Ceremony 13

October 5, 2009



Less control, more love.


Prior to this ceremony, on October 4, a dream occurred picturing me in a room with several children and an enormous python with arms (and legs?), having claws like a lion; I was pouring water on it and inquiring of the children about it.
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This evening’s ceremony began with us traveling by boat to the region where we usually collect tree barks for the ayahuasca brew each session; a 20-30 minute ride up river from the village.

We set up base camp with the usual ceremony supplies, long bed cushions, mosquito nets, chairs for Luco and his son (His son’s half brother Kenney had his first ayahuasca ceremony with us this night). Luco’s son chopped small trees for making the ground stakes to support the mosquito nets, although we did not spend the night this time, planning to do so during the following session’s jungle ceremony. We’re also planning to do a ceremony on the river this Friday, October 9...

Although Luco mentioned that the leaf fan was not necessary due to the incredible natural sounds of the jungle,
(only the ventiatas would be performed) later in the night he’d break off several branches nearby to create one for what I sensed was needed in more specific healings…


Looking up


Laying in the mosquito net canopy, looking at the stars shinning through the semi-transparent fabric, listening to all of the amazingly new sounds, I thought that for many animals of the jungle, the night was their ‘day’, since it seemed just as busy during the evening as the morning’s start…

I heard sounds that I’ve never experienced before: I cannot begin to rightly describe the gratitude I felt for this opportunity, for Luco and the brothers efforts on our part… There were eight of us total that night, all drinking the medicine together in the depths of the Amazon jungle, perched up on a little hillside-ledge by the boat’s docking…

The moon was full on this night, so, visibility was perfect for boating back in the early morning hours; I had also brought four light-sticks, breaking them open at the beginning of preparations, they were the perfect diffused light for the eye’s sensitivity later, after drinking the medicine and being in the boat… The usual rule for the ceremony is ‘no lights’ during its process, though we can use our headlamps when going to the bathroom…


The quiet being of me


The lessons of this night would deepen those of the previous ceremonies: I am grateful and sit this morning like a mixed up, though clear hearted child…

The spirit of Sanango showed up later in this early evening’s ceremony (We started between 8 and 9PM), working in its usual deepening way, focused, with stern love and other-world patience and precision.

The process began as I heard a voice tell me that ‘we’ were going to begin with purging/working with ‘The area of my back’, its mid-point (That has been chronically ‘raw’ and void-like for 12+ years.) Yage said that many had stabbed me in the back due to my good nature/will (and most likely, my naiveté too.) ‘She’ continued to say that tonight we would purge their resentments of me. The subtle healing of this ‘hole’ would begin…

The medicine’s process (Sanango intensified this) began as it dug deep within my belly/guts: Ayahuasca also told me to take off the necklaces that I had previously bought, both for ceremony use and due to a personal affinity with hematite, rose and clear quartz… It mentioned that ‘I did not need them.’


In and Out


We all experienced our healings both inside and outside of our tents. (Except the brothers who had not brought canopies.) My purging process began very soon into the ceremony, i.e., allot of short-gagging (a first), followed by a series of deep dry heaving of deeply ‘stuck’ things in me, multiple whooping coughs, etc…

I experienced this on the sleeping mat initially, ending the series of ‘coughing up’ while on all fours, outside my tent, with Luco performing a healing ventiata over me. I vaguely sensed that something had brought me outside and sat me down for him to administer a deeper ‘focus’ upon… (I had experienced a strong desire to get out from under the mosquito net, to be in the open, out of the stuffiness and to get fresh air, as well as wishing to share in the companionship of Luco and the brothers.)

Sitting with the brothers, embracing from time to time, and simply being was an incredible experience; a sort of reminder of where brotherly love begins, in the quiet,
unspoken resonance-fields.

While dry-purging into my bucket on the ground and sitting in the chair, I slightly sensed the serpent-lion energy, though it was very small, a distant/no inner-energy presence.


What is the essence of being serious?
What is the essence of being in control?


As I was purging, I received no specific information, i.e., names, literal references to the past, etc. This ‘type’ of purge seemed more bound to removing a general collection of invested ‘stabs’. I sensed the energy as very deep, fixed, nearly ‘solid’ or sedimentary… The medicine would talk to me throughout this process, telling me that it was going to work with me slowly, in degrees, etc. Again, the sounds of the jungle were incredible, a mystically felt paradox to those of the purge that was happening… The purge lasted, off and on, for about 15-25 minutes.


Notes: Clarity of being on my own two feet. Being the creator of my joys, the holder of the world ‘As it knows me’ and not as I try to control its ‘digesting’ of my organic and mental sides of living/experiencing this body, life, others, physical circumstances, ideas, etc. Seeing the Shipibo designs in a smaller, more precise/miniscule ‘way.’ (Tiny skulls transforming into diamonds/geometric symbols: symbols on the skin and possibly in the air.) Seeing with my heart, the preciousness of this body. The holy quietness of the body-temple.

While in the tent, something new occurred, I experienced a strong intuition to hold up my hands to the sky, spread my fingers and pose them in place: the sudden revelation that they were pulling down energy and circulating it throughout my body, investing it in me… (The definite idea came to me that they were acting as antennae of sorts.)

Seeing the atoms/molecular composition of my hands. Forming the lotus shape with my forefingers and thumbs while accessing the sky-bound energies. The quiet breeze within me as Existence, pure seeing and relieving (contentment with no opposing outside force, concept or subject).


Collective Shame


Ayahuasca would take me into Collective Shame and say that there were graveyards of shame to purge and that this would be done in slow degrees/stages.

The acknowledgement of my dog Bear’s death (long ago when I was a teenager) and the honoring/meditation on her existence in my life and her solo-being without an external subject or role…

The medicine told me that there was something ‘smelly’ in me and that it needed to come out… (I actually smelled this skunk scent and thought it was outside the tent, though I now believe that it was not, that it was something issuing up inside me, being perceived by my heightened acuteness to spirit/psychic-wastes.) Later I would purge this through the gastro-intestinal…

While under the canopy, I heard a tree frog making a sound nearby, a tune I had never witnessed… Briefly I had a thought and an accompanying vision, that ‘it’ was performing its own ventiata over us (and I felt a personal affinity towards it and its melody directed to me). The vision was very quick, it flashed into my consciousness, showing ‘him’ as a bejeweled little chubby being, frog-like, though more humanoid in body build and vaguely decked out in some sort of ceremonial outfit (?)

Once outside, the mosquitoes were vicious, diving and biting; we kept our shirts flapping like horsetails in our hands…

I also heard a new sound that Luco mentioned might have been an alligator.


Blossoms to frowns, frowns to blossoms.


Going over to a friend and giving him a hug; helping him throughout the night/morning; going further into compassion and brotherly, conscientious love for the self that has no juxtaposition, no voice in this world, though a song on the soul-plane…

The lesson concerning what I learned through one of the visitors (outside the apprentice group.) To see expression of the self (mental) as often a prayer for help, residues of malevolent (untransformed by consciousness/deeds) cultural inheritances; puzzle pieces of humanity arriving at my door for love-attentions and not to be greeted by ‘bigger and better’ No Soliciting signs…


To be without me, so to be with you.


Receiving incredible revelations concerning ‘How to be with people.’ Rather than my first response, i.e., trying to control the environment that’s annoying me, (or limiting/silencing it with opposite commentary or ‘positive’ dialog-challenges that negate a person‘s input into their own curiosity towards the universe; to leave it alone to the Holy-void of Becoming the territories we please and release from the songs of our souls).

To make inquiries, ask healing/positive questions, go deeper with the heart, use conscious, creative empathy to bring blossoms to frowns, frowns to blossoms…

To be myself, joyful, I need not trespass on Noise or upon the landscapes of others…

No more playing the ‘Aggravated Hero.’


Seed


The further lesson concerning our soul’s consciousness inhabiting these ‘types of walking-plants’, i.e., that we’re each a sort of ‘seed’ planted at a particular astrological ‘point’ in time/space-soil, (A moment somewhat ‘quarantined’ to Gaia-time.) Sensing this aspect of the Wheel of Life and our beginnings out in Space…

A lesson in conscious, heart-adaptation, i.e., to not resist when circumstances (the fingerprint ridges felt from the Universe’s handling of us) resist our expectations.

A teaching concerning the aspect of homosexuality on Earth; the masculine’s loss of the worship of the feminine and the feminine’s loss of masculine’s worship, etc.


Musing


Subtle add-on lessons concerning the ‘Prostitute of Poetry’ subject from the previous ceremony introduction… That muses/musing can be vampirism, that our inherited ‘strengths/talents’ can hide our weaknesses and keep us bound to their ‘inspirations/vibrations’, hosting ‘them’ like a canine a tick or a tree the mistletoe plant.

Deciphering the art/craft sphere without our ever playing, ‘pronouncing’ the instruments as masters of ourselves, our lifestyles, competitiveness and addictions to Comparison; worrying about less and wanting more…

Following the waves/tides of musing and not being at the helm, being swept along by the creative-force without conscious/conscience participation: The Muse being the ‘pimp’; a talent or career acting as a sort of parasite, etc.

From this Muse-lesson, my strongest sense was that ‘my muse’ was hiding my heart, had/has tricks up its sleeves at times to keep me in a lifestyle ‘conductive’ to its pure expression-form, without regard for soul-evolving, heart-evolving, readying myself for the separation from its form and self-definitions ‘borrowed’ through its wear-abilities, etc.

(I sense that this ‘hiding of the heart’ may not even be an issue for the ‘Muse-force’ itself, that it simply ‘is as it is’, like plants having roots and seeds or being dependant on nutrients, sunlight, etc.)

The lesson continued to reveal how the Muse plays; flirting with talent and out-of-the-box thinking/creating. That it is more vital (love-right) for the soul/spirit to go into the heart, to be more in Nature and around friends, that my writing will slowly (while here in the Amazon) become more ‘mine’, and less [It-Is]…

The lesson to go deeper and ‘sculpt in’ with heart-being, belly-expansion (breathing deeper, inherit the heart, inherit compassion, and inherit unconditional love from ‘this’ I Am-inner-yearning-right.)

Joy and feet on the earth-ness…

Musing can be a drug/opiate for the soul, a possession-wed/web, like a gemstone that’s worn to warn/confront others of your status, position, etc., rather than for healing, inspiration or private means to holy beginnings/belongings…

To ‘let’ preciousness reside as the diadem of conscious-death-breathing, to let hidden-preciousness go, not allowing them to bolster/glare the fear of loosing that which is considered ‘valuable’ to the eyes of the opposite mind…

Drop the world’s largest diamond into the ocean at night while having spun dizzy and without a compass and map to go back to… Regret nothing that sinks below the view of the soul.

Beginning

The lesson that ‘I am beginning.’ Doing whatever I can to assist my new friend in her project to build a community of healers, educators, etc. The reminders concerning Yage’s advice to return to California, get my contractor’s license and ‘build beautiful things for people.’

Experiencing the inner vision/sensation that my Yage-cathedral was ‘dim’; sensing that I needed to invest more joy, tolerance, light, etc., in the moment.

Speaking out loud (within) about my love for/as a friend… Sensing on the boat (going back to Jenaro Herrera) that I wish a confidant, a plutonic relationship… The intuition that sex isn’t the form to begin with.

Insights or reminders of the drama within the feminine that ‘I’ often attract; how not to be a subconscious ‘player’, i.e., to be used by the feminine and masculine (Nature) thirsts for needing, security, wanting, drama, wishes for ‘Dolls’, archetypal role playing, etc. (The masculine in relation to the woman approaching this would has its own ‘play’ as well.) How to exchange heart-spaces without debts, expectations, attachment or dependence.


Going Home


It was around 12:30AM when we started down the hillside with the cushions, chairs, misc. supplies, to load the boat and head home.

The spray of the water inside the boat while speeding through the water at night was incredible!

We were all still experiencing the yage-dimension while boating back to Jenaro Herrera.

Notes: A friend mentioning that he was seeing ‘warning faces-signs’ in the trees as we sped by the river’s shoreline, seeming to say ‘Enter this place at your own risk.’

I felt that we’d most likely see what we project (?) Looking at the shoreline I saw that the tree-canopies looked like huge monolithic faces, like those of Easter Island’s ‘gods/deities’.

While boating on the water, I felt that it was like skating/ being on an ice barge sliding across a pond; traveling on the sky. And while looking at the water when standing up on the hillside, I had the sense that we were under it and that the river’s bottom was the ‘sky.’

After we docked, while walking back, we stopped outside Alberto’s house (Luco’s previous shaman-tutor/mentor) to listen to his ceremony occurring; beautifully strong and the sensation that they were deep in the spirit dimension…

When we were close to reaching the Main House, a dog came up to me, after I called it, and put its two paws on my right arm; holding them there it walked beside me for some time, on two legs, joyful, incredible…

The walk to the river after ceremony and seeing the little baby animal running up the footpath (type?).

Laying underwater, feeling the river running through me and out of my toes/feet as if I were hollow at each end!