Ceremony 17

October 10, 2009

For you my friend.
We are made of star dust.



Tonight’s ceremony is/was dedicated to the healing of a new friend and looking deeper into our meeting…

This was a most incredible setting! Lots of exclamation points… Starting out in the boat near 7PM, on the way we found a tall stick plunged into the deep mud at the bottom of the Rio Ucayaci river; this was initially set in as an anchor point for boats similar to ours (smaller fishing boats carved from single trees; ours is a large panel boat.)

Taking this pole, we set it horizontally across the front of the boat, brought it to our new anchor point and replanted it so to tie off a chain to it… Curiously enough the stick ended up being a sort of staff to me, since at its top it had a 3-4 prong outcrop of ‘fingers’ where an orb could have been mounted (if you‘re a romantic); an incredible coincidence on such an endeavor as this one, to have an ayahuasca ceremony on the water while anchored amongst the stars, jungle nocturne life and in the middle of the river, no where near shore…

It may have been the setting and my desire to see the famed pink dolphins, still, there was a hint of Mermaid-medicine in the air, something that came to my mind moments after we had tied the chain off…

The sky was perfect, the stars were crystal clear, giving way to a deep seeing into the depths of our solar system; on this night I witnessed what Jeff described as the “galactic center” and long masses of cloud-like collections of stars: the brightest one being Jupiter.

Alberto’s (the teacher-shaman to Luco) son went with us on this night and drank the medicine with us.


The new brew


I began the ceremony by stating again my intent to dedicate it to healing my new friend in the states… Also some of my father’s material surfaced briefly and my mother’s as well, though this was very vague, unspecific…

At the beginning of the ceremony a voice said that tonight we would be purging all of my first sexual encounters: visions and emotional states would soon surface connected to these ‘time frames’. I also felt a second message imbedded in this one, that this ‘clearing’ was occurring so to ‘start over’ with a clean slate, to begin at zero, with another body of law and being.

Something very similar to what occurred with the ceremony for my mother’s healing occurred here, in that I felt a ‘general mass’ of energies coming together and waiting to be processed in/through me. Allot of long yawns and deep ‘being with’ the heavy waves of anonymous ‘stuffs’ (buckets of anger) occurred. I also found myself sighing allot, feeling the thickness and slow moving nature of this densely accumulating energy.

At the very beginning of this process, it seemed as though I heard a voice saying/calling my friend “stupid” (a strong masculine belittling of her, etc.: Like a recording of/from the past.) Note in my journal: ‘The typical masculine instincts’ fear of being disarmed by the feminine heart-conscience?’

The sensation of being pregnant with purge-material (?) The thought that I was pregnant at one time with my new friend (a mother), though I dismissed this in the moment as a fleeting sci-fi experience/imagining, yet it occurred, at least on the symbolic level (We are all pregnant with our friends and ‘enemies’.)

Luco sung icaros from time to time, though so much of this journey was one of beholding, quiet looking.

My joking that people were smoking the ‘eye of the tiger,’ since the end of the cigarette looked like one in the dark. The laughter over the new sound we heard from the jungle nearby, that it was a ‘Rat Shaman’ and how he’d perform ventiatas with a series of whip-sounds via its tail, etc. (A few comments about a possible Cat Shaman as well; purring ventiatas, etc.) A beautiful exchange between people; soft, meditative and accepting: Luco‘s laughter!

Hearing the sounds of large fish jumping out of the water, birds and faint music from a distant town…


Light houses and Dark houses


At the beginning of the ceremony, while still sitting at the mid-point of the boat, I received a message; a voice told me that every time a person experiences solo-sex with themselves (masturbation), that they call into themselves spirits and souls. These souls (disincarnate) collect and gather, creating more and more as the drama of separation deepens. Self medicating by staying sick and dependant (?) on relief (?) [In my journal I underlined the word ‘physical’ twice. Possibly a reference to the human body as a temple of memory and actions/circumstances of a person’s being partly based on these collections, etc. (?)]


Called to the front


For a time I sat at the middle of the boat and purged by dry heaving a little, while the onset of the ‘collected disharmonies’ was subtle, slow going… Soon Luco would ask me to come up front and sit, to be in the company of the others and see the view; the stars reflecting in the surface of the water was incredible! It was as if the boat was suspended in outer Space.

In the front… Standing up and beholding the vast starry
clusters, sensing deeply that we are made of star dust and are all from ‘up there’, formed and settling down here for an undisclosed amount of time…

While holding onto the anchor-pole, I experimented by sending out energy into the river via a sense that I had that it could be similar to a tuning-fork at this time; calling/trying to connect with the dolphins and towards any other benevolent spirits (mermaids/fairies). Intentional activation of my solar plexus area; sending these pulses through the pole and into the clay/river’s basin…

Once again, water called to me strongly during this ceremony; at times I would play with it in my hands, put it on my face, head and chest… I also found myself drawing diagrams in it and sending these sketches out into the ripples: it was amazing how such an all moving liquid seemed to stay still for these drawings to occur in.

Hanging my head over the edge of the boat and looking into the water while laughing a little…

Allot of my time throughout this ceremony was spent beholding the stars… (Star material looking at star material.)

A voice told me that man was God’s sperm and woman God’s egg: I received distant feelings concerning the primordial sense of separation that is somehow recorded in the opposite sexes, a sense that creates the drama of trying to get together and ‘be’ ‘Till death do we part.’

Ironically, I felt on this night that it was at the beginning of human form that the separation was commenced, that parting was a sort of marriage to Divorce and some cosmic dance’ beginning…


A Medium and nothing too.


A memory, of standing on the boat, looking at the stars with a strong present sense of my feet being ‘on’ the boat, planted, between solid earth and airy sky, while holding the anchor-stick that connected/fastened me energetically to the Earth by way of its being stuck in the river base-mud/clays… An incredible sensation of paradoxical existence!

The sensation of redemption: Seeing Shipibo designs and Jeff’s head as a mass of little eyes looking up at the stars.

My hands being covered in diamonds; the ‘dance’ that occurred between my two hands, spontaneous, as if they had souls and a beingness all their own, i.e., a deep and profound beholding of their objective relationships to one another through the emotions of gesture-language (The right and left hemispheres dancing?) With this, I sense that Yage is/was teaching me more about healing with my hands, though through a very abstract-modality/mood-way of intimate language.

No opposite thinking: Sensing that we are each from different soul-clans, that there are playful spirits, getting into everything and inquisitive, while another is a star-gazer, etc. My sensing of a different shape of body and appearance beneath the shadowed human(s) I was witnessing this night on the boat.

Sensing the utter humiliation and awe that we souls, who can encompass the beingness of our galaxy’s center, can be so caught up in the small affairs of daily life, fleeting, ever changing and no where near as eternal-sensed and vital as a beginning point of departure/return as the heavens and the experienced wonder-place (?)

An ever deepening sense of being the beholder, experiencing and furthering my roots into the body of Life…

I recall a brief sense of the ‘Reciprocal Maintenance’ that Gurdjieff speaks of and how the forms of life and life transcribed as Death, go around and around…

Seeing 3-4 shooting stars… (Jeff mentioned later that all stars are suns and that falling stars are dying suns.)


Night travel on the Rio Ucayaci


Birds passing (sometimes whitish bats flying in pairs) over the river in the dark as we boated home. The scent of the jungle at night, so subtle and distinctly layered with floral, peat, leaves and boggy scents, incredible!

On the way back I filmed us traveling by the river banks lit up by a single halogen light mounted at the front of the boat. Once again, I saw the white/light gray bats in pairs and singular, following the boat, crisscrossing over to the other side…


Walkers of the upside down


The idea came to me that God is both ‘the shape’ and its ‘reflection’ and that the water held all forms, yet possessed none of its own.

The reflection in the water of the shoreline’s plant life, trees, etc. was astounding, it was as if there was an entire upside down world beneath its twin-surface one; an intuition came to me that wandering, darker energies and spirits dwelled down there, walking upside down, caught momentarily in their ‘walks of life.’ (?)

The thought came to me that participation with Ayahuasca is a way to purge the ‘Painbody’ and slowly return to the state of original perceptions: from here so much can be learned, experienced…


Nearing the moving shore


Getting off the boat, we’re all still in the ayahuasca zone, particularly once setting foot on the Earth/standing up so to walk a distance to get home...

Notes: Jeff and I hilariously laughing and walking back/staggering (the earth was moving as I first stepped off the boat) along the roadway to the Main House from the docks; smiling and joking… My creation of a Mr.T impersonation in relation to ‘pitying the fool that drinks a full cup on his first ceremony’ and ‘pitying the fool who crimps the shaman’s style by asking for another cup when he (the shaman) wants to go to bed.’

Sensing that I ought to take more than my usual dose during the next ceremony (with this particular new brew in mind/spirit.)

Experiencing (possibly due to Sanango and the purging/healing session) unusual aches in my neck and a slight headache.

The sense of an internal creation occurring by way of abstaining from sexual activity; that Yage effects the libido and is using the energy to assist in creating something new within (?) It is also leading this ‘shift of attention’.

Feeling/visualizing a large burning third eye within my head; perceiving in coexistence with this image-being; not tactile, more silent, wordless-slow…

Later this day we’d take a different boat into Iquitos (the aluminum speed boat)… Luco’s children rode with us, along with Mausha, Kenney and Luco. A deep appreciation of Luco resonates this morning (4AM) as I am finishing these notes at the hotel in Iquitos; how love is done, that talk is cheap and that he’s truly an inspiration for us all, to do the deeds of love and remain patiently silent about the plans…