Ceremony 21

October 22, 2009


“Do not think… Listen to what others are saying
as if it’s a song; reply with your song.”



I dedicated this ceremony to my mother, wishing to facilitate healing her in whatever way the Medicine would allow… (Beginning this ceremony with another 1/3 cup dose.) Ayahuasca told me tonight, in the Ceremony House, that I’d be learning some Tortoise-medicine this evening.

The purge began by Yage telling me that this would heal my mother’s sexuality. The purges were deep and medium, so far as number and duration… Mild yawning-purges and allot of follow-over material from the last ceremony.

I felt the Sanango set in quick: Hotness for the most part, though rather cold in the beginning stages of the night. Soon after the purges, very early on into the ceremony, Yage told me to go take a shower. I do not recall any visions in the C.H., though do remember that the Shipibo designs came on quick as I went to the bathroom in the C.H. Allot of purging through the intestinal/bowels (more than any other ceremony so far).

I left the C.H. and proceeded to take a shower in the Main House; once again I experienced the extraordinary joy of being Yage’s son. She seemed quick to get me under the cold water, though I was already cold with the Sanango working; then she quickly ushered me to get dressed and warm. I caught a chill coming out of the shower and experienced my body/mind panic a little, she reassured me that I’d be fine, that I was in her hands.

Shaking I got dressed, though too, throughout the night I’d change my shirt 2-3 times (Allot of sweating along with very intense Sanango sensations, nearly too much at times, where I was forced (somewhat) to surrender, breath deep and present my consciousness to the process. Several times Yage took me back from dancing or waiting to go into the Dining Room, to have me lay down in bed, so to “Let Sanango do its work.”

While laying in bed, there was immense love being given to me from Ayahuasca and further commitment questions from her: She asked me if I was willing to do without sex for awhile, dedicate myself totally to her, etc., I said, “Yes” emphatically… Previously, at the beginning of the ceremony I asked Yage to help me deepen my capacity to Love and Forgive; this worked itself out through two channels of struggle, one was pushing through (with dance and sending more and more love-intent to my mother) the fatigue of Sanango’s actions on my body, while the other was pretty intense, where the power of ‘Doubt’ visited and there began an incredible struggle between my Loving and Forgiving soul nature-state and Doubtful mind…

Note: I kept a cup of water by my bed that I’d wet my mouth with and was later allowed by Yage to drink small sips. Saying to myself several times throughout the night, “I am fine” helped allot to settle me into my own arms.


Mining mind


My mother’s spirit-form came to me while I was laying down and I was summoned to heal ‘her’ while still under the mosquito netting (in bed) [This was also while I was in the mode of turtle-medicine.]

Moving my hands (I was also listening to Ravi Shankar) from her spirit’s root chakra to its crown; I was intuitively (without any forethought) opening and clearing ‘debris’, adding flowers, fields of freedom, fruit trees, love, forgiveness, etc.

As this was happening I would hear a voice saying things like, ‘You’re being crazy.’, ‘You’re brainwashed.’, ‘Imagining things, fooling yourself, stupid, etc.’ All the while the very force that created this dialog was also creating the belief in its own echo…

It was an incredible time, as I had to go deeper into my valuation for my retrieved, rediscovered joy-state, dance it out through hand/arm gestures and by releasing unrelenting heart-energies towards my mother..

Note: After leaving the C.H. early on, I was very deep into the electronic realm once again (as in the ceremony prior) and the closeness to Yage was so incredible!

I sent many hearts, drawn out in space with my hands, to my mother… Most of my ‘dancing’ took place laying down. At one point I totally accepted my mother, held her, holding, holding, (a sort of ‘completion’ from the previous ceremony’s unexpected pause in my healing-dance) while being on the precipice of total acceptance, present-faith-consciousness and forgiveness/empathy and doubting, qualifying mind: At one point Yage said, “Let’s go purge for your mother’s material (or dark energies).” [something referring to the sexual healing.] This was my first purge in the house this night, my second was that of purging Doubt…

Note: My joy is my cause. Saying ‘yes’ to all of Life’s expressions.

Shortly after purging Doubt, my mind approached me, somewhat disgruntled… Then something incredible occurred, my consciousness was being shown the mind for its inherited nature’s via the external world, solar system, etc. (It is difficult to write exactly what the origin of my mind ’is’, only that it is a ‘part’, my small part to be consciously responsible for.)

I suddenly came to the revelation that it was to be my partner in helping me be more clever in maintaining my joy, that I’d be its friend, wished to Love and Cherish it… At first it was reluctant, as if it had never been asked or told that it was beautiful. Soon it said, “Ok”.


Carriage I-age


Note: At one place in the night Yage showed me the ‘red skeleton teacher’ figure that I experienced over a year ago in a sort of shamanic dream journey. Yage calmly said that everything was ok… Then, gently, Ayahuasca introduced me to vague (so far as specifics), though distinct powers/forces of Death and Renewal through destruction.

Soon afterward, while laying in bed, I felt a presence arrive outside: my inner vision showed me a large black skeleton on a coach/wagon, at the reigns of black horses: There was a tinge of holiness/royalty in the air around this being…

Once this image was complete inside my consciousness, Yage immediately humbled me, I became very silent and was instructed to be patient and forgiving towards evil, that which manifested as other than love.

This was an incredible turn around, both being in making friends with my mind as an entity unto itself and a heart position with the evils of the world stage.

I could distinctly sense a distance, that I had made a choice to serve Yage, the Light, and that the darkness was still marching to its drum, only, that to try and drown out the music would not be me, only my mind’s imitation of what it was hearing evil doing.

I was shown how the external expression of life was my Yes-material: (At this stage tonight, I said “Yes” aloud several times.) The immensity of this revelation! I recall dedicating myself to saying ‘Yes’ to hearing and being with the world’s ‘labor pains’. A kind of commitment…


A boy


As I lay in bed, sweating, going deeper and deeper into the lessons being revealed, an absolutely incredible event occurred… I looked up, masses of love and openness filled me, my inner little boy was smiling and so happy with me (there was also a pictorial vision of a little boy laughing, arriving on the scene; possibly a different boy?) Suddenly it came to me that I wanted/or was to have (both simultaneously) a child, possibly a little boy? [I am not sure, though it felt like an omen of an actual birth and not something symbolic or isolated to the spirit-child within me; possibly the spirit-child’s second incarnation to come?]


Turtle


While still laying in bed, my body took on the sudden, involuntary posture of an upside down turtle (with my feet and arms at sticking out/right angled postures). The message that came to me was that although the turtle possesses a hard, thick shell for protection from the external world, that the design of its shield is ultimately beautiful first and foremost, that its beingness and participation, its soul connection with holy life was being displayed on its shell, that the shell was a sort of personal (like a tiger’s stripes) revealing of its holy reconciliation between vulnerability and basic survival…

This ‘fable’ taught me, though I cannot write it out complete, a valuable lesson in attitude and spirit; its link to, “Do not think… Listen to what others are saying as if it’s a song; reply with your song.” was a further deepening of this lesson with an actual demonstration of a creature-being of nature and the ‘galaxy’ of life on Earth…

Note: There is a connection here with the healing of my mother’s (as stated above) spirit-body in that I was ‘in’ the turtle medicine state while doing that healing session; I could feel the shell looming behind me as I sat up in bed motioning through the chakra work, etc.


We are cradles


The several times I went to the bathroom while in the Main House, I recall Yage telling me that these purges were the last remnants of Doubt and black mind shades (not actual quotes here).

I spent time clearing my body of residue-gray energies while in bed (The Sanango kept me horizontal for about an hour or more.) I recall making conscious connection and hand gestures in the air to share/fuse my sex chakra with my third eye center or reconciled-joy. Throughout the night I was busy reinforcing my commitment to joy, love and forgiveness: the purge lasted far into today, as I write this in my journal…

There was a moment in ceremony, possibly while in the Main House, that I connected to Taylor, one of the apprentices… [It is my perception that Yage brought me the link to this personal aspect of hers direct, i.e., that there was no mixing of it via my own story, before or afterward.]

I experienced her (Taylor’s) extraordinary power of motherhood and dedication to her family, an incredible gift! Inspiring and humbling too, to be shown another’s magic in action via their conscious way! After the ceremony, prior to going to the river, I spoke to her about it and told her that I was grateful for the gift; a beautiful connection while in the zone…

Note: Yage told me (after I asked God and Yage to keep me humble) that “To write and offer the world these accounts; that I’d be a news reporter for this dimension.” There was also a comment about the Ayahuasca dimension being the primary subject/context, while I’d be somewhat in the middle/back ground.

While sitting after the ceremony at the dining table, a fellow journeyman asked me how I was and I replied that I was still very deep in the Medicine and still ‘seeing things,’ etc. This person asked me to take this ‘seeing’ and look at what seemed stuck at their solar plexus region: Looking, I ‘felt’ and slightly envisioned a baby swaddled in dried leaves or a sort of mummy-wrapping.

I asked the person if they’d ever been involved in an abortion and they said ‘No’, though did not rule out a past life scenario… Looking deeper I could see that it resembled the Hades aesthetic, which I am a little familiar with… Emotionally and intuitively I sensed that I had to be very cautious not to touch her physically, to clear and unwrap/dispense certain tenseness and stuck fear within this ‘baby.’

After finishing the clearing, I mentioned to her to move it to her heart, to keep it warm, safe, love it, etc. (Prior to this they said that it had moved after I made the hand gestures over it.) Later I’d choose not to ask about further assistance to them, feeling that it was more gentle and right to go and lay down in my bed and be with the heart of my experiences, that they’d ask for help if needed, and certainly the Medicine was in full glory and command.

It was interesting because as I sat prior to going to bed, wondering if I was still in the zone enough to assist if they needed it, I played the Indian music to find out. When it triggered the shamanic dance-modalities in me, I knew I could still help, it was here that Yage seemed to give me my first choice to make; it was an incredible crossroads, where ‘the volunteering knight in shinning armor’ was better left to its readied stance. A beautiful freedom arrived through letting go of wondering and trusting the other to ask and ultimately Yage to always succeed.


Mother


There was a moment in the evening where I danced and hugged my mother, when I embraced motherhood and felt that I had become a complete ‘son’ of Woman/feminine, etc. It was a connection on a higher level of ‘woman’ than Yage, where my mother was the symbol: I understood and sensed the holy dedication I have to her (my mother), to the care and willingness to give via sacrifices, devotion, etc. There was also a point where I fully embraced her as herself, no more pre-qualifications from Mind, all heart-trust, trust, trust…

Yage mentioned again, “No more big purges.” Though there would be other aspects of Mind to purge, and to be careful about who I bring into ceremony to heal, to try during the next ceremony to simply be with the teaching/lessons.

On this night, intuitively, and with my left hand, I did acupressure on my right arm and leg, the arm was much better the next day, while the leg is still a little sore and stiff.

Deep, deep silence while sitting at the table; the little purge after walking back from the river.


Prayer


While laying in bed, I had the experience of making the connection to my prayer-time as a child (The actual night the invention of the drawstring-retriever came to me, and all my prayers to God for wisdom and the power to do good.)

Sensing again my soul’s beginning level of resurrection from the swamp to the lotus… Thanking God, the angels, Mom and Dad, Yage, Luco, my friends, forgiving those who have hurt me, etc., throughout the night several times…

Feeling my mind-heart connection being rewired throughout the day as usual everyday scenarios would present themselves and as I tried to align my responses according to the lessens and what I felt deeper as being real and right for me…

Yage told me several times in the night that it* was “ok”, that I (and “We”) can honor the request to stay in the Ceremony House until it’s finished. I did not know about having to stay in until it was over. Later in the night, after the ceremony was over, I sent Luco allot of apologies and asking for forgiveness concerning the early exit: too, I sent him a huge white, spirit-lotus… *Leaving early to take a shower per Ayahuasca’s request.

Throughout the night, Yage would also remind me many times, warning me of tricky mind constructions, etc.

Making heart signs surrounding my mother, possibly for each chakra (?).

It is almost as if the state of joy, wonder, new love for this difficult world is acting as a sort of psychic purge too… It is difficult to say since the Medicine is working parallel to me, even now at 8PM while writing in my journal I am still feeling the effects of Sanango…

Yage mentioned to me, “In the next ceremony you’ll learn something about Corn Medicine.”


The birth of death


Re-sensing the past, the things/actions of others that used to bother me and knowing that life is coming to me as my reflection-visiting; this revelation is immense and it is my deepest heart-want to give back the power of transformative-love/presence to this mirroring phenomenon.

Feeling throughout the night a new level of gratefulness for being a soul in a body: Looking down and seeing my body as a House of My Choices, choosing, a sort of plant and that my seed is a kind of holy-belonging, that these organs, blood, etc., are a ‘raw material’ for my soul to consciously embody and create itself through to the birth of death.

The awesome surrender and letting go of Doubt: How my presence and soul-being kept dancing through Doubt and mind-name-calling! Most beautiful Medicine!

We all went to the river around 3AM.

Smiling with Paul, Taylor and the others…

To see people, free from Doubt and Want…

The offering to one of the visitors a necklace to wear after their difficult ceremony: my initial wearing of it for company, envisioning the snakes and berry shrubs near me.