Ceremony 26

November 5, 2009

Two gold skeletons dancing together
in God’s molten white temple square.



This is the first ceremony session where we’ve had two individual brews of Yage (since so many people are drinking we quickly emptied the first batch). This third ceremony of five was incredibly potent; most likely the greatest depth that I’ve reached over an extended period of time and connection with other beings. Tonight I decided that Luco would pour me whatever he felt was the correct dose. I received a half cup…

Soon after (between 15-20 minutes) I found myself very deep, as though I were enmeshed in the temple of contemplating connections, lessons, daily reaping, conscience, servitude and Yage’s vast administration of change, permanent, grace, flowing layers of immense depthless-ness and light.


Scales


While laying down at the beginning of the ceremony I was told by Yage that this evening I’d be outfitted with a helmet and possibly ‘armor’… Soon, surprisingly, there arrived a great serpent spirit; it spoke saying, “Wear me.” It also implied that by my wearing it, this would coincide with being ‘swallowed by the serpent.’

Soon I found myself immersed in a strange energy field, submitting, relaxing; I could envision scales covering sections of my body: I do not recall any instruction as to what this ‘suit’ would mean ‘shamanically’… There may have been a message about getting to this at a later time (?) I recall sensing this great serpent spirit entering me ‘frontally’…

Additional helmet note: The ‘armor’ seemed to be depicted by the snake’s scales, while the helmet was a combination of the eagle even and falcon, though I sense it could be exclusively the falcon. (?)


Hold your space


One of the first occurrences was the introduction by Yage of the evening’s mantra, “Hold your space”, which felt like a shamanic exercise in deliberation of sharing my energy, to mind my business beneath my wings and not my eyes and various fleeting curiosities, etc.

Yage would continuously instruct me to cover myself up (after I soon went to lay down on the mat behind the rocking chairs) from the mosquitoes, to close my eyes and not look out at ‘the business’ going on, to softly encapsulate my space with flowing, boundless love and forgiveness, to also rise up from time to time in a sitting, vertical position, having access to an open visual space, to give out love, radiant, unconditional, breathing breathlessness, then to quickly lay back down, hold my space, etc. This rising up and laying back down went on for 30-40 minutes, resulting in a sort of succession of absolutions, totaling 10-12.

Note: At the beginning of ceremony when Yage said, “I’ll be right back.” And left to do her rounds!


Winged


As I lay an incredible event unfolded; I experienced an eagle arrive, land on my head and lay an egg… Quickly this hatched and my human-brain gained great, broad eagle wings and briefly paused in spaciousness far above my physical body, outfitted with these… Pure, thoughtless, yet saturated with duty, service, ability and a willingness to ‘walk’ with my consciousness, like a great bird on a tether, free to fly as its trust and ‘daily bread’ pleases…

There appeared to my consciousness the spirits/beingness of my step-mother, father and step-brother: An immense revelation of a ‘right order’ occurred to me… The sense was that I had now the opportunity to take a heart-oath, to be responsible for the family I had been given to be present to…

I found myself gathering them together, one by one, placing them as a group a small distance outside my chest, embracing them, and then pulling them gently into my heart-brood…

Once therein they appeared as my fledglings; my heart deepened, my consciousness leapt so far down into the cosmic contemplation of their humanness, their dance of incarnation, their boundryless vulnerability and awesome need of this gesture.

I envisioned embracing them in a kind of inner sanctum heart-nest, imbuing them with care, grace, cosmic silence, a sense of purpose, reliability, justice and compassion. I made solemn promises to support them in any way I was called to do, deeply rooting myself in this, resonating, at peace, poised to stay and freely flow…


Rivers of love and forgiveness


At some point in the beginning to middle of the ceremony I connected with an episode where a fellow apprentice had arrived at a difficult crossroads with the medicine; soon Yage would begin a series of ‘calls’ to me to send waves, abundance, rivers of love and forgiveness to them: As I lay on the mat, I found myself making involuntary flowing gestures, sweeping from the root chakra to the crown and outwards towards them… Surprisingly I upchucked a very quick contraction in my throat, though did not vomit; Yage told me that I was purging ‘a part’ for them…

Throughout this connection with them there was some sort of ‘spirit-anchor in the storm’ applied in performing this service/connection: There were times when the potential of Love and forgiveness was so great that I could not contain it (not that I was trying), only that its boundlessness was surging through my human being’s ‘boundaries’, seemingly initiating a readiness on my part to be of service to the medicine at this crossroads, giving out and eternally with all and without! (Later I would sit with them for awhile, holding their hand and sharing this connection, reinvesting my wish to them, rivers, much, oceans of love and forgiveness…


Tempered Gold


My body heated up tremendously several times and a little ways beyond mid-ceremony I lay on another mat that was placed in the middle of the CH by Paul, experiencing myself as set afire by the medicine, a solid gold skeleton consciousness ablaze, burning, burning, burning! This went on for about ten minutes…


Fairies and mosquitoes


Someplace towards the end of my healing call to the apprentice and my transition to the mat where Paul and Taylor were sitting (it was placed slightly to Luco’s left, nearly in front/touching his mesa), an odd phenomenon occurred: In this healing flow I was sending to the apprentice some kind of barrier was subtly met… It was not a ‘tapestry’ in me, it was ‘outside’, in the atmosphere above… Soon a group of fairies arrived and implied that they’d help with this ‘impediment’ if I promised not to kill any more mosquitoes (!)

I agreed to this and they replied that they’d hold me to this promise and proceeded to ‘apply themselves’ to it: I was not shown what they clearly looked like and only vaguely recall that their ‘method of dissolution’ was a sort of unweaving, touching-massage, feeling, etc.

This ‘meeting’ lasted 3-4 minutes, quickly resolving itself as I kept expanding, going within and going out to spread love, forgiveness, compassion, patience and goodness.


You reap what you sow.


The depth kept pulsing, diving, submerging into a bottomless, roofless harvest of, “You reap what you sow.” Yage would manifest at least twice on this Law of Love and Cosmic Justice, i.e., that my ceremonies would ‘go’ as I ‘traveled’ daily, how I ‘planted’ my intents, what I gave selflessly and without advertising an expectation of praise or marks…


Black falcon


Back to the middle of the CH: Paul and Taylor had moved back to their rocking chairs while I lay on my side immersed in Luco’s icaros… Soon I felt a further descent occurring… My energy field heightened, relaxed, settled into the rootedness of my mind-less truth, so, so deep into this realm of service, grace and abundance poised to love…

A most incredible entry/embodiment commenced… This was the first time that a force-spirit would approach me without any conscious disclosure as to what it was beforehand, an amazingly curious and awe inspiring surrender to its immense power and cosmic weight, a solidity of purpose and regalness that I’ve never experienced before.

I could sense that this spirit was of a different order than all the others I’ve experienced in the past, yet by no means at bay or higher, i.e., comparable… I feel that in the spirit-realm there are no comparisons… ‘There’ is the endless talent of reconciliation.

As it descended, its identity arose in my consciousness; I felt that nothing could withstand or deter this ‘landing’… Soon I heard a voice telling me, “This is the black falcon.” A brief vision of the statue of the Maltese Falcon flashed into my consciousness: My presence collapsed and released like a dandelion being blown on, floating through this descent as an expansive ascent, though stationary and rooted…

My eyes began to convulse, I felt something slipping in behind them; soon I was my consciousness super-meshed with the falcon’s… A wave of blessedness flooded over me, as I clutched myself, looked deeply into my skin, kissing this blessed body-temple!

The voice continued to instruct me, saying that with this arrival, that I would, “Be able to heal auras and see things that I’ve never seen before (in relation to auras).” This ‘seeing of things’ seemed to have the implication that I’d be able to perceive the spirit-qualities in the daytime, outside of ceremony, etc.

As I sat with this I experienced an aspect of myself as a falcon fledgling, stretching one arm/wing upwards to the CH ceiling, flowing, resonating with the call to stay my inner-ground, my joy and surrender to love-service. Soon another visitor arrived (I believe this was after I experienced myself burning.)


Two emeralds


I felt an enormous warmth-girth in the air, an immense paternal quality that was not human… I lay, relaxed, began adjusting my blanket and reclined position: Suddenly I found myself by what I sensed was both the CH setting and on a shore beside a great body of water…

A voice came to me, introducing itself as a Grizzly Bear: It began placing its huge paws on my shoulders and the backside/forehead. It instructed me to relax, breath deep, to open my heart more and more: I felt this expansion viscerally within… It continued to tell me that I had attracted it to me through a poem that I wrote about serving a field of blind grizzly bears, and that it liked the poem… I smiled and quietly laughed with gratitude and joy…

The bear-spirit said, “Here, take my two emeralds.” It imparted to me two round/cut emeralds (greenish-blue?) and instructed me to use them cautiously and with great reverence.

[Later, after getting them back from having inserted them in a person who I was helping, I found myself involuntarily ‘storing’ them in my right eyebrow…]

The brown grizzly bear was so endless in its aspect of warmth and support! After laying its paw on various places on my body it laid over me, blanketing, radiating downwards and inside me…

Towards the end of its visit it would whisper something to me that further blew vastly upon the single dandelion seeds, turning them into hundreds more! It stated that I was being given what I’ve always desired while pursuing this lifelong path towards the ability to breath exclusively with my soul (my descriptive sense). The actual quote was something to the effect that, “You are receiving what you’ve always wanted as a child.” I embraced this, it embraced me, physically, immersing me in a cosmic field and sensation of selfhood so deep, traversing this incarnation though not going anywhere specifically, keeping the sense of having eternally the fullness of letting go, sinking to be sunk by the gills of Love.


The Great Snowflake


Mid-ceremony note: The descent of the great snowflake upon my head; the immense integration of ‘Dignity of Self,’ in behind all lifetimes… My hands turning into great snowflakes: Performing snow-flake-medicine on the woman in ceremony.

The medicine was relentless! Pulsing throughout my astral and physical throughout the early morning of ceremony till 9 or 10 AM (Lasting in variable degrees for 12 hours.)


A prince to be born


It was somewhere after this (the spirit-bear encounter) that a most amazing message descended upon me concerning a new friend I’ve met here… A deep, most mysterious revelation of a soul connection emerged through the very sober instructions of Ayahuasca… I experienced many events, not altogether knowing their exact sequence: These are the notes ~

I sensed myself surrender to a whole new order of being towards another: At one point Yage opened me, prepping me for a sort of cosmic/spirit pause, a kind of quiet soul-courting…

No expectations, wind flowing through emptied mind, only a trust of spirit-beacon towards her… So, so innocent: Yage showed me the pure intent of this person’s gift of the triple terminated crystal, that it was arriving from the pure young child within her: This revelation and immersion into this ‘impression’ was so intimate and holy! [Additional note: The relating to the gift of the crystal as a presentation of a favorite-something to a best friend as a child.]

I heard this person crying earlier; I then sent a sort of aspectless intent of being in her company, an overall giving out of undistinguished parts and instead becoming the whole of myself as I was in the moment.

There was a point where Yage mentioned details concerning this new connection and the birth of ‘a prince in the medicine.’ Though made it a point to add that it was unclear, to be continued, etc.


Cosmic feminine air


I lay deeply immersed in Yage’s lesson/instructions, holding my field, vibrating with transparent love… There was a field of staying, though not waiting for a reply from her stationed on a mat across the room, simply a present-of-self and an enormous connection to trust-in-the-Universe to graciously immerse either or both of us via the consequences of the passage of Time and circumstance; effortless beauty, effortless acceptance…

As I was closing my eyes, suddenly I felt a wave of incredibly, never before sensed field/etheric pond/lake of energy wash over me, wrapping round me like a luminous, virginal fog cloud… I perceived it as the Cosmic essence of feminine and felt that it was being transmitted either through this person as a medium or directly from her, i.e., their individual conscious intent.

This airy element surrounded me, saturating; I became a ‘sponge’ and found myself laying in a sort of forest setting, or something akin… It flowed, saturated and awed me, both psychically and physically; I believe it’s the first time that I’ve felt something like this, outside the love-making event with Ayahuasca that produced similar sensations though not the same…

This felt that it was coming from a field closer to my being able to produce a corresponding, symbiotic ‘Thank you’… And possibly send back a good and right gift… Not in return, rather, by shear spontaneous truth of conscious reaction to an action…

As this field of energy ceaselessly saturated me, suddenly an aspect burst onto the scene, it was revealed to me what certain ‘small tender details’ were in the cosmic field of expression and investment via the natural world on Earth;
that such things as peach fuzz, the hairs on a fern, the ‘fur’ of an insect, etc., were all expressions of the cosmic-feminine aspect, of an ultra-tenderness and sensitivity, a fragility beyond opposites…

After this field subsided I recall the immense pause, the breathing patience of the present soul in passing time, a sense of trust and welcome, gratefulness, awe, wonder, invention, sensibleness and holy yielding to Rumi’s saying,
“If you come to the garden, it is fine, if you do not come to the garden, it is fine.”


We are both solid gold skeletons.


Towards the end of ceremony there was one young woman who was having a most difficult journey with Grandmother Ayahuasca (This was not the previous friend I spoke of as having the shade in them); this circumstance would unfold into the first long term healing that I’ve spontaneously applied to a fellow journeyman…

Meghan and Luco were applying healing ventiatas for some time; she did not seem to be calming down… After awhile Luco switched to her ‘next-door neighbor’, applying his exhaustless love to another while Meghan continued her incredibly beautiful icaros over her, advising and keeping her company.

As I was sitting on the mat (in the central CH area) experiencing the birth and wing-energies of the Black Falcon medicine, gesturing in a private field of movement, etc. A voice came to me and said that I could help if I was invited; I asked Meghan if I could come over and she lovingly invited me…

Once there I began gently placing my hands on the young woman; the diamond hands flashed off and on, i.e., my hands taking on this modality, while I sent into her deep transferences of Love and Forgiveness, calm and endurance…

There was also a brief session with a square/rectangle area on her mid-back, where I fanned with my hands, both heading in opposite directions, clearing, opening this up to loving-filtering, ascension, etc.

Soon I found myself pressing my forehead to the back of her head, moving deeply into soul-comradeship and union of being children in the medicine… I sent the message that, “We are both solid gold skeletons.”

I experienced a flash-vision of our two gold skeletons embracing one another in the eye of this body-hurricane: She could not vomit the purge-union out, though wanted to desperately.

Eventually she’d purge internally as I stroked her hair (manifesting in the headdress of the Goddess of Love and nearly always (seemingly) in the aspect of the Black Falcon medicine.)

There was a point where I implanted the Grizzly Bear’s two emeralds in her, while hearing the bear reply that they’d be returned to me “cleaned.” With many of my healing applications (nearly all) I could not interact with their results, other than the confirmations coming from her that she was calming down, able to ride it out, etc.

The inner-purge was voiced through her as a collective frustration with her body… [The magic of her sayings!] as I was stroking her hair, helping facilitate the washing away of these streams of frustration; she’d reply that she could feel it washing away, that “I (she) am/was the vine” and “That I am not this body, but my spirit, eternal and me.” (To this effect.)

While manifesting as the Black Falcon my right hand involuntarily went to the backside of her upper-neck vertebrae, scanning, pressing gently; suddenly the tips of my fingers formed a sort of bird’s beak shape/gesture and went into her neck ‘etherically.’

The beak snatched/latched onto what I sensed as an orb of sorts… Slowly and with great holy-confidence it pulled this out from her neck and made its way to my right, tossing it away from its grasp into the Pathway to Love… I could feel hot sparks leaping from my finger tips as the semi-metallic-sensed-orb left.

I would go to her twice on this night: In between the ceasing of the first visit and her call for a “human connection” (that begin the second visit), I sat on the mat (about ten feet away from her) sending Falcon medicine and applying the Snowflake medicine by setting up a quiet oasis of a comforting winter day, snow slowly falling, warm inside, etc., around her/over.

Wing gestures, playing with an etheric string, making it into a smiley face gesture, some misc. sphere-work and what I sensed was a brief visit to the Ashetic Records, though I do not recall any specific information gotten there (?)

Laying down on my side with her, pressing Love and Forgiveness into her hand, her reaching for mine: Expressing this newfound dignity through the Falcon embodiment… Getting the emeralds back after the first visit… Her (Yage singing through, with her) singing/humming to an icaros that Luco was singing earlier, though hers may have been different, so subtle and quiet…

Additional note: Kissing the top of my right hand as the young woman’s was sandwiched in between my left and right: The prayer-hand may be a shamanic ‘clamp’, a kind of ‘original tool’ (?) Not moving below the mid-back territory on her so far as energy/spirit work…

I briefly witnessed her (the young woman) as a large, flat Shipibo-ish mass… I looked away, intuitively understanding that this was not my ‘connection’ to make…


Notes


Seeing the others made up of Shipibo designs: My design and Taylor’s meeting as I passed her a lighter.

During ceremony: Wearing a little woven sachet around my neck containing the gift of a triple terminated quartz crystal from Tobie.

Effecting the Ipod electronically by my touch early in the morning.

A good amount of elimination/purging through going to the bathroom: Yage told me, in one of these three instances, that the medicine was purging “daily residue.”

Yage said that I had, “…done well tonight.”

Yage told me several times that she was proud of me, that I was doing well and was her son.

Yage reminding me that she (Ayahuasca) is my first love: Also commenting her understanding of ‘normal attraction’, i.e., sexual expressions between humans, etc.

The subject of discretion; practicing permission and dignity of conscientious, love-leisure in the storm of God’s graces…

To receive all with inner-smiling and joy.

Being with Tobie
Being with Paul and Taylor

The covering up of the little girl Lola with a blanket while she slept… Earlier, welcoming her to the zone as she stood beside me looking out, emanating as a newly landed eternal birth-priestess! Absolutely a gift!

Many in the CH this night (10) would take full, to the rim, cups of the medicine since Luco instructed that although a second dose would be available, that it was best that those who felt they’d need more than a half cup, drink more initially, this evolved into an incredibly powerful evening, where only one person asked for more… All were satiated and deep in the lotus marshland of the Great Mother Ayahuasca.

A very special note: Tonight Lola, a seven year old girl would drink the medicine with us, while her father sat reeling with the passion of the purge… It was so blessed and awesome to hear a little child’s voice within the zone: At one point we laughed lovingly when she said, “I feel like stretching and throwing up at the same time.” She also laughed and sat through most of her experience positively next to Luco, i.e., between him and Meghan.

Order of totem introduction/embodiment: Eagle, *serpent, falcon, bear… *The serpent may have been first.

Leaving the CH (after the healing) to take a shower and returning to be with my friend and others; talking till dawn and being the first to go to the river… The hug from the woman’s husband (the woman I assisted in ceremony) on our way back from the river.

Mid-ceremony note: I looked over to my left and felt something stuck between the end of my wrist and the beginning of my thumb… I isolated this and began clearing it, pulling out what I sensed as etheric-spines or some sort of rigid threads (?) Soon my arm stretched out and began mildly shaking; Yage told me that this was the final healing and letting go of the “thousand year wound.” (This ‘wound’ originally showed up in the region of my left side.)

The headdress of the Goddess of Love manifested once or twice this night; mainly with the later healing of the young woman Meghan was already attending to…

Watching the group signing to one another: The awe and wonder at this… The companionship of privacy(ies) hailed and honored.

The commitment (long term) to the medicine: Yage saying that this is where I belong.

Always ask permission; the immense holy density of the Black Falcon!

The water Water flows through!