Ceremony 22

October 23, 2009



Going into this ceremony I did not have any specific healing-wishes in mind (as instructed by Yage in the last ceremony). I was wondering briefly about Corn-medicine, what it would be, etc. Once again, the effects of this brew came on quickly: I found myself having to lay down, while completely immersed in Luco’s icaros…

Much of this ceremony (2 ½ hours and several hours with others at the Main House) would be spent ‘building’ the aspects of Love and Forgiveness outside myself, investing it into the atmosphere…

Allot of heat (body) from the Sanango, while Yage told me that there would be no purging (referring to dry heaving) tonight, though some was expressed through yawning, sweating allot and the usual bathroom trips… (It was on this night that I sensed for the first time that the Medicine gave me a subtle warning or caution about too much salt and to be moderate with it: The fish for breakfast was too salty; so this is where I finally traced it.)

Note: There was possibly a second comment by Yage towards the end of the ceremony that they’d be no more dry heave purges…

It was one of the most interactive ceremony nights that I’ve had so far, as fulfilling Luco’s request that we try humming or singing quietly along with him so to move closer to the power of the icaros. I recall telling him that, “You’re in my blood.”

Tonight I purged ‘Seriousness.’

There were a few points in the ceremony where I knew that the Yage and Sanango were purging mind-ash, i.e., small flakes of doubt, personal qualifying of others, ungratefulness, etc.

It was an incredible event, to be the pure conscious witness to the Space of Mind being purified slowly by the dissolving of ‘debris’! At one place I simply let it all go while Yage ‘operated’… I felt as though my mind was being ‘breathed into.’

There was a moment where the ‘little boy’ within me said that he was happy for me/with me, proud, etc. This was an extraordinary feeling of objective confirmation: On a similar note, Yage would tell me that my appreciation/care for my mother and father was genuine, for me to show this through actions… I felt the implication was that not only are words cheap, thoughts are as well… Several recaps concerning the ‘tricky mind’ warning (and more examples of it.)


Love


This was somewhere between mid-ceremony and late that I was very deep into the Medicine-zone, when Yage took me to a place (?) I do not know where this was… There she began to reveal to me that I would experience/be the Apex of Love; vaguely I could make out rainbow patterned, crystal pyramids in a semi-dark landscape, very hazy though.

I recall an emotional opening, deep breaths, though no specific theme or vision associated with the experiencing of the apex… The spirit-state dove deeper and suddenly something other than Yage was near me: A voice told me that I would be outfitted with the headdress of the Goddess of Love…

My hands involuntarily locked onto the front and back of my skull and began quivering as if it (the headdress) were being grafted/welded into place, never to be taken off… My neck and shoulders relaxed, I dropped my head over the edge of my pillow/mat and surrendered to this incredibly profound experience of cosmic pause and awe…

I experienced myself as Love at the top of an all seeing position in black Space, observing the suffering of a single soul, i.e., the young woman stationed near to me in the ceremony room…

The voice told me that I now had a different level of free choice, to be careful because, “Everything you do is alive.”

There was a sense that every action from that point onwards would have a kind of eternal consequence for me… The Goddess of Love told me that this was a gift and not a project.

Yage added that this role comes with many “expensive perks.” I laughed at this paradox, while throughout the whole ceremony I danced with my hands and arms to Luco’s icaros.


Velvet heart-wings


As I lay there I thanked God, Yage and my parents; I did this always throughout this ceremony and while confronted by opposing darknesses… Also I was sending non-stop heart energies to my mother and father; they were my anchors in this often tempestuous tidal… (I was also previously told that I was a ‘servant of God,’ a kind of reaffirming [in a different context] from a ceremony long ago where it first introduced itself.)

Still laying down, I was wondering what the headdress looked like, since when it went on I did not see it… Several moments later, again, my hands involuntarily went behind my head and with fingers spread apart, my hands began to shake and vibrate; as this occurred, it was similar to a peacock opening its feathers, suddenly there appeared in my consciousness a huge concave-like shape with hearts filling it out, heart shapes made of living butterflies, there were thousands of these.

I do not recall seeing a distinct boarder though vaguely felt it was there… [I was manifesting with this headdress present to my inner eye-consciousness when I was drying Taylor’s head with a towel during one of her most difficult nights with the Medicine to date, while with another attending her in the main House.]

I received a communication in the ceremony; it is vague as to where it came from… It was in relation to a fellow journeyman who has not had any visions for 15-20 ceremonies: the voice stated that if they’d cease cussing, i.e., creating a more subtle, gentler ‘vision’ of themselves, that they’d get them…


All father


I lay on the mat for most of the ceremony… I experienced Luco as ‘All Father.’ For a time (while a headlamp was switched on) I saw what looked like electronic-Shipibo design-vines twirling out of his head, disappearing into the darkness; I witnessed the Eternal aspect of ‘Father’, dedicated, strong, consciously strict and with direction, etc. It was an incredible vision of this archetypal being invested in near human form! To be immersed in another’s magic of being eternally what they are!

There was an incredible sense and message given to me concerning my building of myself, that ‘everything counts.’ Throughout the night I battled Sanango fatigue to churn deep into my heart and send out hearts and the will to Love and Forgive…

Towards the end of ceremony I had a brief contact with beings made entirely of jewels: A deeply profound meeting, a cosmic inhale and exhale, a pause, anticipation, consideration, reverence, innocence and a vague/slight sense of a ‘To be continued.’

There was a moment where Yage told me that care giving may be better for me than construction; this was left open-ended…


Corn medicine


It was mid ceremony when the lesson of Corn-medicine arrived: As I was laying down, a voice came to me and said that (or asked me/I do not recall the exact wording) the Earth would be receiving the spirit/energy of my seed for healing… It concluded that, “It might feel strange.” I did not feel anything distinctly odd/physical, though could vaguely discern a slight vertical energy being transferred downward from the pelvic area, though this was so subtle that I cannot vouch 100% for this process via its first time; I will try and ‘do’ this myself, applying it in another ceremony…

Afterward I thanked the Earth for my existence and body that is from hers, and touched the concrete that I sensed was her cool skin… I believe ‘she’ spoke saying, “Help heal me.” Something to this effect…


God-seed


After the headdress experience, as I lay experiencing a sort of vague pulsating down into what doesn’t have a bottom, through the beautiful blankets of mind, a voice and image appeared; it said something like, “Be very careful with your life, you now have a god-seed within you.

Suddenly there appeared a huge eye (many miles across) and on it was growing a million millions* of cities. *This phrase was actually from the vision experience, i.e., there was a sort of narrator occurring as my viewing consciousness was experiencing this, telling me the details of this illustration/vision: It added that the Earth is an ‘Eye’ and it may have mentioned something about God’s eye. (?)

Towards the end of the night, while laying in bed, I experienced a brief connection with my new friend; a sort of aura-outline seemed to be in the air near me… I sent energies towards her, moving energies, unraveling, etc.

Briefly I experienced the feminine winged one (i.e., Wings with eyes) while listening to Luco’s icaros in ceremony. Also while humming and pronouncing along with him I could feel how the icaros lives/lived inside me, how my breathing became automatically modulated to the tonalities of the icaros, how something else seemed to be breathing them out through me, breathing through them as if I were a flute of the Plant Spirits and these icaros were being taught, though held not in mind-memory, rather in another dimension of my specific relationship with the Yage-work…

Sending out fields of flowers and hearts.


Soul cape. Misc. Notes


As Paul left the Ceremony House I looked over and saw him depicted as an electronic sheet of Shipibo designs: As his voice spoke out saying, “goodnight” I had the incredible, emotional-tactile sense of his eternity, of his forever-existence; incredible, that in this ‘sheet of music’ was his voice, (coming from a central nucleus) its playing!

Later in the night, while resting in the hammock I experienced incredible hand gestures/languages being born from me, alongside a deep love-trance I was having; allot of tiredness, though a semi-heavy constant presence of focused/alert love… Note: Looking into/at my right hand; briefly experiencing it looking similar to a frog’s hand or some sort of aquatic creature, alien-like.

A brief connection (when looking at a plastic cap and placing it on various fingers) with my Great Grandmother while I was sitting at the dining table with a cup of tea and recalling the thimble she used to use in sowing.

The thanking of Luco and the silence, the sense of a father’s discipline looking over us. The incredible lesson concerning staying with the ceremony, how the Icaros are being grafted onto me, seemingly forever altering my destiny and soul-constitution (Note: out of all the ceremonies so far, it’s only been one where I’ve left early due to a very strict order from Yage to get in the shower; for some reason she was building this lesson…)

Not to look for Evil.

Towards the end of the ceremony, while still laying on my mat, I experienced a part of my consciousness leave and go outside to the front of the Main House to perform a dance as one of the Wrathful Deities of Tibetan Buddhism (The same manifestation as that of Ceremony 20.)

Sending numerous heart shapes out into the atmosphere of dark energies…

Tiny skulls changing to flowers/jewels…

Note: In one ceremony I called upon all those totems that have come into my experience (excepting the crow); I remember them gathering in one inner vision-space, though it was very quiet, nothing was initiated…

Last night (this ceremony) I experienced a total falling back in love with myself, a deep reentry into my interior occupation of this body, saturating it with the fullness of my being-with-time and inside time. An incredible event; smelling my skin, seeing, as if for the first time, my arms, wrists, hands and kissing them: the soul laying with the body…

Note: While in ceremony, feeling animal-like as I lay listening to Luco’s icaros (totally relaxed).

Towards the end of the ceremony (after the Goddess of Love event) I connected to the suffering of a person participating… A thought came to me about being glad that it wasn‘t me, that I was over the big purges; immediately I felt an enormous humility wave over me, a voice/sensation told me that it could happen to me at any time in regular life, revealing to me an awesome view into my actual level of true-vulnerability as a soul in a fleshy body exposed to this external world.

Afterward, I felt that I purged ‘Pride’ tonight; this deepened my state of love-possession, making it more urgent and preciously now, so careful, delicate, ominous and all.