal joy; how I am available and that the consequences of my day to day actions are more pure since I have been trying to follow her precepts, suggestions, etc.

Later Ayahuasca would (very soberly) compliment me about my retrieval of the ego-material concerning the time I had stated to a friend my ‘experience-qualifications’ for understanding life (my trying to reinforce a stance in a discussion); she also reminded me about the ‘borrowed nails and a couple tools’ (Of which I replaced today and handed to a builder.)

Yage said that there would be more work on this night, continuing the chakra adjustments from the previous ceremonies…

Green dancer

While sitting on my mat; the incredible dancing taking place with her (Ayahuasca) in me: Feeling her body (manifesting as a naked, female human). I recall hearing her say, “I am no whore, I am the bringer of life to this Earth.” (My body as ‘Earth’?)

I was told that ‘the material’ of my mother’s was being gathered and that I would process it in degrees throughout the night.

When dancing, something in me (a bit lioness-like) was noticing the rising moon; its light shinning directly on me and the feeling that this light somehow was helping to open up my chest chakra or heart (?)

My dancing with her bare body somewhat superimposed on me or molecularly/electronically ‘grafted/woven’ to me…

Again, feeling the moonlight entering my chest, breathing deep and sensing a process had begun between myself and the moon’s light, its ‘personal power’…

Looking into the moon, like an animal of some kind; pure primal-ish presence, pure awe and quiet excitement about what the moment may bring… (Neutral, no thoughts, pure frisky energy and a calm thrill.)

Looking at my hands and arms, seeing their bejeweled surfaces.

Several moments occurred with dry-heave purging; allot of gastro-purging, yawning and waiting… Seeing the usual Shipibo designs, though they did not last as long into this night.

Waving to oceans

Prior to this ventiata, Luco performed one for Paul, who was also experiencing his purge during about the same time-frame as myself: Being so close in proximity to him, I shared in his ventiata and felt Yage’s joy within me at the operating going on between the shaman and Paul…

When Luco got to me and did a ventiata over/in front of me, I felt that the shaking of the leaf fan and his dynamic was stirring ancient (even prehistoric) oceans up inside me, churning and merging them into one another; I also sensed afterwards that the ventiata had cleared out the remaining ‘received-material’ of my mother’s.

It was during this ventiata that I experienced, with a different sort of sacred clarity and reign on my inner emotions, a deep humbleness, surrender and innocence…

The aura of sacredness was immense! Luco’s quiet, deeply rooted love was inseparable from all the other qualities merging together to bring about a total surrender to the medicine’s will, its ruling kingdom of knowing me, showing, and offering. Luco’s commitment and consistency in ceremony, while under all sorts of changing daytime circumstances, is truly inspiring!

To let go: With my head bowed down as far as my neck would allow, within this ventiata, I felt that I had finally arrived at total surrender to Yage.

The sounds from the leaf fan are incredible ‘deliverers’; I cannot rightly explain this feeling today, though I can say that it carries to the person some sort of real ‘vibrational operation’, i.e., a change in inner patterns, possibly the central nervous system, brain routes and general psychic make-up, if there is such an outline/pattern to the psyche (?)

A curious icon

There was a moment when an unusual theme came into my consciousness, introducing itself as a voice having a personal connection to me, stating that, “I am a solid gold toilet who is always pure and clean because I can flush and hold nothing in: I am not broken.”

A subtle experience: This becoming a solid gold vessel for containing ‘buckets of filth’ and ‘holding it’, flushing it, etc. All that this ‘holding’ implies… Incredible! Within the yage-dimension, I find it amazing that such icons form, images that in ordinary reality we’d dismiss as silly or too bizarre to relate to, yet, tonight, this image was as much of a holy supreme icon as the Ark of the Covenant or Holy Grail.

Being a mother to my mother

Much of this ceremony-time was spent laying down and being with my mother’s material: it seems that Yage kept it ‘impersonal’, so far as the literal translation of the material I was receiving a general mood from, translating it to me as energy, emotional mass, volume and mood; not many visuals…

There was one moment when I looked down and found myself involuntarily holding out my two hands, with palms up, as if to support a child in my lap… A slight visual materialized depicting a long, decayed vertebrae, though no head (?) The totality of the image may have been faded at its terminations (?) The main image that I now feel was being communicated was the ‘backbone of a situation.’

To this image, I applied love, patience, openness of heart, healing intent, etc. My right hand started making serpentine gestures, traveling up and down (through) the image, as if to disperse its solid-ness, to achieve transparency; eventually it dissolved, transforming into a long piece of thread-like material that I took in my two forefingers and thumbs, lifted it up, making a smiling-face-gesture of it, and then softly let it go into the air, like blowing on a dandelion… A very mystical and subtle ‘operation’, a sort that I do not recall ever participating this deeply with, i.e., using so many parts of myself to be with and to bring change to…

Later Yage would add that some of this ‘material’ was being accumulated inside me and that I’d purge further on into the ceremony while going to the bathroom… I recall feeling the sensation of earthy-saturation, like having ‘grounds’ inside me (my belly) where ‘things’ were seeping into me there, collecting, waiting, like a septic tank (without the drama of what we’d usually associate with this underground ‘place’, since it wasn’t gross, dark or spooky.)

Beholding my maintained state of deep joy-consciousness as I moved through this song/dance-intent to process my mother’s material; telling her and my father (plus my step-mother Penny and my step-brother Chris, including all those who have ever hurt me, that I loved them, forgave them, etc.)

The moment of wishing my mother Happy Birthday.

Note: I feel that the ‘decaying vertebrae’ may have belonged to Michael Anthony Cornett (my half-brother and my mother‘s first born son, who lived to be fifteen minutes old.

Blue rayed eyesight

I experienced an awakening within myself to a higher ‘opening vision’, a sort of inner vista as myself, a being of myself (literally illuminated from within.) While being inside/with this light, a phosphorescent aspect of my being, I was reminded and taken back to the time of my earliest out of body experiences, specifically when I found myself completely outside looking around my room (at my father’s home in Winchester, VA, at the age of about 11 or 12) with blue radiant eyesight, as if I had two mini flashlights imbedded in my eyes…

A sort of ‘coming complete circle’ seemed vaguely the case here, though I am not sure… I also sensed that I had a different shape of physical body while with this vision/seeing/being, though cannot say exactly what it was, more aquatic though, similar to an upright hammerhead shark or manta ray-ish (?)

Jacob is not alone.

The sense that Ayahuasca is a/the sort of angel that Jacob wrestled with.

When thinking about Rumi’s story of Mohammad changing the King’s soiled bed sheets, (He (the King) had a dream of soiling himself and awoke to having actually done this: It is curious that this also happens within Yage ceremonies too.) Yage would later tell me that, “I was him too.” (Meaning the Mohammed of Rumi‘s fable.)

I felt the sacredness of processing the buckets of filth and that we each have this faculty within us to offer one another… (Possibly even the holy love-duty to achieve the mastering of this craft in one of our life-times, i.e., in our own By-deed-way.)

Ceremony; when a rising sun is
our setting sun, the ceasing of a night’s ‘day’.

Notes: The beautiful journey into town prior to ceremony. An anonymous little girl running to me, open arms, wishing a hug and embracing, smiling. (Later, in ceremony, this would bring a profound inner illumination to me, i.e., concerning the attraction of the feminine, a living sign of a subtle shift and an inner-feminine healing process occurring/ongoing alive.)

The ceremony ended at about 1:30 AM/3.5 hours. Bill, a visitor, commented that it was the best ceremony he’d attended so far on his journeys here in Peru.

A ‘picture’ came to me about a design change for the cottage I am building here (the roof).

As the ceremony was winding down, Paul and I went back into the Ceremony House to be with David, since he was still going through his journey-process; we try not to leave anyone alone in the CH while they‘re still deeply ‘in the teaching-zone.’ Further into the morning I would lay down on my mat and massage my lower back/coccyx with the obsidian stone; I also placed it over my throat, heart, mid-chest, sternum, sex and head chakras: I experienced falling asleep in the CH by myself for the first time…

Early morning: Taking a cold shower (Actually that’s all there is here.) and soaping up/rinsing, feeling that I am being prepared by small degrees to be the keeper of Ayahuasca’s residence in me: sensing that my body is now being shared, that I am hosting a room where one of God’s angels resides from time to time. (How to describe this ’No Vacancy’ sign? Yet, there is ‘room’ within the room, i.e., while following the lessons.)

While on the way to Ceremony 17

I wrote these additional notes to Ceremony 16, sitting in the boat, traveling up the Rio Ucayaci river ~

Seeing a Shipibo-like matrix of daisy designs (From the inner Little Boy within me, i.e., that realm of action/being?) It was while I was briefly standing up in ceremony (quietly collecting my inner-stance) that I noticed this.

Careful-love-space.

Envisioning my mother as a little girl.

The smiling, blossoming baby.

Feeling protected by Sanango.

A sense that finding (rediscovering) my personal joy was actually the biggest event so far (and not the ‘Prostitute of Poetry’ revelations.) This joy-state remains as my lighthouse and love-transformer throughout ceremonies.

Reconfirming Yage-agreements about standards of living/being.

Again, making the antennae hand-signs towards the sky and lotus shapes near my belly and sex, while feeling a sort of energetic investment occurring from above.

Going over to David after the main part of the ceremony purge was over; intuitions to move back to a place of simple company, being, sensing that Yage was between us, in him and that there was something still occurring in the zone between malevolent energies (I could smell) and the medicine’s will.

Feeling the deep gratefulness to have Yage in me, integrated, dancing and helping me change my life.

Sensing wholly for the first time that Ayahuasca is a true spiritual discipline (comparable to Tibetan Buddhism). This ‘sense’ was more profound and stated in my heart than ever before as a reality being lived.

The vast feeling that I am a sentient soul, i.e., a light-being, not of this world-origin, in it, though waking to what I was prior to this incarnation, pre-human characteristics of my being…

Investing yellow flowers and surrounding my mother (her as a child) with jewels/flowers: saying to her and my father that, “I give you all the flowers I have. I do not want her to have this material, this pain.” Sending duplicate wishes towards my father: Quietly lounging in the mist of suffering-residue.

Sensing that I was purging her material into starry space, via my looking into the dark purge-bowl (and how the container’s void changed at this moment to my perceiving.)

Helping Dolly (one of the house/ceremony assistants, who does not drink the tea with us) with Paul’s purge-bowl; the sense of love and togetherness, soft and quiet work.

Ayahuasca telling me to heal with my hands and that it would teach me. (I briefly envisioned the later role that I may be heading towards, i.e., that of helping others by this yet to be taught craft.)

Sending healing energies to Paul during his ventiata with Luco…

Drinking the triple chamomile tea after ceremony-time: sensing that Yage was happy with this flower in my belly and that it was what she had wished for my body.

Using the shower water to wash… (A kind of purge?) The rinsing water has become an integral ‘tool’ for/during many of my ceremonies (Especially going to completely submerge in the nearby river.) Also the shedding of my clothes afterwards into the laundry basket, even if they are ‘perfectly’ clean, i.e., not wearing them twice.

My joy is my found, my residence, my home and my secure.

Feeling that there has been a definite shift so far as honoring people’s boundaries.

The epiphany that the world approaches me as I approach it; that I have much more positive power within than caution. Refinement. Love is progressive, while control is circular.

Ceremony 15

2009-10-11T19:29:00.000-07:00

October 7, 2009

Trust in God’s medicine.

I went into this ceremony with the specific intent to heal my mother, father and a new friend. The way into this, I would never have guessed it, i.e., by entering my father’s material, his inheritances as an incarnated soul (in) the masculine-human condition, his family dynamics (mother, father, grandmother and brother), his collective shame, his suffering and yearning for maternal/feminine affection, his not being able to get enough or of a certain innate quality of feminine love/appreciation, etc. (Perhaps when quality isn’t there, then quantity becomes a self-medicating device/lifestyle?)

I stretched (toe touches) before and during the immersion into the Yage-fields…

I experienced my inherited shame as well; a masculine ‘half’ of an ancient-whole-story. It seemed that my part of this ancestral-puzzle was dropped in from time to time as a reminder that I am ‘in it’ too, though having an opportunity to work it out, to unravel and slowly fuse the puzzle together into a cohesive emotional sensitivity for unconditional love’s application.

The game of putting the pieces together and having them scattered to the wind can cease through this medicine’s application/modalities…

Yage told me at the beginning of the ceremony that my chakras were going to be opened (cleared).

This process began with allot of dry heaving/purging of my father’s material, ancestral shame…

I received a message from Ayahuasca that something was stuck in my throat-chakra.

Luco came over during the last stages of this purge to assist; I experienced convulsions in my back, neck and head… He briefly massaged the back of my neck with one hand while shaking the leaf fan with the other and chanting.

Sensing a round rainbow in my throat-chakra area after Luco helped me with the purge: Also sensing it in other chakra areas…

Later in the night he’d sing icaros while including our names in them… I heard icaros on this night that I had not heard before; Luco’s son (Hulcker) drank with us on this night: Brotherly love. Recalling Samuel (the night guard) chasing the rat outside with a stick early on in the ceremony beginning.

Luco also addressed each ceremony attendee, telling us what tonight’s ceremony healing was about/for, i.e., what theme the medicine was concentrating on. He mentioned to me that it was ‘for my family’, he was absolutely right!

The dance of tough love.

Elimination through the usual ‘ports.’ Feeling that some-thing yellow was moving through me (finding and clearing the gray areas within.) Not sure what is was (?) Caterpillar, boa, etc.?

Heightened smell during and after ceremony.

There was allot of psychic material to purge (not so much literal subjects, events, etc.): Being purged through applying the presence of my rediscovered joy, I am (an ‘I Am-here with this as mine to heal, to own up to’) and placing present-conscience to the dark mists of shame and deep inheritance of this ’world as body.’

Also applying it to the syrup feeling of slow time, woven and unweaving, that had set in on me as I lay there with my face over the purge-bucket, off and on for several hours…

A voice came to me and said that going through this would heal the feminine. (By healing the masculine.)

Further into Father-realms

The immense subject of ’Closets of Pain’. How we create them; inner tombs of shame, etc. The holy application of conscious contemplation of Collective Forms/colors/moods/modalities of suffering. Praying that the revelations I had received would in some way be channeled to my father, mother, step-mother, friends, etc.

The shame felt by the realization that much of what I have done in my life, particularly for others, was not always asked for; that some ‘giving’ is a form of trespassing…

While in this dark ‘mist of shame,’ I experienced accessing the Inner-child and going into the White Cathedral of Yage… (To collect some reprieve?)

A key

I found on ‘key’ to the resentment that I sensed was keeping me from being grateful for my parents (or family unit as it was then: I am referencing Ceremony 14). This was the vision and partial re-living of a moment in my early childhood (fifth grade) when my father sat down with me and said that he was going to marry who would be my future step-mother… He also asked me if this was ok, though I recall sensing that he was going to do it either way, regardless of my say-so… I could sense that it was a symbolic formality. I also sensed his shame in relation to my real mother. (My re-experiencing of that emotional state.) A guilty conscience about what could have been if his actions were different?

I am experiencing an incredible growth in managing the medicine.

I am not ultimately a being of the desert.

While sitting in the rocking chair (in ceremony) I experienced the sense (visual and emotionally) of thorns appearing all over my body (like a cactus). I cleared away these with patience and a kind of knowing-trust in myself that does not involve mind activity.

I also experienced a phenomenon within me that communicated that I was developing a solid gold spinal cord in that moment.

Experiencing (this may have occurred in the hammock) the sensation of traveling, moving away from the Earth, through the atmosphere, out into Space; a neutral sensation, no specific information, plot, place, etc.

Postscripts from Grandmother Yage

Notes: Yage telling me to keep the temple clean/pure. Asking God fro guidance, protection, to assist with the aspects of applying love, wisdom, gratefulness and tolerance.

My seeing/perceiving as a cosmic-being-creation; ancient, realized as an incarnation here in this set of circumstances…

Thoughts/feelings concerning the esoteric school I belonged to; its teaching of the ‘effects’ of consciousness and my eventual need for Cause, i.e., to have cause and become it (or as we’d say in the school, to become ‘first force’) to align my lifestyle where I am a constant first force, no affirmation-dependency.

Envisioning inside me a gold-bullion spiral staircase.

Yage told me that ‘Sex is joyous.’ I intuited after this that it was not to be used for attachment, dependence, expression of expectations, control, anger/stress management, relief from expectations of the future and past, or the creation of Temples of Shame, energetic/psychic slavery, the drama celebration of The Irritation of Opposites, etc.

Suspended Pearls

In the hammock after ceremony.

Sensing that I was peeling off the ‘Skin of the Whore.’ The Prostitute of Art; seeing self-expression as a possible form of soul-virus, disenchantment from the self who is formless, not dependant on this physical incarnation for its peace, being, contentment, power, etc. (I would say that this ‘feeling’ about self-expression is not the only way life is lived/expressed as an artist, though it is prevalent…)

There was a point in the early morning hours where the ‘Red hot anger’ came back; this may have been the point where I began to pray and go into the White Cathedral of Yage. (?)

At home in my body. Waves of deep contemplation. Listening to it raining outside (also during the ceremony). Going outside and looking up at the storm-cloud-canopy, saying, “What are you waiting for?” Drawing the eye symbol on the ground and putting my hand over the four-way-split retina portion, sensing the Earth’s skin, giving to Gaia my healing intent/actuality, companionship-intent…

Feeling my chest-chakra-area, sensing the ‘Line of Chakras’, seeing (internally) white-like large pearls suspended in biomorphic masses within me (inner jewels).

The furthering of the feeling that deep work was occurring at the base of my spine… (root-chakra?)

Experiencing (This is common to all of my Yage ceremonies) the reconciliation of the left and right hemispheres, i.e., the third eye state of beholding, sensing,
contemplation, etc.

40/40

Still in the hammock…

An awesome sense of enthroned god-head.

The meditation on my total incarnation of forty years; sensing its shedding away and something completed. Suddenly having it related to the biblical ‘40 days and 40 nights in the desert (and the ‘resurrection.’) Having the epiphany that the ‘desert’ has/is the forty years in a human bound mind/cellular body-incarnation and all that this implies for the soul to have endured and is becoming realized out of it. (My 41st birthday is this October 15th.)

I originally wrote in my journal, that ‘…this (biblical passage) could refer to the soul’s incarnation into a body, a place where talent can distract from ‘being responsible for what little one has.’ ’ Ayahuasca told me to do this*, i.e., to ask for permission, to stop ‘borrowing’ things without asking; references to tools, etc. (*Referring to being responsible for what little I really have.)

The clear space of zero-affirmations: my body is the planet I am ‘on’. Massaging my

Having the observation/information come to me concerning the Egyptians treatment of funeral-items; being the incarnation and symbols of the mesh (the in between that merges Life and Death as one-being-here.) The Egyptians’ holy embellishment of Death, living endings…

Sensing/experiencing the time in the night/morning when the roosters begin to crow, an acknowledgement of some planetary shift (?) There was a brief glimpse of something happening on Jupiter (this planet and roosters?)

The sensation of being reconciled.

The feeling (and vague visual) that the lion-armed-boa was to my left and the dove on my right.

Sensing my ancient trail, the walking of this path (?) Yet, there is no information accompanying this ’reason’ or theme of being the traveler.

The vision of a world transition, the ultimate ceasing of the Wheel of Life (procreation); the inner transformation of the creative impulse for transcending the world of opposites, of Maya (chaos, desire & pain, war, fear and desire, etc.)

Being clear with my new friend about the companionship; keeping it out of romance and self expression without anchorage and responsibility of self, heart-conscience, resolved inner self-needs, etc.

Purging the memory/event-remnants of the night Laura (my second wife) and I were together for the last time. Deep remorse of conscience; applying joy, humility, trust, being and the sense that my inner state was one of payment for these hurtful times (redemption).

While spending some time at the dining table with one of the apprentices, who was very nauseous since he couldn’t throw up yet; I sent a brief healing intent to them through the same dual-hand gestures experienced with the young woman, though this time I sensed that it was not meant to be…

Prior to this ‘sense’, I had intuitively ‘scanned’ him internally and saw that his stomach was churning afire and that images of some dark sexual ‘material’ (sexual healing subjects-images) was being prepared for purge (though I have not verified that this was the case with him at that moment.)

I ‘disconnected’ and had the realization again that each is their own ‘galaxy of I am’, silhouetted black holes of the All Possible.

I experienced a further purge in the bathroom after ceremony: Observing my stomach muscles moving involuntarily to the intelligences of the medicine’s will of purge.

The realization that writing poetry was also a sort of ‘effect’ from a sexual energy ‘cause’, an attempt to heal, though kept a circular chain intact, hope, planning, etc. No fundamental change of results (in this circle). A sense that ‘free will’ is a kind of slavery, where masters are paradoxically dependant on slaves for their ’expressions.’

How we cannot know what was ‘in between the lines’ of/for the ancients.

A deep re-emersion into ‘Taking care of the little bit I have.’

The revelation that gemstones are innately related to the composition of the soul, the astral body.

Going to bed

While laying in bed listening to my Ipod. Envisioning Aya-sculptures, illustrations, etc. The chrome-plated infant statue that would reflect the viewer and possibly have some sort of geometric design on it; a jewel too… More inspirations to paint and drawings of skeleton material and flowers.

Experiencing an incredibly deep resonance with the icaros of Don Evangelino Murayay; the dancing and inner movements to this music. The Ayahuasca plant-spirit was definitely expressing itself through/with me; ‘her’ happiness was my happiness.

On my way to the river the next morning.

There was a group of men by the first bridge trying to get a water buffalo out of the stream bed, while having tethered it to a long strap… I saw that one of the men was wearing a shirt that had an illustration of a comic-cat face; below this caricature was a sentence that read, “We would like to personally thank your mother.” (It is her birthday this week.)

Alberto (Luco’s previous mentor/teacher-shaman) was there watching/hanging out… As I stood on the bridge next to the buffalo, looking at it, it finally stepped uphill and out…

While in the river, about to rinse off after the ceremony process, I heard something coming through the water just around the corner and thought it would be a person; instead, it was a huge, horned female cow. It walked towards me, then across the river and up a hillside: Once on top it let out a big moo and I took this as my cue to submerge underwater…