Ceremony 12

September 29, 2009

Slow Down



Towards the end of Ceremony 11, Ayahuasca mentioned to me that she would teach me something about ‘The Arts’ and did. I would say that this ceremony, overall (so far), has been the most significant one to date in overall effect upon my way of inner life. The impact of this session was mind boggling and took on an emotional feeling of a personal-world dissection.

Early on in this ceremony I experienced a multitude of back to back images appearing to my inner vision, radiant motifs; they were of me laying down in a position similar to a mummy pose, surrounded by bright, metallic-built mandala-outlines of various alloys and configurations, taking off into deep space/sky; I was outfitted, carrying these ‘frames’ with me, disappearing into the vanishing point. Many different modalities of design, incredibly beautiful to behold… No information followed these images, they’d simply manifest, like blossoming species of flowers and then start traveling away from sight, as if caught up in a kind of cosmic, invisible undertow…

At the start of the ceremony, while sitting down, I danced deeper than I have ever before; making serpentine gestures with my hands and arms, swaying with my torso, reaching towards the sky, being played like an instrument by the Icaros and surrendering to the Shaman’s singing…


Beginnings


The purge began, as I saw hanging over me, a plush/lush ‘Ceiling of Purge’, i.e., lush bulging, emerald green fabric or a sort of living-upholstery, with a central symbol (?) Possibly symbolizing Sanango? It also had, spaced apart like a leather chair, deeply set buttons, fastening the ’fabric’ down in places, creating concavities and convexes. I lay there, experiencing the profound intelligence of the purge, the absolute ‘fact’ of its inevitability. To surrender to the purge, however its form unfolds, is always a deeply humbling process and usually marks the beginning of those primary lessons that Yage plans to teach.

This night’s most profound revelation showed itself throughout several deep, long drawn out stages of contemplation, examples, inhales, exhales, times of introspection and inspection by Yage‘s teaching and my watching/feeling those lessons. It began with Ayahuasca creating a sort of ’sign’ or ’Icon of Warning’ for my inner eye to behold, like a huge street sign on ‘the path’ in Space. Additionally there appeared a verbal message, one that said, ‘This is a warning!’ to my mind’s ear. This warning was immense for my conscience to take in all at once, and without reservations; it felt like a cosmic sized caution beacon sounding out, into my personal landscape, one that seemed to gain precedence immediately… This lesson arrived fully prepared!

With the caution-icon in my mind‘s eye, I looked at it, this appeared to be a picture of me as a sort of flat, geometric, sharp edged predator, spread out on a little building’s roof top, looking out over ’territory’. The bodily sensation and emotional perception was that I lounged there as a predator and a sort of ‘prostitute’; while this icon’s definition continued to unfold in a most unexpected way…

I could feel that danger was on its way innately, that it was inevitable that something tragic would occur by the default position within this creature’s design itself… Ayahuasca did not let this anonymousness linger and told me to, ’Stop being a prostitute of poetry.’ (I felt that this was also in reference to the amount of writings I had been publishing on the internet and my past relationship to this production status compared to others.)

With reference to writing poetry, I was told to ‘Make more love and less sex, foreplay, etc.’ These messages created ‘earthquakes’, it felt like an inner-Earth was cracking apart, shattering slowly… It quickly, timelessly, encompassed all of my writing history and filtered it through the purging process, leeching it of an aspect of my self, my incarnation, that I never knew was symbolized in my writings…

The main focus was around not setting traps so to get attention, slowing down, considering deeper intentions within myself, i.e., what’s coming through the medium, (being more deliberate), to consider the sensual-realm and what’s behind it, to go back to writings and feel what is being ’woven.’ How it is worn by the reader and what ’kind’ of suit is it for the eyes to read-onto itself?

While I was reeling, experiencing utter astonishment and mixed up feelings with this prostitution-revelation, I brought calm to myself once I made a solemn promise to Yage and myself to do something about it, to make a fundamental change of habit. Again, I recalled the immense danger that was exuding around the edges of this ’warning-icon’ that had stood in front of me and felt the message, ’No more entertainment.’ arrive…

Into this section of the ceremony, I remember saying out loud in reference to the ‘art lesson’ that, ‘I do not want to excite or ’play’ with people’s five senses, buttons, etc. To make more love, less sex…’ ‘To slow down and invest deeper in how I give to others through writing, the subconscious and unconscious agendas, driving forces, muses, etc. I experienced the visualization of entering a coffee house (once I had gotten back to California), being open and sharing, performing a poetry reading amongst others…


Additions


While sitting with others in the ceremony house, after the main portion of the ceremony-purge was over, I had the revelation that I’ve been living in a Mandala of Control most of my life.

Within the ceremony happenings, the vocal message from Ayahuasca arrived and said for me to, “Get your contractor’s license and build beautiful things for people and I will do the rest.”

There was also another sexual healing that took place during the ceremony; ‘healing’ so far as my intuiting a sense of sexual discipline concerning past and future relationships with others, with myself and my relationship to my body, i.e., the sensation of the holiness of my original body (innocence) and how to maintain that/this process of sexual healing and expression.


Blazing White Cathedral


During this time of Ayahuasca’s lesson about poetry, there occurred an incredible image/event: within me I could suddenly see a glowing white mini-cathedral, architecture that reminds me of Colonial or Victorian era structures, not ancient/gothic…

Ayahuasca had set up in me, a pure white building and told me that she now lived inside me and to take care of her…

Yage had been speaking to me throughout this night. Note: The actual quote was, “I am now living inside you, take care of my home.” The phrase, ‘Quality, not quantity‘ came to me also…


Ceremony House


Notes: (while in the ceremony house) Going back to the C.H. and talking, coming up with the nickname of ‘4-Pack’ for the group of apprentices; laughter, the sensation of being very individual and ancient, individual souls…

We are our own heroes. Jeff’s discussion about Astrology and my inner/outer humorous points about how soul embarrassing it was that I’ve not been to Hawaii, being that I’ve lived in California for sixteen years…

To love my father without trying to convince him.

How amazing it was for us all to be pregnant with talents, disciplines, careers, etc. The sensation of being a teenage soul-student in school. The arrival of the dove-totem qualities, i.e., Ayahuasca‘s advice to ‘slow down’. And she said during the ceremony to, “Never try to run away from me.”

Seeing some-thing dart across the floor and the door making a sound, as if a gust-tunnel of wind had passed through it; this ’thing’ seemed to have the face of a Chinese dragon; joking that it was Paul’s pet and that he ought to have it on a leach…

Lesson Notes: One apprentice’s story of seemingly controlling the weather that night with intermittent light bursts via his chest/sternum… Paul’s lesson concerning those who get trapped in the ’entertainment’ of Yage, i.e., the spectacular visuals, meeting the archetypes, etc. Taylor’s lesson in love, i.e., being shown herself as the answer to love’s questions; no object and no destination.

Later into the week I wrote in the margin of this ceremony record, ‘Doubt in people has been one of my oldest inheritances, which equals a mirroring of doubt in oneself. Undefined self, through lack of parents early on, their unfixed roles, etc. (?)’

Being on a drug called ’human’. Yage = Humility pill.



In and Out of the Hammock


Prior to returning to the C.H., I went to take a shower and lay in the hammock by myself, I needed some personal time to spend with the night‘s colossal revelation concerning my writings; I was still experiencing the deep workings of Yage and Sanango, purging energies through shaking and yawning, getting up and down to go to the bathroom to dry heave, etc., and seeing/being through the Yage-vision/experiential field…


While in the Main House


Dry heaving a little and while on the toilet, I purged my (the last of) father’s invested frustrations in me. I purged wishing ill-will towards Anne; this surprised me to say the least, since it’s not something I do consciously or even subconsciously; I feel that it was an old ‘echo’, possibly left over from the previous Ceremony 11 (?).

While kneeling at the toilet, trying to purge, smelling it, seeing certain ‘toilet-details’ and looking at it from the perspective of the ayahuasca state of consciousness, I purged and then it happened, a message came to me for my mother, concerning her care-taking of her partner/husband, i.e., that, “You do not need to be ashamed of what you do/did, your work is holy work.” I sensed that I had purged the shame she felt while in my company for this role she has played; purging for her.

Giving thanks to Jeff for his ’reminder of courage’ when the silent barking dogs came to visit me in a vision while in the hammock; I sense that ’they’ were a pictorial representation of the purge-material being ‘developed’ through Yage and myself for exiting…

Touching my skin and looking at my body as though I have never been completely in it.

Quiet cosmos-love, to be careful with love.

Allot of Shipibo designs. Going to the river and a message to give to Taylor, “I am my Home.” “I am here, here is…”


Weavers of Time


While still by myself in the hammock, I had the meditation of existing as a timeless being looking at an aging tapestry (To be the weaver and not only the beholder.) The revelation that ‘we are the weavers of time‘, weavers of the time we‘re spending day to day.

For an instance, I traveled deep within the Earth with no sense of destination…

Experienced a vision of a massive city on another planet, a city/metropolis of smiling people.

Laying there, I did deep tissue massage on myself, my hands going intuitively to my intestines; going deep within to massage out my mother’s purge of shame; inner x-ray vision of the blockages’ pin-point position, i.e., a golden glowing dot that finally disappeared with massage and pressing, holding my finger there… It seemed that Yage was controlling my hand and forcing a dry heave session…

Revealing through purging, old information, reconciling and delivering wisdom from the past…

Watching the atoms/molecular symbols changing on the surface of my skin; these were being purged by Sanango, skulls changing into white, jewel-like octagons; looking up as a being of the Universe, formable and formless: not the determiner of here.

A message to “Be softer.” came to me prior to the middle of my chest-chakra opening…

An idea came to me that we, as souls, pass through all the planets of the solar system, to live as their beings, wearing their plant-clothes, experiencing their ways, laws, etc.

What would specifically occur in the early morning hours in that hammock began Chapter 2 in being one of the most significant visceral/actual changes to occur to me during a ceremony… Note: the writings/records below are not in any particular order, although I will try to list them as they occurred.


Lotus Landings


The realization that my consciousness outlines this body containing a galaxy; seeing, sensing, being only this context, point of reference without content. Seeing allot of jewels, possibly semi-precious jewels too.

Seeing into my palm, sensing that there was/is a cosmos within me. Being in the hammock, and dazzled by being inside a flower blossom-ball. Struggling with the dark energies gathering in ‘The Cauldron’. Sanango working deep to release the ‘skulls of the epidermis’: my veins are her roots.

The opening of the sternum chakra: prior to the lotus coming down into my belly, I experienced an intuition to outline in the air above me, several times, a larger one emerging from my torso.

After outlining this larger, closed lotus shape, I cupped my hands in the shape of a small, closed lotus and sat it on my belly, suddenly I felt something descending from above and
an ethereal lotus landed in my belly and opened up; I felt strong vibrations start at the back of my neck, where the vertebra go into the skull, this intense quivering went on for about 20-30 seconds; then I felt a focusing occur internally, in my head, at the center of my vision, I felt something peeling away from my third eye, like a snake shedding a skin-lens or a cataract being peeled away from the retina…

My presence went ahead of my body a little and stayed out in front of me, invested in that opened/revealed point for what seemed to be 3-4 minutes… A series of thoughts concerning the third eye came to me; that the third eye has no meaning, that human ego adds significance and definition; it is as natural to the soul as it is for a solar system to have a sun, it simply ’is’.

I recall looking up at the ceiling (possibly prior to this event) and experiencing electronic sprinkles falling into my eyes from above.


New People


Laying there, closing my eyes, I had the vision of being a soul dreaming or at least visualizing/experiencing a sort of automatic blossoming of a civilization birthing itself from my particular consciousness… A town appeared and qualities of its culture began arising as a ’birth’ populace via my ’one’ consciousness… Seeing the markets materializing, the rice bags stacking up, arriving from the invisible to the visible, people appearing, their qualities imprinted from my original intents, meditations, etc., their interests, values, morals, culture, etc., being born within via my inner development, will, love, attention and considerations…

Towards the end of the Morning


The broad and deep embrace of Luco’s son Hulcker, and the other helper on the boat, Kenney. A thought concerning my father/men, that we’re all little boys.

Jeff and Paul both, unknowingly wearing winged symbols on their shirts that morning, symbols that were above the sternum areas… Lots of smiling and expansiveness…

Luco came into the main dining area and looked at me, asking, “Happy?” I thought/felt, ’He knows!’ (no surprise)

To smile and be clear of incoming commentary.